Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Another year gone, reduced from this thing I called life.

What have I been doing? What have I become?

What have I achieved these past 34 years?

Have I been a devoted servant to Allah SWT?

Have I been a good daughter to my loving parents?

Have I been a faithful wife to my other half?

Have I been a loving mother to my only child?

Have I been a loyal friend to my caring friends?

Have I become a better person than years before?

I can’t help questioning because as the years go by, I realize that life is not getting any easier. There are times when I feel that I’m living a problem-free, super-easy, happy life. I would laugh and smile and dance up and down, wondering why some people can’t stop complaining about their lifes.

But when the wheel turned down, as in life it always does, I would feel like the most miserable person on earth. Nobody seemed to care about my feelings and the people I love were taking me for granted. Then I would cry, being depressed and ungrateful. Forgetting about all the wonderful things that Allah have been giving me since the second I was born.

As I get older, I should have turn wiser and better. But am I? Wiser? Better? I don’t know... All I know that life is so god damn hard and with all the things that happen in this world, it’s even harder for a person to BE and STAY good.

So today, as I woke up this morning, I put on a smile and said to myself:

“Hi! I’m Farika. I’m 34 years old and I’m blessed.”

I’ve been reciting these words in my head again and again, and hope that they’ll help me to stay sane and focused for at least another year ahead (unless Allah has another plan, of course :D). Insya Allah I can be a better woman than I am today and be a worthy soul to my God in the afterlife.


Monday, June 07, 2010

The Unhuman I’ve Become

I was never been born as a chatty or chirpy kind of girl. But I wasn’t the quiet type either. Yes, a lot of my friends said that marriage has changed me. They said I’m more quiet & reserved. Some even said ‘ngga asik’. But those who knew me better said I’m turning into a better person :) I guess there’s always 2 sides of me: the crazy side & the loner type. And I can’t please everybody :p But these last 2-3 years the loner is taking over. And that..is..not..good.

Awalnya aku ngga terlalu nyadarin. But lately I’ve just been having this strange kind of need to be around people more often. Like, I was looking forward to go to my junior high reunion atau mengiyakan ajakan temen (yang biasanya selalu aku tolak) untuk ketemuan. Atau di lain waktu aku giat nyari info pengajian supaya bisa ngga cuma ngumpul, tapi juga sekalian ibadah. Dan yang paling “aneh”, I’m more than willing to meet new people in new places & occasions :D

Iseng-iseng, ceritalah aku soal keanehan ini ke Si Neng. Tanggepannya cukup mengejutkan. Dia bilang dia juga nyadarin banget & ada 1 kejadian yang sangat berkesan buat dia soal perubahanku ini, yaitu pas aku dipertemukan dengan sepupunya untuk ngambil tiket nonton New Moon. Meskipun waktu itu baru dikenalin, Si Neng said during dinner, I was actually very “rame” & komunikatif sama sepupunya itu. And then she said it “Now you are more...human.”


Until then, I didn’t realize how unhuman I was this whole time. Naturally Si Neng blamed the computer & the internet for my “mutation” :D That’s the thing about social medias. You think you’re still in touch with your 1000 friends. Karena bisa jadi tiap hari bales-balesan message di wall FB ato Twitter. Or chat for hours di YM or BBM. So in your mind, hubungan masih akrab-akrab aja. Tapi pas suatu hari dijadiin ketemuan, eh saling diem-dieman garing heheh... I don’t want to end up in a situation like that.

And so here I am, in a quest of becoming human (again). So far, not bad lah! Like the other day I got back in touch with an old friend from Russia. I haven’t seen him since 2002 & sengaja ngga kontek2 lagi. One thing leads to another, he’s back & we met again. I promise him this time I won’t disappear :)

May 15th was the coolest. Setelah 6 taun saling sapa, saling muji, temenan di FB & Twitter, akhirnya aku ketemu Neng Wenni & Miund :) Sebenernya udah lama banget pengen ketemu. Tapi ternyata emang momentumnya ya baru kemaren itu. Lunch berempat ngerayain bday-nya Si Neng di Sushi Tei, sambil ngobrol kaya emang udah sering ketemu sebelumnya. I hope we can do it again some time soon, girls :)

Yesterday I happily tagged along Si Neng to an event she’s been working on. Met her friends, wasn’t very chatty tho because of my sore throat. But I was there, exchange few words & laughter.

So I guess I’m in the right track, don’t you think? :)