Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Why This, Why That

Lately I’ve been getting so many questions and I’m afraid that I might answer them wrongly. Some are easy, but lots are tough. I need to be extra careful in answering these questions because the person who keeps bombarding me with them is a very special person.... Yup. It’s my beloved Godsend. Kukka is officially in this stage now. The stage where everything, every time, anything, anytime, can turn into questions. Why, where, when, who, what. I’m not sure when this started but I can assure you that the questions get tougher each day. Random. Innocent. Funny. But tough to answer. At least for me. 

I think the first question that really startled me was about babies. One night while I thought we were going to have our usual aka standard pillow talk, out of the blue, Kukka asked me how parents “make” babies, where they come out from, what they do inside a mother’s tummy, how they eat, where do they get the food from, how do they come out, how a baby turns to be a boy or a girl, how ALLAH decides that the baby should be a girl or a boy, why not every couple has kids, why did ALLAH decides to make her a girl, etc. One time she asked me:

“You need to get married to have a baby, right Bubu? You can’t have a baby when you’re not married. I have to get married first if I want a baby. Bapa married you and then you have me. Right? I don’t think I want a baby. I don’t want the doctor to cut my tummy. Or vagina. That’s where babies come out from. Right??? And why do some people don’t have any babies? Why do you only have one daughter? Why did you want a daughter and not a son? Do you want another baby? Do you want to have a son? Or another daughter? And why didn’t ALLAH give Oom and Tante X a baby? Why do some people have babies and some don’t?”

And so on and so on and so on. I must say the first time it happened I was like... What the....!!! I wasn’t really ready for those kind of questions. But then I thought questions about babies are pretty standard and I knew that one day she would ask me about it. So I took a couple of minutes to breath...and think...until I was quite confident with myself. So as I found myself fully “armed” with reasonable answers that are suitable for kids her age, I answered Kukka’s questions calmly. No. The answers didn’t involve storks carrying babies from a baby factory or magic dusts from the sky. I answered Kukka’s questions as real and as scientific as possible. And that are appropriate for her age of course. It was hilarious. Watching her expression as I explained to her was... Hilarious! #LOL But then the questions and comments got more intense. And totally random yet still about relationships! 

One time, out of the blue Kukka said to me: “I wonder why some of your friends don’t like each other anymore. As husband and wife. That’s sad.” I was startled and then I nervously asked her whom she was talking about. She said she was referring to some friends of mine who got divorced... Yet one of the most shocking moments for me was when she asked “Bubu, why does Nini don't like Om X (one of my ex boyfriends)? Will you do that to me too if I had a boyfriend one day? What if you don't like him?"

WAKWAAAAAAAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! OH. MY. GOD. In case you’re wondering, yes. My convo with my girl nowadays gets more and more intense! Typical girl talk. She’s starting to ask me about personal stuff, me as a mother and as a woman. And I’m trying to give her answers as real as possible. Why? Well... Because I personally think kids nowadays should and want to be treated as “real” as possible. They don’t accept make-believe answers anymore like we used to. They are more critical and curious. So I personally think it’s better to give Kukka real answers. Answers that she receives better from me than from somebody or somewhere else. I want Kukka to know that she can ask me about absolutely anything. That no questions are stupid and off-limits. That she doesn’t have to be ashamed. Neither should she hide her curiosity. On the contrary, I always praise her for being so curious. 

Which takes me to this point where I realize that I have to educate myself more about... Well... Everything. If I want my baby to come to me whenever she has questions, I better have the answers, right? That’s why I have to be in tune with current issues and the latest trends. Because I have one very smart and curious daughter here. Objectively speaking, of course. I need to be “well-armed” so whenever Kukka comes to me with questions....or back-talks, I’ll be ready. Oh God yes, I better be ready because before I know it... 

Teen years are coming and SiBapa will be like...  

Sunday, April 03, 2016

Dear Kukka: I Love You

Tonight, as I put you down to sleep, I couldn’t hold my tears to run down from my eyes. No, there’s actually nothing special happening. Today is just an ordinary day. Just like any Saturdays when we’ve decided to stay at home. Bapa is playing game (as we speak or better yet, as I type), I was vegging out in front of the tv and you were using your weekend privilege: playing computer game and Youtubing. Like I said. It’s just our usual way to spend our weekend at home. 

Then at around 11pm I’ve decided to put you to bed because I could see that you were actually already sleepy. Very, if I may add. But of course, when I said it was time to go to bed, you whined “But I’m not sleepy...!”. You said it with droopy eyes and sleepy voice. Then I tried to rock you to sleep. But you wanted to hug me instead while we were both lying on the bed. Good for me because... Sweetie, I think you’re getting too big and too heavy for me to carry and rock you like a baby. So there we were, both lying on the bed, with me stroking your hair while you were trying to find the right position to sleep. And of course, while doing it, you kept whining “I’m not sleepy. I don’t want to go to sleep now...” 

At last you found the perfect position to sleep: hugging/wrapping your arms and legs around me like I'm a bolster. You were hugging me so tight I couldn’t sing or even hum you a lullaby. To tell you the truth I even had difficulty to breath #LOL But of course, it wasn’t a problem for me. Actually I always love when we do that. And tonight that was the moment when I started to think...and cry. 

Meine kleine Engelchen, when I unwrapped myself from your tight hug and tucked you in the bed, I couldn’t stop looking at your sweet face. I couldn’t stop kissing your soft and chubby cheeks and your fine hair. I couldn’t stop biting and sniffing your smooth hands. I couldn’t stop “playing” with your super cute nose. I couldn’t stop looking at your pretty face. And that’s when I started to whisper in your ear: 

“I love you.” 

You are the most beautiful, sweet, lovely and precious gift that ALLAH has sent to me. I hope, wish, beg and pray to ALLAH that you will live a long, happy, healthy and blissful life. That you will never ever have to go through or even feel the slightest pain that I have to suffer. And if you do get problems and have your heart broken, which at some point in your life you certainly will, I hope they will only make you stronger and wiser. I pray that you will make the best decisions and that you will be surrounded by good people. And that if you do meet bad ones, they will only make you realize that you have to be way better than them. And baby, at this exact moment I finally truly understand the phrase “I’d take a bullet for you.” Because baby, that’s exactly how I feel about you. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. 

Kukka Aiko Farza, my baby, my precious Godsend. Ich liebe Dich, meine kleine süße Schatz. Du bist mein Ein und Alles. You are my strength. You are my rock. You are my forever love. You are my everything. 

Friday, April 01, 2016

Dear Kukka: Boys Make Good Friends

My sweetest baby girl,

By the time you read this, I would love to let you know that you and I are getting even more similar everyday. The latest “thing” is regarding friends. I’ve noticed that you’ve been playing with boys more than with your girls friends. It looks like you get along much better with boys rather than girls. And all I can say is... Well... I’m not surprised. Why? Because I also think that boys make better friends than girls. 

Why? One thing for sure: less drama. Boys tell you things as it is. They rarely act or say the opposite things about how they think or feel. Sure they like to tease you a lot but mostly it’s because they like you. Probably even a lot. That’s one of their ways to express their feelings towards you. Why is that? Well many of them don't think or even realize that showing that they actually like you and enjoy being with you could make things easier to understand. #LOL And if they don't like you, they would... Well... They will not play with you. That's it. No pretending, no talking behind your back. They will just choose other friends to play with. Which is a good thing because there's no point in being with people who doesn't like or want to be with you. But if they do like you, boys can be the best of friends you could ever have. They will help you without any hesitations or even questions. If you're lucky enough you will have friends who will be there for you, take care of you and some even comes to the point where they will be there for you and protect you, physically and emotionally. 

Another thing about boys. If you're lucky, you would meet those who are fun AND funny. Some boys can be so fun to be with and they can do or say things that can crack you up. For example I consider myself lucky because I have some friends who are so funny they make me laugh until my tummy hurts. And of course, there's Bapa. He makes us laugh so hard like a lot, right? :) I've been with him since...forever. Yet even to this day he still makes me laugh until tears coming out of my eyes. Or just like your friend, Mika. He’s been friends with you since... I’m not sure but everyday after school you tell me stories about how your day was at school. And Mika, he seems to be always “around” :) One of my favorite moments with you is before bedtime. That’s when you tell me stories about what happened at school and mostly you’re telling me stories about what you did that day with Mika. Mika this, Mika that. Like that night when you told me stories about how Mika “choked” you or that he called you “Poopy Head”. That everytime after he teases you he laughs outloud and runs away. And then you scream for help to your teachers: “Miiiiisssss! Mika said #blablabla to me!” or “Miiiiisssss! Mika did #thisandthat to me!”. But you’re telling me the stories with a happy and amused face. Many times I can't really understand you because you're telling me the stories while you're laughing. By the way I have a video recording for evidence, just in case you’re wondering if I’m making these things up :) And from the look of Mika’s worried/scared face whenever he sees me, I believe in your stories! #LOL

Anyways, another thing is (most) boys don’t whine or cry. I consider myself a very lucky mother because you are not a cry baby. Sure, you do cry. Lately more than you used to, sadly to say. Especially at school when I’m not around and with reasons that are actually pretty lame. But still. You are not an annoying and spoiled cry baby/girl. Just like your Bapa always says “Dia tuh anak baik lho!”. So maybe that’s also a reason why boys like to play with you and vice versa. Because you’re a nice and cool girl. If they tease you, you just chill, laugh and rarely cry. So you see, boys can be a good influence. Because you play with them a lot? :p 

By the way I’m talking about most boys, okay?! Not all of them behave the same way. Some boys are cry babies too. Especially overprotected and spoiled ones. And grown-ups? Well... Men are another thing! #LOL We can talk about them later when you’re................................................................17? :p