Saturday, June 24, 2017

Ied Is Coming

Well what do you know… Fasting month is almost over. In 5 hours to be exact (now: 12:50 pm). So it means that tomorrow is Ied, inSha'Allah. The day when families gather together with extra excitement and love fills the air. Unfortunately it’s also the day when unfamiliar faces pop up in front of you and give you awkward hugs and kisses. For some, it’s also the day when you have to answer cringe-worthy questions or comments, such as “Kapan kawin? (When are you going to get married?)" or “Gemukan ya sekarang! (Gaining some weight, have you?)". For me personally, there’s more. No, I’m not talking about my illness. I’m not going to mention how everybody would ask and comment about it as if they really care. It’s about my precious godsend. 

Hubster and I have been blessed with a daughter who has a super cute face and nice features. Ever since she was still a bald baby, Kukka has been showered with compliments. Although she cried like there was no tomorrow :)) But still… Heads were turned, kisses were given and millions of “Aaaaw!"s were said. Heck! Kukka has fans!!! :)) Now the more she’s growing, the more compliments Kukka is getting. And I think Kukka is starting to realize it. Now you see… Here comes the ”problem”. I’ve always…dislike (read: hate) girls who think that they are sooo pretty! Those girls who are too much aware of themselves, especially of their looks. Actually it also goes for boys (or men!). The bottom line is I don’t like people who think that being good-looking make them better than anybody else. Ugh. No way! 

I don’t want my baby girl to grow up to be one of those kids! God forbid. That’s why ever since I could remember, I always give Kukka compliments for being a very caring and very kindhearted girl. Sometimes on her “insecure” days, Kukka would ask me whether I think she’s pretty or not. I have to admit that question makes me feel like I’m a bad and ungrateful mother. Maybe I should praise Kukka more about her looks… Maybe I should give Kukka more compliments everytime she’s all dressed-up whenever we will go out. That’s why lately I’ve been telling Kukka how pretty she looks with her new hairdo or I love the way she mix-and-matches her clothes. 

But afterwards, again and again and again, that along with those physical perks, I tell Kukka that most importantly ALLAH SWT has given her a beautiful heart and a very smart brain. And that is exactly why people love her. Not because she is pretty or because she’s slim and tall. I keep telling Kukka she has a lot of friends because she’s nice, polite and helpful. No matter how difficult she could be, if she does make a mistake, Kukka will apologize (or SiBubu will make her do it! :p). Whenever we come across people how have less, physically or emotionally, I tell Kukka how different our life could be. But look what ALLAH has given us! Good health, comfy home, lots of friends, and most importantly, great love for each other. At the end of the day, I remind Kukka how fortunate her life is and always remember to thank ALLAH for it. Usually after those kind of mother-daughter talk, Kukka will say “I know, Bubu - I understand, Bubu - Yes I will, Bubu.” And most importantly she will hug me tight and say “I love you, Bubu.”

And that, people, 
is how a mother wraps up her day perfectly and the fasting month blissfully. 
Insha'Allah :)

Thursday, June 22, 2017


I'm still here. 
Holding on to dear life.
With my beloved families and faithful friends. 
And all the other things that I'm still being blessed with.

I'm still here. 
With not much words to say and share.
Yet my heart is bursting with emotions. 
Stuck until I guess only God knows when. 

I'm still here.
To hold grudges slightly and to forgive greatly.
Accepting the fact that world is not always sunshines and rainbows.
That enemies can turn into families and friends can indeed be enemies.

I'm still here.
Aging yet trying. 
Not only to have less life. 
But to appreciate more and take things less for granted.

Well, here I come.

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

Doc Rocksy Menjelaskan:

Bola mata sebelah kiri sempat tidak bereaksi terhadap cahaya selama beberapa detik. Meskipun kejang berkurang, kepala dan mata sebelah kiri masih sering sakit/tegang. Rasa dingin-dingin sekujur tubuh, gemetaran dan jantung deg-degan juga masih sering. Terutama kalau stress, kurang istirahat, berada di lingkungan yang tidak diinginkan/tidak nyaman atau karena kejadian yang tidak menyenangkan/trauma teringat kembali. Tegangan listrik di otak menjadi sangat tinggi/korslet. Hal tersebut juga bisa menyebabkan terjadinya deja vu. Masalah deja vu menarik karena pasien betul-betul yakin bahwa momen tersebut sudah terjadi sementara menurut lawan bicara belum. Seperti cenayang :)) Ngotot-ngototan bisa membuat kesal yang pada akhirnya membuat kepala sakit. 

Sayangnya karena tegangan listrik di otak yang tinggi, dosis Kepra harus dinaikkan lagi menjadi 500 mg. Ternyata selama 2.5 bulan ini dosis 250 mg terbukti tidak cukup. 

Memori masih belum bagus. Masih banyak kejadian yang lupa atau tidak mengenali teman/kerabat. Kemampuan mengingat jalan juga masih jelek. Di supermarket masih sering tersesat. Apalagi di tempat yang lebih luas seperti mall. Masih tidak bisa menemukan tempat yang sebelumnya sudah didatangi, meski cuma ditinggal dalam hitungan menit. Misal di restaurant dari meja makan jalan ke restroom mau balik lagi ke meja makan sudah lupa jalannya. Di supermarket dari lorong A ke B lalu mau kembali ke lorong A masih suka tersesat. Jadwal sehari-hari seperti seragam atau aktifitas anak juga masih harus menyontek buku agenda.

Olahraga: pilates paling bagus. Jangan yang high impact. Elliptical training jangan langsung dijalankan selama 30 menit. Harus bertahap, dimulai dengan 5 menit dulu tapi setiap hari. Baru dinaikkan menjadi 10 menit, 15 menit dan seterusnya.