And even if I do, I always tell her only after I say prayers in her ears. That she will grow up to be a shalihah woman, healthy, smart, generous, and more. Last I say to Kukka that I hope she will grow up to be a beautiful woman, inside and outside. Usually I say it to her in Sundanese, more or less like this:
"Sing shalihah ya neeeeeng! Sing pinter, sehat cantik lahir batin yaaaa!"
I do this every day, almost every time whenever I have the chance.. Why? Because I believe in a mother's prayers for her child. And then I would shower Kukka with kisses until she becomes majorly annoyed and runs away :)) It gets harder by the day though. Since she's becoming bigger, stronger, taller and already has that preteen attitude. Yeah... Kukka already considers my hugs and kisses are bothering.
So... Why don't I tell Kukka that she's pretty very often? Well... First of all I don't want her to grow up to be the kind of woman who thinks that she's so pretty and then behave like a pompous bitch. In Bahasa Indonesia we say it "Sok kecakepan". :)) I also don't want Kukka to think that appearance is everything. I do remind her to take good care of herself, like physically. I always remind her to brush her teeth really well so her mouth won't smell. I remind Kukka to take a shower every day. While having our girls talk, I (still) brush Kukka's hair before bed. I said it'll make her hair healthy and shiny. But I always tell Kukka that being kind and polite will make her even more beautiful.
Lots of my friends or even strangers say to me that I have a beautiful daughter. I just smile and say thank you. Am I proud? Well of course! What kind of mother would I be if I'm not proud to have a pretty daughter?!? The most recent comment about Kukka is from the school. Ever since Kukka got into Sekolah Alam Tangerang she gets teased a lot by the boys. Especially the 6th graders. Kukka doesn't like it. She hates it so much she even gets into fights with them. Hitting the boys with a broom until it broke, coming home crying, looking angry with red puffy eyes. I asked the school what happened. One of their explanations was because Kukka is a new student and she's pretty. So she's an "easy target". The It Girl :)) When the teachers told me and SiBapa, we didn't say anything. We just kept listening to the teacher. I did take a glimpse at SiBapa's face. It was flat. No proud smile or any kind. I smiled and even laughed a bit. In my heart. Not because of the teacher's story. It's because of SiBapa's face! FYI SiBapa is not the kind of person who easily gives praises. Not even to his only daughter. And in this special case I know why. We have the same reasons. And maybe he has more.
Being ungenerous with praises does has its own price though. Especially now that she's in her preteen age, Kukka is becoming even more sensitive and moody. Many times, like out of nowhere, she would come to me and asks "Bubu, do you think I'm pretty?" or "Bubu, do I look beautiful wearing this?" or "Bubu, how do I look? Do I look cute?". Again. I would answer her questions with hugs and kisses and I-love-yous. Sometimes it makes me kind of sad and feel guilty. But again, I answer her questions with prayers, encouragements, hugs and kisses. Aaaaand of course like always, there's a lot of I-love-yous involved :)
I've personally seen and heard stories what lack of love and compassion, physically and verbally, can do to a child. Kukka is my everything. She is Mein Ein und Alles. She is my Precious Godsend. I would take a bullet for her. But again, everything doesn't mean spoiling her like crazy with physical praises and giving her every single thing that she wants. Maybe one day Kukka will blame me for being stingy of praises like this. But one thing for sure, as she gets maturer and smarter, Kukka will be grateful that she has tough parents. Not exactly the best. But SiBapa and SiBubu are pretty...okay? Right, baby girl? :)
