Thursday, January 31, 2019

Another Session, Another Enlightenment

Yesterday was another session with dr. Rocksy. It was earlier than it should be because I had a series of seizures the day before. Good thing I remembered  when the last time we met, dr. Rocksy told me to go to her before 24 hours passed by so she could take some tests. So there I was, in Siloam Hospital again. I was ready to spend the whole day in the hospital. But it turned out I only had to have an EEG (Electroencephalography). It lasted 30 minutes. I remembered I was quite bored. Then all of a sudden the nurse said gently "Sudah, Bu...". I was like "Huh???" I fell asleep!!! :))) 

Minutes later I met dr. Rocksy again. She held my test result in her hand. I was ready to hear some good news. Was it good??? Weeeeeell :)) It was good because dr. Rocksy finally found where the real problem has been "hiding" all this time.  How could she find it??? Because when I went through the EEG, I had seizures :I Again I was like "HUH??? REALLY???" I thought I fell asleep and even snored! Like always, the way dr. Rocksy explained stuff was very clear, detailed, soothing and somewhat funny. No wonder she's one of the best :) In the middle of the session I even had the time to tell her that I met an old lady in the waiting room, asking me what was wrong with me. I told the old lady about my condition. She told me to get a ruqyah or exorcism. :))) Then dr. Rocksy started to explain everything. And this time thankfully I remembered to record it!!! :)))

Dr. Rocksy and I had a good laugh when she told me to...chill? I poured my heart out on this part. She listened to me attentively. This is why I rather go by myself whenever I see her. I can tell her about whatever I want and I don't get any whys-donts-dos-thisisbecauseyous-etc. What is said in her room, stays in her room. Too bad I can only "hangout" with dr. Rocksy in the hospital room. I bet she's an interesting person to spend time with and to blog about :p

Doc Rocksy Menjelaskan:


Akhirnya saya puas banget nih! Ketemu gelombang kejangnya. Bahkan saat dites Ibu lagi kejang. Ini KLASIK sekali! Ini namanya Gelombang Epilepsi. Ada gelombang tajam, diikuti oleh gelombang lambat. Namanya Kompleks Paku Ombak. Spike and Wave. Adanya dominan di daerah otak sebelah kiri. Yang bekas dulu itu. Dulu pernah radang encephalitis kan? Sisanya jadi Jaringan Parut. Parutnya itu yang jadi sumber listrik berlebihnya. Disebut berat kalau gelombangnya ini menyebar ke seluruh otak. Itu yang baru jadi #teethclattering. Konsisten hanya di otak kiri. Yang di otak lain bersih. Tapi kalau dia makin lama, kalau dia memanjang, bisa menyebar ke semua. Tapi saya udah makin tenang... Bukan makin tenang :)) Tapi jadi nggak usah nyari kemana-mana. 

Ini bukan dibuat-buat. Ini takutnya kalau ada yang masih nanya ya... Bukan juga psikis. Meskipun pemicunya bisa karena stress. Dosis obat sedikit dinaikkan. Tapi memang di samping kenaikan dosis, betul, faktor-faktor pemicu mesti dikontrol. Emosi. Cemas. Khawatir. Takut. Marah. Sedih. Senang. Mesti kayanya lempeeeng aja gitu! Ngga beremosi. Makanan jangan sampai terlalu lapar deh... Gula turun, laper, makanan buat otak berkurang. Bisa jadi pemicu. Nanti bulan puasa, latihan dulu beberapa hari supaya terbiasa.

Selain makanan, cape, emosi, sinar terlalu terang juga kadang-kadang bisa memicu. Tapi biasanya kalau yang temporal lobe ini karena emosi atau stress sih... Bener kata si kecil ya :)) Olahraga paling bener, paling rileks pilates. Jalan sore bagus banget sebetulnya. Jam 4an aja. Jangan menjelang maghrib. Secara medisnya, dari terang ke gelap, tubuh kita mengeluarkan hormon sebagai persiapan untuk tidur. Tapi kadang-kadang hormon tidurnya itu bikin ada nggak seimbang yang lain-lainnya juga. Yang kedua, dari terang ke gelap, mata kita juga adaptasi. Jadi kadang-kadang karena masalah ada perubahan aja sih... Karena ini lebih sensitive aja...

.......... (Actual conversation shortened and edited)

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Why I Don't Tell Kukka That She's Pretty (Very Often)

And even if I do, I always tell her only after I say prayers in her ears. That she will grow up to be a shalihah woman, healthy, smart, generous, and more. Last I say to Kukka that I hope she will grow up to be a beautiful woman, inside and outside. Usually I say it to her in Sundanese, more or less like this: 

"Sing shalihah ya neeeeeng! Sing pinter, sehat cantik lahir batin yaaaa!" 

I do this every day, almost every time whenever I have the chance.. Why? Because I believe in a mother's prayers for her child. And then I would shower Kukka with kisses until she becomes majorly annoyed and runs away :)) It gets harder by the day though. Since she's becoming bigger, stronger, taller and already has that preteen attitude. Yeah... Kukka already considers my hugs and kisses are bothering.

So... Why don't I tell Kukka that she's pretty very often? Well... First of all I don't want her to grow up to be the kind of woman who thinks that she's so pretty and then behave like a pompous bitch. In Bahasa Indonesia we say it "Sok kecakepan". :)) I also don't want Kukka to think that appearance is everything. I do remind her to take good care of herself, like physically. I always remind her to brush her teeth really well so her mouth won't smell. I remind Kukka to take a shower every day. While having our girls talk, I (still) brush Kukka's hair before bed. I said it'll make her hair healthy and shiny. But I always tell Kukka that being kind and polite will make her even more beautiful.

Lots of my friends or even strangers say to me that I have a beautiful daughter. I just smile and say thank you. Am I proud? Well of course! What kind of mother would I be if I'm not proud to have a pretty daughter?!? The most recent comment about Kukka is from the school. Ever since Kukka got into Sekolah Alam Tangerang she gets teased a lot by the boys. Especially the 6th graders. Kukka doesn't like it. She hates it so much she even gets into fights with them. Hitting the boys with a broom until it broke, coming home crying, looking angry with red puffy eyes. I asked the school what happened. One of their explanations was because Kukka is a new student and she's pretty. So she's an "easy target". The It Girl :)) When the teachers told me and SiBapa, we didn't say anything. We just kept listening to the teacher. I did take a glimpse at SiBapa's face. It was flat. No proud smile or any kind. I smiled and even laughed a bit. In my heart. Not because of the teacher's story. It's because of SiBapa's face! FYI SiBapa is not the kind of person who easily gives praises. Not even to his only daughter. And in this special case I know why. We have the same reasons. And maybe he has more.

Being ungenerous with praises does has its own price though. Especially now that she's in her preteen age, Kukka is becoming even more sensitive and moody. Many times, like out of nowhere, she would come to me and asks "Bubu, do you think I'm pretty?" or "Bubu, do I look beautiful wearing this?" or "Bubu, how do I look? Do I look cute?". Again. I would answer her questions with hugs and kisses and I-love-yous. Sometimes it makes me kind of sad and feel guilty. But again, I answer her questions with prayers, encouragements, hugs and kisses. Aaaaand of course like always, there's a lot of I-love-yous involved :)

I've personally seen and heard stories what lack of love and compassion, physically and verbally, can do to a child. Kukka is my everything. She is Mein Ein und Alles. She is my Precious Godsend. I would take a bullet for her. But again, everything doesn't mean spoiling her like crazy with physical praises and giving her every single thing that she wants. Maybe one day Kukka will blame me for being stingy of praises like this. But one thing for sure, as she gets maturer and smarter, Kukka will be grateful that she has tough parents. Not exactly the best. But SiBapa and SiBubu are pretty...okay? Right, baby girl? :)    

Wednesday, January 02, 2019


Well what do you know... Another year has passed & 2019... It's here. Man... Time flies. It's been too long since my last writing too... I don't know why but I just didn't have the urge to blog. Not that there's nothing to write about. There is. A lot. For example, let's start with the most important one: my last visit to dr. Rocksy. Usually I dedicate a whole blogpost just for this particular "topic" but for now, let's just... Share. Shall we?

1. Doc Rocksy Menjelaskan:

It was a month earlier check-up than it supposed to... But I had to get a formal letter from my dear doctor which stated that I am suffering from this & that & have to bring certain medications. What for? Because we went to spend holiday in Kuala Lumpur. I forgot to record my conversation with dr. Rocksy but one thing I do remember: WHEN I GET SEIZURE, IMMEDIATELY GO TO THE DOC: I will have to get EEG (Electroencephalogram). I also remember that she was not very happy about the light seizures I got. Especially when I showed dr. Rocksy the video taken by my BFF...

2. Destination: Kuala Lumpur

Doing random stuff or going to random places is nothing unusual for us. So when SiBapa said how about if we spend 4 days 3 nights in Kuala Lumpur? I was like... Okay. When? December 27th - January 1st. So yes... We spent the New Year's Eve in KL. Lucky us there was still a room available in The Renaissance Hotel. Why lucky? Because it was high season! And we booked it literally in the last minute! Well... Not exactly minute like... Minute. But you get what I mean, right?! Days before we flew to KL I googled the places we wanted to visit & made a schedule. But as predicted, it was pretty much useless :)) We rented a car, went shopping, took pictures in front of Petronas Twin Towers, visited Colmar Tropicale French Town & my loved ones had fun in Adventure Park & Paintball Warfare. Hubster bought durian & had to eat it outside the car :)) Then we visited Village Park Restaurant, a place known for its delicious Nasi Lemak Ayam Goreng. Then we had a road trip to Ipoh. I even took a picture of the signage. Hollywood style :) On Monday we had a road trip to Penang. We crossed the very long Penang Bridge. I enjoyed the long drive. The view was beautiful. We went to The Chocolate Boutique  - Chocolate & Coffee Museum. To be honest there was nothing much to see but we bought some chocolate bars & it's delicious. We also visited Lost World of Tambun. While my babies enjoyed the hot spring, I was just chilling in one of the huts. As for the New Year's Eve... We spent it inside the hotel room. I guess we were too tired to spend it outside. Although there was a countdown party by the pool at the hotel... I could hear people partying & screaming the countdown. Kukka & I watched the fireworks from our bedroom window. It was beautiful. And loud. Very loud :D

Well... I guess this is all I can remember for now. I don't do New Year's Resolution thing but I do have some plans that I would like to do, avoid & achieve in 2019. Wish me luck & have a happy new year to you all :)

Dear Kukka: Congratulations!

I'm sorry for posting this story waaaaaay too late! Now let's just see if I still can remember what happened on that day. What day? THE DAY WHEN YOU OFFICIALLY EARNED YOUR OWN MONEY! And I was right there beside you :*

It was on August 25th and it started with Oom Popong, my friend, who contacted me & asked whether you & I were willing to be in his upcoming project. It was not my thing but you were totally up to it. Especially when you found out that you were going to get paid!!! :))) The fact that you had to talk in front of the camera didn't freak you out. After all, it wasn't your first time. You were interviewed by Metro TV once: 

-click link- 

It seemed that you also had a good time with Oom Popong. Although just like any other shooting (Been there, done that!), it was tiring!!! We were at the location early in morning but got interviewed hours later. My memory about the whole thing is already blurry. But I do remember that you were very cheerful, totally cool about being on set with lots of people and... Talkative like always? :) Too bad I still couldn't get the video of you from Oom Popong but I did manage to get some pictures when you were being interviewed.

"I felt confident and happy when I was being interviewed by Om Popong. And it was really fun. He asked me a lot of questions about how old I am, and what I did at school. And I answered him with positive answers. I remember too that we had a photosession with you (Bubu). He also asked me about you. About what you do everytime when I'm with you." 

Well that's my precious godsend :) Very confident. As for me, I do remember I was very nervous and couldn't give a lot of answers. Thank god I didn't get any seizures because of it :))) Contrary to some opinions about me, talking in front of public certainly is not... Me :))) I guess you got those particular positive traits from SiBapa, eh?! :p So what's next on your agenda? Acting in SiBapa's commercials? :)