Monday, September 24, 2007

A Different Kind of Ramadhan

Why is it different? Oh, I don’t know.

Maybe it’s because, oddly enough, I was really looking forward to it since months ago.
Maybe it’s because I get to spend it in an actual house. OUR home.
Maybe it’s because there’s no sound of kentongan, tiang listrik dipukul-pukul, ato gerombolan orang keliling kompleks sambil teriak “Saur, saur!” (the things you’d miss if you lived in a townhouse :p)
Maybe it’s because I get to have a warm, delicious, real meal for saur. Bukan nasi ato ayam goreng yang dibeli malem sebelumnya.
Maybe it’s because my husband & I makan saurnya sambil duduk di tangga, nikmatin udara subuh & seringkali ditemenin sama kucing gila.
Maybe it’s because this time, I just want to be alone.
Maybe it’s because I’ve become a bore.
Maybe it’s because I want to be silent.
Maybe it’s because I’m older.
Maybe it’s because I’m scared.
Maybe it’s because I’m tired.

Maybe it’s because I’m more alive.

Maybe it's because I got so overwhelmed by these strange yet beautiful emotions.

I just want intimate things, moments, & persons.
To be able to do my prayers & asking for forgiveness in peace.
No bukber, useless chit chats, hingar-bingar, or excessive eating.
Just… Peace.

Or...
Maybe it’s because now, not only do I have the desire to be a better person, but I’m actually trying really hard to do something about it.

And dear God I surely hope I’ll turn into one sometime soon.
Real soon.

Amin.

3 comments:

drake4life said...

Amien. InsyaAllah. I'm happy you've found the essence of Ramadhan.

renee said...

Did I really read it correctly? hehehe .. Happy that you've found peace :D

Farika said...

Sister: Yeeeeah baby! U got it right perfectly! Hihihhi Heh! U should be proud dooong! :P