Today And Forever

 Never once I doubted that you are my reason to live. 

And again today God showed me a solid proof. 

That you are my love, my guardian, my life, my everything. 

Our tears are mine to wipe and the moments are ours to treasure. 

Forever and always. 

I love you Bebi 😘

Kukka's Birthday Surprise ... Not!

Well... It didn't go exactly as planned but still... She was pretty surprised 😄 Today is my Precious Godsend's 14th birthday. Days before I already told The Dynamic Duo, Dewi and Yuli, to come extra early. There were balloons to be hanged and Indomie Goreng as birthday cake to be made. And like always there were always some drama 😂 Like... It turned out I ordered 4 ZEROS instead of a 1 and a 4!!! 🤣 Luckily I had an idea to make a big flower out of the Zeros, added with small colorful balloons in the middle. I also just realized that I forgot to buy the 1 and 4 birthday candles!!! And there were no more birthday candles left in the kitchen drawer. I texted Ari ASAP and told him to buy the candles on the way here. Like always, he texted a couple of dumb questions and sent me a picture of which candle he should buy:

I mean... Really???? 😑😑😑 But I was too busy arranging the balloons to be pissed or even commented about it. I did ask whether there was nicer ones. He said no. Okay. Then Dewi, Yuli and I kept pumping and arranging the balloons. Some popped and made really really loud sound 😂 The 3 of us were shocked and worried that Hubs or/and Kukka would wake up before everything was ready. I think some balloons popped because of the hot temp, some because Dewi pumped them too big. A couple of the balloons also popped when Dewi tried to hang them on the window bar. I was really worried she would fall down from stool bar 😅

Of course lots of laughters were involved while Moochi was looking at us and the balloons with big eyes. He didn't like the balloons at all 😸 While Dewi and Yuli took care of the balloons, I made a short Happy Birthday Playlist on Spotify. The plan was to play the songs when Kukka came out of the bedroom and EVERYTHING WAS READY! Buuuuuut..... Suddenly the bedroom opened aaaaaaand there she was! The Birthday Girl!!! 😂 Dewi, Yuli and I were like "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!" 🤣 

The Birthday Girl's eyes were opened wide and sparkly. She also had that cute and pretty smile on her face. I immediately hugged her and asked "Kok udah banguuuun??? Kan tadi malem udah sengaja dibolehin tidur maleeem!" Yeah... I let her sleep past midnight the previous night. I thought it would make her wake up around 8:30 am which would give us more time to prepare. Still with a wide smile on her face she said "I'm so sorry...." 😄🥰😘 So while The Birthday Girl was still busy looking at the balloons and answering my questions, Dewi was preparing the birthday "cake": 2 Indomie Goreng with candles on top 🥳 Before blowing the candles I turned on the songs I've chose from Spotify such as: some random Happy Birthday Song by Cocomelon, Happy - From Despicable Me 2: Pharell Williams, Selamat Ulang Tahun by Jamrud, Happy Birthday - Dance Mix, and Birthday by Katy Perry 😂 Then it was time to blow out the candles. Bubu, Dewi and Yuli sang Happy Birthday and I must say that our voices were bad 🤣 But I'm pretty sure The Birthday Girl didn't hear us because she was mesmerized by the Indomie Goreng Birthday Cake 🥳

Seconds later The Birthday Girl (and Bubu 😋) were enjoying the überdelicious Indomie Goreng. That was all she wanted. 2 Indomie Goreng for her 14th birthday. No money, no toys, no cellphone, no... Oh I don't know! New clothes and make-up?? 🤪 If it wasn't for me I'm sure she also wouldn't come up to ask her Bapa for Robux. 2 Indomie Goreng. That's it. After she finished her birthday present, Dewi gave Kukka a big bouquet of the snacks she loves: Chitato, Pocky and Sari Gandum. "Ini dari Mba Dewi dan Kevin ya, neng!" said Dewi while handing over the bouquet. Kukka was thrilled 😊 

I was touched by the attention Dewi gave for my baby. This is just like what happened on my birthday. Yuli who was sweeping the floor said "Maaf ya neng Mba Yuli ngga bisa kasih apa-apa...". I patted Yuli on the back and said "Mba Yuli udah ngurusin kebutuhan Kukka setiap hari. Udah lebih dari cukup." My girl hugged Yuli and said "Iyaa! Terima kasih Mba Yuli!" How can I not love this Precious Godsend of mine über alles? 🤗🥰 

And then finally after the whole thing was almost over, her Bapa woke up. We gave Kukka the other birthday present she wanted: Robux.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think last year she asked for the same thing 🙄 Sometimes I just don't get this girl... 

And of course there's another family member who didn't want to be left out from the party and gave Kukka a present too...

Mooooooocccchhhiiiiiiii!!!!!

Dear Kukka: You and Me

My baby, my beloved. My precious Godsend, my everything. 

It's been too long since my last rambling. If I should start again, why not now? 

And naturally, why shouldn't it be for and about us? 😚 

A lot of things have happened. Good and the worse. The unthinkable. The indespicable. I feel like I'm standing on hollow ground. Yet at the same time I'm floating here and there, not knowing whether I'm gonna land safely or shattered into pieces. I can see the broken glasses, filth and dirt. Every layer hurts so much it practically makes me feel nothing. As if everything just as it is, as it is, as is. Of course nothing is the same. I don't know what to say or how to feel or who to trust anymore but one. For this, I'm giving myself extra credit for still being able to find the unstained side of the dumpster. I can see without doubts that I have a bright side to hold on to. 

You 🥰 

Bebi... You and I are destined to enjoy this incredible ride together. Eversince love "flew" inside me and gave you life... ... Wait. That doesn't sound right but you get what I mean 😆 You and Bubu? We have each other's backs. You're my buffer. I'm your shield. You're my guardian angel. I'm your eternal protector. The fact that you are now a teenager makes it even better! Your sharp and annoying comments, your typical teenager Just-Leave-Me-Alone attitude, your I'm-gonna-shock-Bubu kind of questions aaaaaand our nightly super deep pillow talks... 😉 Every single thing makes our life, especially mine, better than greater. Probably 99% as I pictured it would be if I'm blessed with a daughter. Well I'm beyond blessed!! Although I must say that I'm still not physically and mentally prepared 😂 I mean like those arguments we had? The topics, the words, the physical gestures???? Practically taken out of Hollywood movies!!! 🤣 But like I said: This is why I always wanted and prayed for a daughter. My precious Godsend 🥰 

These past 13-going on 14 years have been one hell of a ride in every way. And Bubu surely is looking forward to many exciting years to come, as long as you're there. Bebi, I'll be right next to you. I love you 😘

Dear Kukka: Yes baby?

It's been 2 months since my last post. It's not like there's nothing worth writing for has happened. I was just not in the mood. But like always, you inspire me. Woohooo surprise (NOT!)! 😋 These last couple of days... I mean come on! There's no way I'm not going to write about it. Although most of the stuff we do have to keep it to ourselves, some I do want to put it in writing.

You know that it's been always my dream since forever to have a daughter. A version of Bapa & I combined, who later on can be the one I share personal things to. Good, bad, happy stuff, sad stuff, wishes, secrets, regrets. Absolutely about everything. Well maybe there are some stuff I should keep it to myself because it might hurt your feelings. Or probably even...damage you later on as an adult? 😂 But again... These last 2 years I'm watching you growing up to be a smart, intelligent preteen with super sensitive soul and a sharp mind. I mean... The things you say and comment about... And the questions you ask?!?! Man... I must confess many times you're giving me the chills, baby 😆 It's like you see right through me and there's nothing I can hide from you. Even the words you choose are PRECISE. Not those childish hints which are stupidly too easy to read. None are vague or dumb. As a matter of fact I think many times you're just pretending as if you don't know about some things. It's just because you want to ask me. You want to hear my opinions coming right out of my mouth straight to you. And this is exactly why I always want a daughter. I always want this kind of relationship. This is why I always wanted YOU.

Our conversations now cover various of more...may I say...sophisticated topics? Although silly ones are obviously still there 😏 Lots of topics just get more complicated for me to answer immediately. I have to ask you for some time so I can google first 😅 Better for me to confess that I'm clueless rather than giving you stupid and wrong answers. Right?!? Which in not so near future you will find out anyways and big chance you turn them into jokes to make me look silly. Like you and your beloved Bapa always do 😒 

Our girl talk usually happens before bedtime. When every task of the day is finished and we just lay down together on the bed. Waiting until the Sandman sprinkles his magical sand onto our eyes. Our conversation starts with you asking "Hey Bubu?" and I would smile to myself in the dark, answering "Yes baby?". Then there they are. The questions, the comments, the stories, the what ifs... Often followed by me gasping or holding my breath, thinking very hard how to satisfy your curiousity. I believe once I told myself not to be those kind of mothers who give answers to their children just for the sake of answering. I want to give you the right answers. I want to tell you the truth. Good or bad. Nothing is too gross. None is too innocent. I want to tell you things as it is. It will be quite difficult I pressume. Since you are a smart and sensitive kid. Now... The things I tell you might not as interesting as you hear from Bapa or as you expected them to be. But one thing for sure: they will be honest.

You do have to remember though, baby... It's been already 12 years but I'm still learning here. And I guess I will never stop learning how to be a good mother. Because I'm sure there will always be something new for me to learn. So cut me some slack if I make mistakes, okay? 😉 I'm also the one who you spend most of your time with. Yet it doesn't mean that you can rely on me like every second of the day. The things you can and cannot do are not up to me. It's all you. Although sadly that is not how most people would see. If a child cannot do things, it's always the mother who is to blame. Sad. I know. But that's just how it is. This topic once led to other questions such as how I would feel if you don't want to get married and what if you don't want to have children. I remember I had quite a chuckle before giving you my answers. 

Another update about you is that apparently now I also have to ask for your approval first before posting anything that has to do with you. Pictures, comments, stories, etc. Fair enough. You are not a baby anymore. 😊 Ugly pictures, embarassing stories, private moments and such can only be found in my diary. 😏 But then when the night comes... After our cuddling time and girl talk end... And I'm looking at your beautiful and peaceful sleeping face... At that moment I know for sure... That you will always be my baby. My one and only love of my life. My Baiyi. 😘😍

Dear Kukka: Happy 12 & Welcome To SMP Pembangunan Jaya!

Well... I don't care how old you get. You will always be our SiBaiyi. 

Whose cheeks I kiss, sniff and bite every second every day. 

I will always hug you as tight as I can, 

and shower you with kisses no matter how annoyed or angry you get. 

You are a gift from above. Our precious godsend, forever and always. 

HAPPY 12th BIRTHDAY! :*

Extra special things happened on this year's birthday. You received so many presents! SiBapa gave you that Nintendo thing including the game Animal Crossing which you've always wanted. By the way your reaction was priceless when we gave you the present. It turned out it's because you didn't expect it but you did know what it was. I guess the shape of the box gave it away huh?! :)) 

And then like it couldn't get any better, your uncles joined in and spoiled you to the max by sending you more presents! Uncle Ferry and Uncle Harry gave you Yooka-Laylee and Pokemon Shield to play with your new toy. Like I said "Dimanjaaaaa!" :p 

Anyways SiBapa and SiBubu also want to congratulate you for officially being a junior high student :) Congratulations! I bet it is going to be another adventurous year. Not only for you but also for SiBapa and SiBubu. Considering that you have to do practically everything from home because of this vicious virus... To tell you the truth I'm actually quite sad that you have to start your new phase of life this way. The "New Normal" way they say. Well I don't like it!! :( I like the NOT normal way. Wait. Or is it the old normal way? :)) Why? Well I would love for you to meet your new teachers in person and make new friends face to face. I would love to see you run around and explore your new school with those curious eyes of yours. I would love to hear your stories when you come home from school. Or even kissing the sweaty-smelly Kukka! Unfortunately everything has to be done via screen nowadays. Internet, cellphones, apps and computers etc. But if that's the best way to do than so be it. Better safe than sorry, right?

You being a 7th grader is a very big challenge for me too. SiBapa keeps reminding me for the gazzilionth times to leave you alone. To let you do your things on your own. To give you some space. To give you bigger responsibilities. He told me to stop nagging you to do your homeworks. SiBapa said I should not interfere with your daily school things. If you forget something, if you miss your assignments, if you get bad grades, if you get left behind, it will be on your hands. Not mine or Bapa's. And if that's what you deserve, than so be it. Tough? Yes. Mean? Well... Not really :)) It might feel and looks like it sometimes but... To put things short and simple just remember this: you reap what you sow. That "future consequences are inevitably shaped by present actions" - dictionary.com.

Life is an adventure and that is best lived boldy. 

So go have fun with your new teachers and friends, be grateful and polite, stay healthy and always be happy! 

I love you :*

Dear Kukka: Congratulations!

YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL GRADUATE!!!! WOOOHOOO!!!

After all those ups and downs, dramas, tears, laughters, frustrations, celebrations, tensions, surprises, adventures and everything in between in Sekolah Cikal Cilandak and Sekolah Alam Tangerang, you, my forever-baby-girl, are now off to the next level of your life: JUNIOR HIGH. 

Good God!!! 😅 I'm still having a tough time to believe it. No. To PRONOUNCE it even!!! To say it outloud whenever later on people ask me what grade you are in now. And I would answer "Oh my daughter in first grade...junior high!" 

Don't get me wrong. I'm obviously very happy and excited about it. But to tell you the truth, I'm also kinda nervous. I mean... Come on... You? In junior high? Considering what an adventurous and headstrong girl you are, I bet junior high will be...a blast? 😬 And as I wrote before on the previous post, your teacher, Bunda Rurie said: "Kukka memiliki keyakinan diri yang kuat dan tidak mudah diatur." 😂 Okay, okay, I'm such a drama queen but so what?!?!?! I AM YOUR MOTHER! It's God-given nature to feel and act this way toward your child. And it's totally normal for you to be annoyed and think "Argh! Okay! So what?!?" 😆 BUT!!! Like I've always said to you... 

One day, when you do have a child on your own, you will finally understand why I can't stop hugging and kissing you, why I get angry whenever you do things just for the sake of doing it when I know that you actually can do so much more, why I can't stop biting those smooth, beautiful yet thankfully still chunky long legs, and most of all why I'm having these mixed feelings about you going to the next level of your life. But for sure, babycakes, wherever you are, I'm very proud of and I'm with you all the way.

Ich liebe dich, Mein Ein und Alles. 😘

Thank You Sekolah Alam Tangerang

It's official. Our baby girl is an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL GRADUATE. YEAY! :))

Kukka already received her certificate days ago. But this morning the kids, parents and teachers got together via Zoom and had a Lepas Kenang moment. It took quite an effort to get all families together on screen. When the families were ready every student had to say a few words about the time in Sekolah Alam Tangerang. Kukka prepared her speech just the night before. It was 16 sentences long and I must say I'm very proud of her :)

You can tell that Kukka was very serious when she wrote it. The speech was about her feelings as a new student in Sekolah Alam Tangerang, about her struggle, her likes and dislikes, even about the dramas when she had fights and said bad words at school :)) And yes, it was in Bahasa Indonesia and Kukka did it all by herself. Woohoo! That's another part which makes me, and very possibly also her teachers all proud and full of tears of...joy? :) Afterall they were the ones who patiently taught Kukka from Monday to Friday for 2 years. Bunda Rurie, Kukka's teacher also wrote a description of Kukka which I think is totally spot on :))

"Kukka anak yang suka menggambar. Kukka juga suka designing, animating dan drafting karena Kukka memiliki ide-ide imajinasi yang tinggi. Kukka memiliki keyakinan diri yang kuat dan tidak mudah diatur." -Bunda Rurie-

Well yeah... That's SiBapa's girl alright :)) Especially the "tidak mudah diatur" part. I wonder where she got it from :p Anyways personally it was also a very emotional moment for me. Not only because now I have to accept the fact that my kid is an elementary graduate. Practically a teenager. But also because I have to say goodbye to the mothers who have been so nice to me these past couple of years. The moms who have been very patient, very helpful, always reply my questions day and night, and obviously they are fun to be with. I can't even imagine how to get through Kelas 5 dan Kelas 6 without them. I really hope our friendship will last long :)

Finally I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the teachers in Sekolah Alam Tangerang. Because of you, Kukka has become a better person and hopefully everything she has learned in Sekolah Alam Tangerang will be a valuable asset for her future. Oh! And also thank you to Pak Amsari the school security man, who always greets me with a friendly hello and a wide smile :) 

And this is a video beautifully done by Bunda Audrey, Elang's mom. Text and narration by me (which SiBapa & Kukka don't believe at all that the voice-over is MY VOICE -_- )

Kukka Merantau II: To Desa Hanjeli

December 9 - 13th was quite an adventure for my beloved Godsend. And for me actually! It was Kukka's second outing and it was my first time ever being without her and not having any communication whatsoever for so long. This time the outing was called "Merantau II: The Harmonizer - Menjadi Generasi Yang Berani, Peduli dan Bermanfaat" The destination was to Desa Wisata Hanjeli 

Kukka's adventure started right after I dropped her off at school. As you may know by now, things in Sekolah Alam Tangerang is not easy. Travelling included. There was no fancy Full-AC busses or such. The kids and their mentors had to take trains, walked on their own carrying big and heavy backpacks, on-off angkots etc. It really was a tiring adventure. The actvities started very early in the mornings, doing fajr prayers and dzikir in the mosque. They even spent the first night in the mosque if I'm not mistaken. In Desa Hanjeli the kids did lots of activities which they couldn't do in the city. It was quite impressing and I was actually happy when I saw the pictures. I mean... In this adventure Kukka did things that she probably could never do if she's travelling with her parents. She actually stayed in the local villager's house. She learned how to play wayang golek. She went to turtles conservation. She had to use squating toilettes which she doesn't like :)) She planted Job's Tears or Biji Hanjeli. She made this snack which she called "rice crispies" but I think what she meant is rengginang :p Kukka also mentioned that in the village there were lots of chickens and dogs and that the dogs like to eat tempe :)) The most memorable moment for Kukka was when she visited the waterfall in Curug Sodong. She said it was very beautiful. Oh! And Kukka also made this beautiful necklace for me from scratch!

 

There are also lots of stories, funny ones, that are too secretive to share. It involved embarrassing moments that happened to some of her friends hence the secretive. "Don't write the name on your blog!" she said. :)) I asked Kukka how much she missed me. Very much and I cried, she said. Oh baby... I did too... I cried because I missed you so much and I didn't know for sure how you were. And I didn't hear your voice for THAT long!!! It was almost impossible. The maids, Dewi and Yuli always checked up on me. Especially in the evenings. They were really worried I would get seizures and such and because it did happened once or twice. I'm very thankful for having them around :) I did use the time when Kukka was away for my regular check up with dr. Rocksy, having lunch with friends and spent some me-times.

On the day the kids were coming, the moms were very busy preparing surprises. When we picked up the kids from school we made sure that there were no cars on the school parking lots. So the kids wouldn't know that their parents were actually there. Waiting to hug and kiss them like crazy. We decorated the hall, prepared lots of food for the kids etc. 

                                                                    

And when the kids showed up... Oh my... I couldn't hold my tears. I screamed my baby's name, hugged her soooo tight and cried. I was so happy that my baby was back in my arms healthy and happy. My baby looked fresh and healthy alhamdulillah. The only thing that was different was her skin which looked a bit darker. After lots of hugs and kisses I gave her a welcome home gift from SiBapa: 1,700 ROBUX! There's nothing else she would appreciate more. In fact Kukka was probably happier receiving those Robux than being squeezed by her SiBubu :))

Kukka Goes To Hanoi

So... It started with a phone call from a number I didn't recognized. I almost ignore it like I always do to unknown numbers. But this time I decided to take it. It turned out it was from Skaci, Kukka's computer course. The first thing that popped in my head was "Uh oh... What did she do?" :)) Skaci told me that Kukka was chosen to compete in ASEAN Cyber Kids Camp 2019 in Hanoi along with Cloudine, another student from Skaci. I was like "...HUH...?" ASEAN??? Hanoi??? Kukka???" I asked her to repeat everything from the beginning. Slowly. :)) It took a bit of a time before I told Hubster about it. Because... Well... Kukka did win the Skaci Bintaro Cyber Kids 2 years in a row but I didn't expect this to happen. 

Anyways after that surprising phone call, the commotion began. Starting from discussing whether or not we should let Kukka go to Hanoi alone (with Cloudine & 1 Skaci chaperone) to finally deciding that I do have to come along with her to Vietnam. The (next) biggest problem was right on those dates when the event was held, August 12th - 15th, Hubster's schedule was packed. Really. I saw his timeline and there's no free time at all. Finding the right person to go with us was not an easy thing. Why not just me? Well... You know :) Or not? Well... There's always a possibility that I might get seizures like...anywhere? Plane. Hotel. Tourist sites. I could even get lost!!! I still get lost in the middle of my favorites malls for god sakes! This is so annoying -__- So yeah... I really had to have a chaperone of my own :)) Now... I can't really remember how this idea came and who had it first, but after lots of well-thought-out discussions Hubster and I finally decided that I should bring Dewi along to this trip. Yes. THAT Dewi. Our maid. She's been with us a long time now which means we can trust her. Dewi knows my condition and has experiences how to treat me if anything happens. She's smart, healthy and quick. Dewi also has great initiative to do this and that. Basically she was the best person to come along with me and Kukka to Hanoi. It was Hubster who told Dewi about the news. I don't really remember exactly what Hubster said but when he did Dewi surely was very surprised and obviously happy. Next was making a passport for Dewi since she didn't have one. I had the duty to find the best deals of airlines tickets and hotel. We decided to take the same planes, Singapore Airlines, and stayed at Melia Hanoi, the same hotel with the kids and Ibu Sofie, the chaperone from Skaci Pusat. And so the adventure began.

Day 1, August 12th

When we arrived in Hanoi a guy from the event picked us up and took us to Hotel Melia Hanoi. His name is difficult for us to pronounce and too hard for me to remember :)) But he is a very nice guy. The minute we all sat comfortably in the car he gave us a box of Vietnamese local cake. They look and feel sort of like mochi. But more colorful. Anyways... After exchanging phone numbers I finally understand the chaperone's name: Dan Le. But still. I couldn't pronounce it correctly. :)) On the way to the hotel we passed by some historical buildings and famous local places. Dan Le gave us informations just like a tourist guide would do. But I didn't pay too much attention because all I wanted was take a shower and just lay down on the bed. AND SLEEP!!! :)) Yes. Those were the first things I did when I finally got in the bedroom which I shared with Dewi. Kukka stayed in the same bedroom with Bu Sofie and Cloudine as she supposed to. I told Kukka again and again that the fact I was there shouldn't change a thing. That she should...pretend that I wasn't there. Just because I tagged along didn't mean that she could sleep in my bedroom and be with me all time. I told Kukka that me being there in Hanoi with her was for my (and her Bapa's) peace of mind. That...at least I was in the same city, the same time zone, the same country with her :)) Then after an evening stroll to a restaurant named Quan An Ngon and back to the hotel,  Dewi, Kukka and I decided to go to sleep. Because we needed it. Very much. Zzz....

Day 2, August 13th

Alhamdulillah I had a very good sleep. I don't think I woke up even once which I usually do since I'm taking the necessary pills. Then at 6am in the morning, when it was time for me to take my morning pills I heard "Selamat pagi Bu..." I almost jumped out of my bed!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!! I TOTALLY FORGOT THAT DEWI WAS ON THE OTHER BED NEXT TO MINE!!!! Dewi laughed and thought I was being hilarious. Well... The shock was real!!! :))) Then it was time for breakfast. My favorite moment. My baby and I met in the restaurant. She said she had a pretty okay night sleep :) BTW this was Dewi's first time enjoying breakfast buffet in a hotel. I told Dewi that she could eat whatever she wanted which was served on the buffet. She was like "Huh??? Ngga bayar Bu???" My mistake :) I didn't explain how things are working in a hotel. I guess it was because I assumed that everybody knows :D Minutes after I told her that everything is free, the food, the drinks, the dessert and other stuff, Dewi ate a lot! :)) She basically tried every single thing in the buffet, I had to remind her that we still had 3 more mornings/breakfast times. After breakfast I saw this lady on the Buffalo Tours tourist desk. Her name is Nham Thi Van and her english name is Lucy. Lucy is probably the first and only person in Hanoi who I can understand very well. Her english is excellent! Because I could understand her very well, after I booked a half-day trip to Ha Long Bay, I decided to ask Lucy about other tourist sites in Hanoi. Thanks to Lucy, Dewi and I finally had a tourist map! :)) She circled and written all the places that we should visit. Starting from the hotel and back. Meanwhile this day was Kukka's first day in ASEAN Cyber Kids Camp in the hotel's Function Room. And since I already booked a tour for tomorrow, today was the only time Dewi and I could walk around the town and buy souvenirs. Most importantly Mom's wish: a handbag :) 

But first thing first: The Vietnamese Women's Museum. It's on my list and was worth every minute of it. After that Dewi and I went to the Red Bridge on Hoàn Kiem Lake. 

The park was beautiful but the weather was too damn hot for me to be on the famous bridge. And there were too many people taking pictures on it. Just looking at the crowd made me dizzy already. So I took some pictures with the red bridge as the background. Just for the sake of having a proof that I was at least NEAR that bridge. Right??? Right???? :)) I took some time to relax on the park bench right next to Hoan Kiem Lake, enjoying the shade under the trees, looking at the people here and there. It was really nice. I think I even managed to snooze a little bit. I can't really remember where Dewi was. I think she did manage to be on the bridge after I told her to go. She made sure I was okay  and bought me a sausage stick for snack. Then the journey continued. It was already noon and I thought it was time to look for some souvenirs. So we went to this area which is apparently quite famous for buying souvenirs. Luong Van Chan Street. I walked passed lots of souvenirs shops but none of them felt right. For example, shop A is too expensive while I considered shop B's owner to be rude. Why rude? Well... I don't want to spend my money in a shop where the owner just sit around on a leaning chair, sweating and "offered" me by pointing the stuff with words that I couldn't understand. She didn't even bother to stand up. No thank you. So I continued to walk and walk again with sweat all over my body. After about 3-4 shops I finally found this souvenir shop which has nice goods and most importantly the young lady in the shop was polite and friendly. After I looked around and finally set my heart on cute notebooks for Kukka's friends and a gorgeous handbag for Mom, it was time to bargain. The bargaining was quite tough because of the language. It was hilarious too. The three of us, the shop lady, Dewi and me used everything to be able to communicate with each other. English, Bahasa Indonesia, Bahasa Sunda, Bahasa Jawa, Vietnamese, Google Translator, fingers, hand gestures, drawings, calculator... :)))) At the end, the young lady gave up :))) I got everything I wanted and didn't have to spend too much. At least not as much as if I went to other souvenir shops. Finally my heart was at ease so I decided to go back to the hotel. After all... The next day would be Ha Long Bay. I needed all the energy I could have. I even ordered room service for dinner so I wouldn't have to move my butt :))

Day 3, August 14th
While the girls were getting ready to impress everybody with their presentation, my destination was Ha Long Bay. Ah yes... The second you hear that name you'll be thinking of this beautiful place ALLAH has created. To be honest I was a bit worried because I did read here and there that Ha Long Bay now is not as beautiful as it used to be. That there's a lot trash in the water etc. But... When I got there........ WOW. I said good luck and goodbye to Kukka and Cloudine then I got into a luxury bus from Buffalo Tours with Dewi. The bus was full of tourists #DUH. Mostly old couples. The guide's name was... Well... I only remember his english name: Ben. Ben's english is very good. Very understandable :) He's funny too. Ben explained almost every historical building we passed by. The first stop was the pearl farm on the way to the harbour. Ha Long Pearl. OH. MY. GOD. The pearls....... EXQUISITE!!!!! I really wanted them all!!!! Even the smallest one caught my eyes but of course they're very expensive. Even the tiniest earrings cost about... Oh nevermind :)) And so the journey continued. Next destination was the harbour. We got into a cruise ship, one of Genesis Cruise. I recommend it. Worth every penny. Seriously. Anyways... Our cruise stopped at Hang Luón or Luon Cave and it was time for kayaking. Yes. :)) At first I hesitated because it was a medium-sized kayak (10 adults) but then I thought "I'M HERE!!! MAKE EVERY MINUTE COUNT!". I got in with Dewi and 7 other passengers from the Genesis Cruise and 1 kayaker. We caused quite a ruckus when we got into the kayak. It turned out it wasn't that easy!!! The kayak kept swaying left and right everytime a passenger stepped it. And all of us screamed like it was the end of the world :)) Ben said some passengers did fall down into the water and that story certainly didn't make us feel any better :)) Then we all finally sat down and the kayak moved slowly. All of us listened to Ben carefully and enjoyed the breathtaking view. The kayak moved in to Surprise Cave. When we were in the cave I wondered how it would be like to spend the night inside :D Then we passed by The Monkey Island. It was beautiful AND funny. Why? Well... First of all it's beautiful because the island itself is full of lush trees in the middle of serene water. It's stunning. Aaaaaand theeeen... The monkeys! They were just...there. Minding their own business. I saw a mother with her baby. Then there were these 2 monkeys hanging from the trees. The funniest part of it was the fact that it felt more like they're the one who are watching us. Not the other way around :)) It's like "Oh hey! Humans!!! Aaaawww..." :))) 

Next was Ti Top Island where you can climb on 400 stairs and if you get to the top of the island you can get the best view down into Ha Long Bay. You CAN. Me? I COULDN'T :)) I caused quite a ruckus here. Before we got out of the cruise Ben already warned us about the 400 stairs that we have to climb to get up. He also reminded us about the heat. So if you think you couldn't make it, just stay in the cruise, enjoy the cold drink and wait for us, he said. Dewi reminded me to think it through. I felt...challenged? I said again and again that I could make it. I would just walk slowly and take my time, I said. Dewi gave up. I think not only she was worried that something might happen to me, but also IF something happened, she would be the one who is responsible for it :)) So yeah... I joined the others and took about 5 steps on the steep stairs. Did I tell you that the weather was very very hot??? Yeah... Okay. 5 stairs more or less. Then I started to shiver. My eyes were blurry and my hands were shaking. Still I thought I could make it. But then my sane self warned me something like "Hey you! If you keep doing this and somewhere in the middle of these steep stairs you get a seizure... You are a danger to other people. You fall down, the person behind you will be next and so on. There are old people here. Think about them" ................. I gave up. I told Dewi I would wait for her in the ship. As if walking back down the stairs didn't already cause a lot of trouble... Our cruise ship already got off the dock because it would be harbouring on the other side of the island!!! It took Ben, the people on the harbour, a very loud speaker and the people on the cruise to come back just to pick me up. Sorry guys... :D Oh yes! Did I already say that IT WAS VERY VERY HOT?????? :D When I got back in the cruise ship the first thing the crew did was giving me a wet towel :D GOD! At that moment all I could think about was the bathtub back at the hotel. But the experience was totally worth every drop of sweat. So while Dewi and the rest of the gang were "fried" outside, some old couples and I were enjoying cold drinks and leaning on comfortable seats. I don't know how long it took until they came back looking like they just got beaten up by sunrays LOL!!! Dewi kept saying that it was the best decision for me to go back to the ship. By the way the most annoying part of this whole trip was the lack of communication I had with Kukka. Although I already connected to the local operator, the signal was bad. All the time I was having fun I also couldn't stop thinking about my baby back in the city. After all... Today was Judging Day....  

And theeeeen finally at 16:05 I received the news from Ibu Sofie - Skaci. "Alhamdulillah dapat SILVER". WOW!!! I was sooooo surprised and obviously proud! I mean... The fact that Kukka was chosen to be one of the kids who represent Indonesia in this event was already a big prize itself. I didn't expect her and Cloudine to win an award. Not to mention Silver!!! Ibu Sofie called and I spoke with Kukka on then phone. She sounded very happy and I think the first thing she asked me was "Are you proud of me?" My precious Godsend :* I couldn't wait to go back to the hotel and shower my baby with kisses. After taking a long bath of course :D So yeah... When Dewi and I finally got back to the hotel, my baby came to my room. I hugged and kissed her like crazy! And of course. The most important part of this winning thing was the fact that if she won any prizes, her beloved Bapa would buy her Robux -_- She reminded me again and again about this. #SIGH 

Anyways since it was the last night in Hanoi, I decided to get an extra bed for Dewi and pushed the twin beds together so that Kukka could sleep with me. While I decided to stay in the room and rest, Dewi asked for permission to go out. She said "Kapan lagi Buu..." :)) I think she came back around 11pm. We flew back to Jakarta the next day and alhamdulillah we arrived at home safe and sound. Healthy and happy :) 

Dear Kukka: HAPPY ELEVENTH BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Eleven years ago an angel came down to brighten our life up.

Beautiful, caring, funny, mischievous and smart.

All lightness that can make the gloomiest heart instantly bright.

Along with a pack of toughness to make everything just right.

Her curiousity turns every day an adventure.

Lots of questions about this and that.

Loads of opinions about who, why, when, where and what.

One thing is certain because it has always been there and will forever stay.

It's our endless love for this blossoming flower.

Our precious Godsend.

Our Kukka Aiko Farza.

Dear Kukka: Live It Loud!

CONGRATULATIONS!

Today you're officially one of Sekolah Alam Tangerang's 6th graders! One of the big kids. 5th grade was quite a ride. It surely did have its ups and downs. Now Bapa and Bubu are looking forward to join the ride with you on the last grade of elementary school. Am I worried? To tell you the truth, yes :)) But I have faith in you. As long as you keep your promise not to be lazy, pay attention and ... Well just read this post again! Dear Kukka: Please Learn Your Lesson. You know what things I want to say. Bapa will probably add some more later. In private.

Anyways, being a 6th grader (and tomorrow 11 years old tween, In shã Allãh!!) will have its differences, more or less. Surely you will have more responsibilities, from - at school, surrounding and home. This might sound cliché but just be the best of yourself and show it to everybody that you do enjoy the ride! Ask questions when you have doubts and confusions. Share your happiness and help others who need it. Have lots of friends inside and outside the school and do spend time with them. Be nice and always be polite to your teachers. Be brave and don't be scared to be different. Live the life you're excited about. Have goals and try your best to reach them. 

And baby, remember this. Most importantly you always have me. To get some answers, to share your feelings, to show your excitements or just to be with. No words needed. Ich liebe Dich, Mein Ein und Alles. Good luck and have fun! 

Dear Kukka: Please Learn Your Lesson

You did it again. And like I said. I'm not mad. I'm not angry. But I am sad and I am disappointed. Because again, whenever it's about school, you forget. Homeworks. Tasks. Projects. Stuff to bring. Almost anything! And yesterday on Feb 7th you forgot that it was Thursday, which means you have to wear batik to school. But you didn't. Why not? Because YOU FORGOT. #bigsigh This is certainly not the first time that you forget. It happens more and more eversince I've stopped preparing your things for school. SiBapa reminded me that you ARE 10 years old now. You have to prepare everything by yourself. And if you do make a mistake, there'll be consequences.

Well you do know that your school is quite tough. There's a deal between the teachers and the students: whoever forget to bring something to school, he/she has to go home by him/herself to get it and goes back to school. And this school means business. You guys have to go home by yourself using a public transportation. Yup. An angkot. I had a conversation once with Bunda Uli that in your case this is impossible for a lot of reasons. So we made a new deal especially for you: do everybody's dishes after lunch. BUT there's another problem :)) You had a bike accident 3 days ago which left some pretty nasty wounds on your hand, arm and knee. The wounds have to be clean and dry which meeeeeans you can't do the dishes!!! Oh man! :))

After a conversation with Bunda Uli and SiBapa's advice, we came up with a solution: you have to go home, get the stuff you supposed to bring to school and go back to school USING AN ANGKOT! Obviously with a chaperone, who is no better than Mba Dewi :) Long story short you had a new experience. Mba Dewi told me that from school to our house you had to change angkot 3 times! You were lucky because none of the angkot was full. Mba Dewi also said that it looked like you enjoyed the ride in some ways :)) You even fell asleep on her lap! You were lucky, kiddo! When I was in school I had to sit next to tukang sayur, crying babies, or people with smelly armpits or body odors! And many times also with some chickens sitting right in front of me! I reminded Mba Dewi to let you count for the fare and give the money to the driver by yourself. Lucky me Mba Dewi recorded the whole thing. I had to laugh when you said "Terima kasih." and waved goodbye to the driver :))

Anyways, this is the consequence that Bunda Uli gave to you because of your lack of attention. That's not all. I expect you to write about your angkot ride experience in BAHASA INDONESIA. I want you to write how much the fare you've spent for you and Mba Dewi, what you saw all the way from here to there, how you felt, what you were thinking when you were in the angkot, basically about anything. AND...it has to be finished by the end of this week. I will double-check it to Mba Dewi. If there's any mistake or lack of information caused by your inattention, there will be some kind of...punishment. You also have pay back the angkot fare to me: yours and Mba Dewi's. Oh wait! You already paid back to Mba Dewi using your savings yesterday before she went home! Good girl :) You see, baby... From this experience I want you to pay better attention, to take good care of your stuff, to remember what you have to bring to school, and you can't always rely on your parents, Mba Dewi or Mas Ari to drive all the way to school just to bring the things you forget!!! 

Mein Schatz, you said yesterday's angkot ride was: "It's kinda nice... I prefer Mas Ari better though." :)) I expect you to understand WHY Bapa and I did this. There's a lot of valuable lessons that I want you to remember. I want you to know that there are many kids who have to ride public transportations or even walk every single day to get around! I want you to realize how lavish your life is. Whenever you want to go somewhere all you have to do is ask your parents, sit inside a very comfortable car: cool AC, pillow and favorite music included, no need to think how to pay for the ride, then without you know it, you've reached your destination. Meanwhile there are kids out there who can only DREAM to sit in a car and enjoy the ride like you have EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

So yeah... That's about it. I hope you've learned your lesson well. I love you, Baiyi :*

Why I Don't Tell Kukka That She's Pretty (Very Often)

And even if I do, I always tell her only after I say prayers in her ears. That she will grow up to be a shalihah woman, healthy, smart, generous, and more. Last I say to Kukka that I hope she will grow up to be a beautiful woman, inside and outside. Usually I say it to her in Sundanese, more or less like this: 

"Sing shalihah ya neeeeeng! Sing pinter, sehat cantik lahir batin yaaaa!" 

I do this every day, almost every time whenever I have the chance.. Why? Because I believe in a mother's prayers for her child. And then I would shower Kukka with kisses until she becomes majorly annoyed and runs away :)) It gets harder by the day though. Since she's becoming bigger, stronger, taller and already has that preteen attitude. Yeah... Kukka already considers my hugs and kisses are bothering.

So... Why don't I tell Kukka that she's pretty very often? Well... First of all I don't want her to grow up to be the kind of woman who thinks that she's so pretty and then behave like a pompous bitch. In Bahasa Indonesia we say it "Sok kecakepan". :)) I also don't want Kukka to think that appearance is everything. I do remind her to take good care of herself, like physically. I always remind her to brush her teeth really well so her mouth won't smell. I remind Kukka to take a shower every day. While having our girls talk, I (still) brush Kukka's hair before bed. I said it'll make her hair healthy and shiny. But I always tell Kukka that being kind and polite will make her even more beautiful.

Lots of my friends or even strangers say to me that I have a beautiful daughter. I just smile and say thank you. Am I proud? Well of course! What kind of mother would I be if I'm not proud to have a pretty daughter?!? The most recent comment about Kukka is from the school. Ever since Kukka got into Sekolah Alam Tangerang she gets teased a lot by the boys. Especially the 6th graders. Kukka doesn't like it. She hates it so much she even gets into fights with them. Hitting the boys with a broom until it broke, coming home crying, looking angry with red puffy eyes. I asked the school what happened. One of their explanations was because Kukka is a new student and she's pretty. So she's an "easy target". The It Girl :)) When the teachers told me and SiBapa, we didn't say anything. We just kept listening to the teacher. I did take a glimpse at SiBapa's face. It was flat. No proud smile or any kind. I smiled and even laughed a bit. In my heart. Not because of the teacher's story. It's because of SiBapa's face! FYI SiBapa is not the kind of person who easily gives praises. Not even to his only daughter. And in this special case I know why. We have the same reasons. And maybe he has more.

Being ungenerous with praises does has its own price though. Especially now that she's in her preteen age, Kukka is becoming even more sensitive and moody. Many times, like out of nowhere, she would come to me and asks "Bubu, do you think I'm pretty?" or "Bubu, do I look beautiful wearing this?" or "Bubu, how do I look? Do I look cute?". Again. I would answer her questions with hugs and kisses and I-love-yous. Sometimes it makes me kind of sad and feel guilty. But again, I answer her questions with prayers, encouragements, hugs and kisses. Aaaaand of course like always, there's a lot of I-love-yous involved :)

I've personally seen and heard stories what lack of love and compassion, physically and verbally, can do to a child. Kukka is my everything. She is Mein Ein und Alles. She is my Precious Godsend. I would take a bullet for her. But again, everything doesn't mean spoiling her like crazy with physical praises and giving her every single thing that she wants. Maybe one day Kukka will blame me for being stingy of praises like this. But one thing for sure, as she gets maturer and smarter, Kukka will be grateful that she has tough parents. Not exactly the best. But SiBapa and SiBubu are pretty...okay? Right, baby girl? :)    

Dear Kukka: Congratulations!

I'm sorry for posting this story waaaaaay too late! Now let's just see if I still can remember what happened on that day. What day? THE DAY WHEN YOU OFFICIALLY EARNED YOUR OWN MONEY! And I was right there beside you :*

It was on August 25th and it started with Oom Popong, my friend, who contacted me & asked whether you & I were willing to be in his upcoming project. It was not my thing but you were totally up to it. Especially when you found out that you were going to get paid!!! :))) The fact that you had to talk in front of the camera didn't freak you out. After all, it wasn't your first time. You were interviewed by Metro TV once: 

   

Belajar Dari Yang Kecil (3) 

-click link- 

It seemed that you also had a good time with Oom Popong. Although just like any other shooting (Been there, done that!), it was tiring!!! We were at the location early in morning but got interviewed hours later. My memory about the whole thing is already blurry. But I do remember that you were very cheerful, totally cool about being on set with lots of people and... Talkative like always? :) Too bad I still couldn't get the video of you from Oom Popong but I did manage to get some pictures when you were being interviewed.

"I felt confident and happy when I was being interviewed by Om Popong. And it was really fun. He asked me a lot of questions about how old I am, and what I did at school. And I answered him with positive answers. I remember too that we had a photosession with you (Bubu). He also asked me about you. About what you do everytime when I'm with you." 

-Kukka-

Well that's my precious godsend :) Very confident. As for me, I do remember I was very nervous and couldn't give a lot of answers. Thank god I didn't get any seizures because of it :))) Contrary to some opinions about me, talking in front of public certainly is not... Me :))) I guess you got those particular positive traits from SiBapa, eh?! :p So what's next on your agenda? Acting in SiBapa's commercials? :)