What is success?

A couple days ago I had a long talk with an old friend. We talked about our lives, before - now and then. About dreams, goals, achievements and...other stuff. Eventually the conversation lead to the magic word: success. What does it take so people will see you as a successful person? 

Does it involve a big well-paid job? Becoming an accomplished businessman/woman? Company owner? Celebrity? Charity worker? Start-ups owner? Instagram influencer or Youtuber with millions subscribers? Or looking at the current "trend": becoming a highly religious person? I bet most of you will say yes. Those are considered the successful ones. The ones who have "meaningful" lives. What about you? You agree?

Meanwhile way behind lots of closed doors in parts of the world, there are housewives who lay their heads low and bust their sweet asses off to take care of their hubsands, children, households and everything that comes with it. From the eyes of the "successful" ones, it doesn't seem much. Or even nothing! It's nothing to be proud of. What they have in their minds might be "What so special about being a housewife??? What's so difficult about it anyway! Especially if she has a maid! All she has to do is giving orders. Every woman can do it! I can do it!"

Can you? Really?

Can you deal with the pressure that if something is going wrong at home, then it's your fault? Unpaid bills, wrong choice of soap, untrimmed grass, out of stock cooking ingredients? Can you deal with the mean whispers that if your child grows up not as the big family expected she/he would be, then it's your mistake? Poor grades, lack of socializing, bad manners? The list still goes on and I haven't even mention anything about patience, strength, fortitude, acceptance, forgiveness, content, confidence? And don't forget in our circle something crucial belongs to the list: religious.

Oh come on! Lots of career women can and already achieved what you've put on those list, Farika! Oh really? I say: bullshit. Flaunt all those colorful accomplishments you said you've got. I don't buy it. Whether you like it or not, life is about making choices and nobody gets it all. Obviously there's nothing wrong by being a working mother. It's about knowing what you want in life. 

I've always knew I wanted to be a mother, specifically to a daughter. Those who are close to me probably still remember what I had to go through to become one, physically and mentally. Some even labeled me as a very tenacious person and a survivor. Well... I'd like to say I'm lucky. So when I've been finally blessed with what I've always wanted: why on earth I would "waste her away"???????

This month my beloved Godsend will turn 13. Time goes by so fast. Too fast! Kukka is already in junior high and "suddenly" she will move out from our house and has a life of her own. I would love to spend time with her as much as I can before that time comes. I would love to put her to bed and still have our girl talk. I'd die to be the one who she would trust to tell that she's in love for the first time or telling me what she wants to do with her life. I hope I will be the one who hug her when she's heartbroken. I would pray that God would give me more time so I can always be there for her. And when I do, that is what I would call a success. If Kukka does see me as her biggest part of her life, that would be my achievement, my success, my evidence that I have a meaningful life. 

But that's just me. What about you?

Just Another Manic Sunday

It's just another Sunday. I'm at home with my daughter & our kitty, doing our own things, & we are all healthy. What more can I ask for? 

Loud noises are starting to come from everywhere. Kids laughing & screaming. Cars & motorcycles. Right now I can hear the ambulance siren blaring loudly from outside the cluster. I hope it's nothing serious... Birds are chirping right outside the windows. Sometimes I wonder whether they are the same birds with the ones who always sing in the morning. I can hear Moochi snoring. He's taking a nap on the dining chair next to mine. That's his current favorite spot. In short, nothing is unusual. Someone once asked me if I ever get bored because it seems that what I do every day is always the same. My answer was: no. Because it true. Nothing is the same, really. 

Since this whole COVID-19 School-At-Home thing I'm at home 24/7 with our 12yo daughter. Sometimes I wish she'd go out with her dad more. But oh well... I think it should be them who solve it out. Not me 😋 I just hope SiBapa won't be too sad or disappointed or too late to realize that his daughter keeps on growing. Then just like that #FINGERSNAP The time when Kukka chooses friends over her parents will come #bigsigh Even now the things she does-says-asks-wonders-and others are already different. AND CHALLENGING! In shāʾ Allāh in 2 months Kukka will turn 13. An official TEENAGER. Oh god... I know this might sound cliché & boring but it's true. My baby girl doesn't have the mind of a typical (almost) teenager. The comments she gives. The questions she asks. The actions she makes. Lately I have this weird feeling that my daughter will be the one who teaches me about life. Not the other way around. Many times I even think that our daughter might be psychic 😂 Well... That's another blogpost to tell. 

Every weekdays I have 2 maids who work in our house from morning until late noon. They have totally different personalities but they get along quite well. Dewi & Yuli like to tell me stories about their lives, here in Jakarta & in their villages. What kind of traditional food they cooked with their mothers & grandmothers, what games they played when they were kids, what kind of troubles they've done. Sometimes, after a lot of "Maaf, Bu..." it is them who ask me questions. The range of questions can be from what is it about that I'm watching on CNN to what is the english word for- 😁 Yes. Dewi & Yuli are learning how to talk in english & it involves a lot of laughters. It was SiBapa's idea & both of them are enjoying it. Of course there are times when the maids are frustrated about it but I think they are grateful too. And then there are times who is ME who's wondering what on earth the maids are talking about. They talk in javanese & most of the times it includes lots of loud laughters. Dewi said one of the reasons why she gets along with Yuli is because they come from the same part of Java & both are the same age. So what they experience, from childhood to marriage life are pretty much the same. So you see? The maids are another reason why my day-to-day life is always different 😋

Taking my daily walk around the block is another story. To you it might sound boring but to me 30 minutes walk feels like a month of adventure. Because of my health walking around 3 houses can be tough & challenging 😅 But also fun! Our cluster is pretty big to walk around & there's lot of things to see. There's a basketball court where the boys shout, fight & play, usually with no sandals. Even now I'm still wondering how they do it. I mean doesn't it hurt their bare feet??? Then there are 2 playgrounds. Usually full of smaller kids with their mba/nannies who feed them milk & snacks, sometimes even very early dinner. Awkward part of my daily walk is when I meet the same person over & over again. Which means we (have to?) smile at each other or at least nod our head again & again 😝 There is though, 1 woman who always takes her daily walk at the same time & never says or even smiles at me whenever we cross each other. I think she takes her walk very seriously 😉 Me? I just enjoy it. Eventhough I walk quite fast I do take the time to "observe" other people's houses. You can tell a lot about a family from how the house look. And of course the kids. You can tell quite a few things about a family from how the kid behaves.

Healthwise is still a very big adventure. Not only for me but sadly also for the people around me. Especially my pretty girl, who I've mentioned above, spends every minute of her day with me. Although now Kukka can take very good care of her Bubu but still... I can see the worry in her eyes whenever I have the lightest seizure. 15 minutes ago I had to stop typing because I could feel a light seizure was...on the way. Which means second seizure of the day, 4th this week. I didn't want to make my baby worried but I also didn't want to get another chipped tooth or a bruised eye. So I laid down on our new super comfy sofa & just breath. Later I realized it was time for the pills... AND next month I have to see The Rocksy! Okay! That one will require a special blogpost 😆

So you see? I'm having 24/7 adventure every single day. Don't you agree? 😉

By Elly Risman: SUATU SAAT KITA AKAN MENINGGALKAN MEREKA. JANGAN MAINKAN SEMUA PERAN

Kita tidak pernah tahu, anak kita akan terlempar ke bagian bumi yang mana nanti, maka izinkanlah dia belajar menyelesaikan masalahnya sendiri. Jangan memainkan semua peran.

Ya jadi ibu.

Ya jadi koki.

Ya jadi tukang cuci.

Ya jadi ayah.

Ya jadi supir.

Ya jadi tukang ledeng.

Anda bukan anggota tim SAR! Anak anda tidak dalam keadaan bahaya. Tidak ada sinyal S.O.S! Jangan selalu memaksa untuk membantu dan memperbaiki semuanya.

#Anak mengeluh karena mainan puzzle-nya tidak bisa nyambung menjadi satu, "Sini...Ayah bantu!".

#Tutup botol minum sedikit susah dibuka, "Sini...Mama saja".

#Tali sepatu sulit diikat, "Sini...Ayah ikatkan".

#Kecipratan sedikit minyak, "Sudah sini, Mama aja yang masak".

Kapan anaknya bisa?

Kalau bala bantuan muncul tanpa adanya bencana, apa yang terjadi ketika bencana benar2 datang? Berikan anak2 kesempatan untuk menemukan solusi mereka sendiri.

Kemampuan menangani stress, menyelesaikan masalah, dan mencari solusi, merupakan keterampilan/skill yang wajib dimiliki. Dan skill ini harus dilatih untuk bisa terampil. Skill ini tidak akan muncul begitu saja hanya dengan simsalabim! Kemampuan menyelesaikan masalah dan bertahan dalam kesulitan tanpa menyerah bisa berdampak sampai puluhan tahun ke depan.

Bukan saja bisa membuat seseorang lulus sekolah tinggi, tapi juga lulus melewati ujian badai pernikahan dan kehidupannya kelak. Tampaknya sepele sekarang... Secara apalah salahnya kita bantu anak? Tapi jika Anda segera bergegas menyelamatkannya dari segala kesulitan, dia akan menjadi ringkih dan mudah layu.

Sakit sedikit, mengeluh. Berantem sedikit, minta cerai. Masalah sedikit, jadi gila. Jika Anda menghabiskan banyak waktu, perhatian, dan uang untuk IQ nya, maka habiskan pula hal yang sama untuk AQ nya.

AQ? Apa itu?

ADVERSITY QUOTIENT

Menurut Paul G. Stoltz, AQ adalah kecerdasan menghadapi kesulitan atau hambatan dan kemampuan bertahan dalam berbagai kesulitan hidup dan tantangan yang dialami.

Bukankah kecerdasan ini lebih penting daripada IQ, untuk menghadapi masalah sehari-hari? Perasaan mampu melewati ujian itu luar biasa nikmatnya. Bisa menyelesaikan masalah, mulai dari hal yang sederhana sampai yang sulit, membuat diri semakin percaya bahwa meminta tolong hanya dilakukan ketika kita benar2 tidak sanggup lagi.

So, izinkanlah anak Anda melewati kesulitan hidup...

Tidak masalah anak mengalami sedikit luka, sedikit menangis, sedikit kecewa, sedikit telat, dan sedikit kehujanan. Tahan lidah, tangan dan hati dari memberikan bantuan. Ajari mereka menangani frustrasi. Kalau anda selalu jadi ibu peri atau guardian angel, apa yang terjadi jika anda tidak bernafas lagi esok hari?

Bisa2 anak Anda ikut mati.

Sulit memang untuk tidak mengintervensi ketika melihat anak sendiri susah, sakit dan sedih. Apalagi menjadi orangtua, insting pertama adalah melindungi. Jadi melatih AQ ini adalah ujian kita sendiri juga sebagai orangtua.

Tapi sadarilah, hidup tidaklah mudah. Masalah akan selalu ada. Dan mereka harus bisa bertahan. Melewati hujan, badai, dan kesulitan, yang kadang tidak bisa dihindari.

_Selamat berjuang untuk mencetak pribadi yg kokoh dan mandiri_

I copy-pasted this article and I say: AMEN TO THIS!!!

Parenthood

Probably one of the most complicated things in life. As a mother. As a father. You can't be too hard on your child nor too easy. If you want a perfect child you have to do it just right. Which is obviously impossible. Especially when you're raising your child together with your spouse #Duh Well you know what I mean, right?! Both of you are involved, commited? When it comes to parenting, there will be tons of stuff both of you would disagree with each other. Especially if one of the parents still sees/considers the child as a baby 😅

You think letting your child go biking on a rainy day is bad. Your spouse think it will make her body stronger. The father teaches the child to be polite. The mother tells to just brush other people off. And the list goes on. What most of us as parents often forget is that a child also learns from what she sees and listens. As simple as that. You want your child to be polite. Yet never once you say "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry.". You want your child to be honest. Yet you lie on daily basis. You want your child to be nice. Yet you raise your voice and blame others. You want your child to love you. But first, when was the last time you say "I love you" and mean it?

From the matters you are thinking to the actions you are making to the words you are saying. Your children listen and store everything deep inside their brains. Later on there are possibilities: 1. They will become exactly like you. 2. They will and want to become much better person than you. 3. They will become the person you despise or worse. Maybe there's more. Just leave your comment below. And later on your child will either love you or hate you for it. Some might even need lifetime therapy. 

I personally consider myself to be a very lucky person. I've been raised in a very loving family. I'm sure I've talked about my Mom and Dad, my big sister and big brother like A LOT! 😝 Why? Well... It's because I respect and love them and I love saying and showing it again and again and again. There are some...complications on my side of life story. But the amount of love I've received these past 44 years from my loved ones has been overwhelming, some might be unnecessary or even annoying. I'm sure that's how Kukka feels about her Bubu nowadays 😋 The best part now that she's almost a teenager is how Kukka and I can open up about lots of things. Some even adult stuff 😉 SiBapa also plays his role as a father. Whenever this cute father-daughter couple spend time together they leave SiBubu alone at home.

Anyway... My Precious Godsend and me? We pour our hearts out, share our secrets, what-ifs, fears and regrets. I share my feelings to my girl so we can understand each other better. I advice my daughter not to make the same mistakes I've made. I show my girl how to be strong and patient in the middle of a storm. In short, I try my best to be a good person, for me and her. Because, hopefully, there's a long life ahead of us which we will go through together. As mother and daughter.

And so the parenthood adventure continues. 

Dear Kukka: Live It Loud!

CONGRATULATIONS!

Today you're officially one of Sekolah Alam Tangerang's 6th graders! One of the big kids. 5th grade was quite a ride. It surely did have its ups and downs. Now Bapa and Bubu are looking forward to join the ride with you on the last grade of elementary school. Am I worried? To tell you the truth, yes :)) But I have faith in you. As long as you keep your promise not to be lazy, pay attention and ... Well just read this post again! Dear Kukka: Please Learn Your Lesson. You know what things I want to say. Bapa will probably add some more later. In private.

Anyways, being a 6th grader (and tomorrow 11 years old tween, In shã Allãh!!) will have its differences, more or less. Surely you will have more responsibilities, from - at school, surrounding and home. This might sound cliché but just be the best of yourself and show it to everybody that you do enjoy the ride! Ask questions when you have doubts and confusions. Share your happiness and help others who need it. Have lots of friends inside and outside the school and do spend time with them. Be nice and always be polite to your teachers. Be brave and don't be scared to be different. Live the life you're excited about. Have goals and try your best to reach them. 

And baby, remember this. Most importantly you always have me. To get some answers, to share your feelings, to show your excitements or just to be with. No words needed. Ich liebe Dich, Mein Ein und Alles. Good luck and have fun! 

Why I Don't Tell Kukka That She's Pretty (Very Often)

And even if I do, I always tell her only after I say prayers in her ears. That she will grow up to be a shalihah woman, healthy, smart, generous, and more. Last I say to Kukka that I hope she will grow up to be a beautiful woman, inside and outside. Usually I say it to her in Sundanese, more or less like this: 

"Sing shalihah ya neeeeeng! Sing pinter, sehat cantik lahir batin yaaaa!" 

I do this every day, almost every time whenever I have the chance.. Why? Because I believe in a mother's prayers for her child. And then I would shower Kukka with kisses until she becomes majorly annoyed and runs away :)) It gets harder by the day though. Since she's becoming bigger, stronger, taller and already has that preteen attitude. Yeah... Kukka already considers my hugs and kisses are bothering.

So... Why don't I tell Kukka that she's pretty very often? Well... First of all I don't want her to grow up to be the kind of woman who thinks that she's so pretty and then behave like a pompous bitch. In Bahasa Indonesia we say it "Sok kecakepan". :)) I also don't want Kukka to think that appearance is everything. I do remind her to take good care of herself, like physically. I always remind her to brush her teeth really well so her mouth won't smell. I remind Kukka to take a shower every day. While having our girls talk, I (still) brush Kukka's hair before bed. I said it'll make her hair healthy and shiny. But I always tell Kukka that being kind and polite will make her even more beautiful.

Lots of my friends or even strangers say to me that I have a beautiful daughter. I just smile and say thank you. Am I proud? Well of course! What kind of mother would I be if I'm not proud to have a pretty daughter?!? The most recent comment about Kukka is from the school. Ever since Kukka got into Sekolah Alam Tangerang she gets teased a lot by the boys. Especially the 6th graders. Kukka doesn't like it. She hates it so much she even gets into fights with them. Hitting the boys with a broom until it broke, coming home crying, looking angry with red puffy eyes. I asked the school what happened. One of their explanations was because Kukka is a new student and she's pretty. So she's an "easy target". The It Girl :)) When the teachers told me and SiBapa, we didn't say anything. We just kept listening to the teacher. I did take a glimpse at SiBapa's face. It was flat. No proud smile or any kind. I smiled and even laughed a bit. In my heart. Not because of the teacher's story. It's because of SiBapa's face! FYI SiBapa is not the kind of person who easily gives praises. Not even to his only daughter. And in this special case I know why. We have the same reasons. And maybe he has more.

Being ungenerous with praises does has its own price though. Especially now that she's in her preteen age, Kukka is becoming even more sensitive and moody. Many times, like out of nowhere, she would come to me and asks "Bubu, do you think I'm pretty?" or "Bubu, do I look beautiful wearing this?" or "Bubu, how do I look? Do I look cute?". Again. I would answer her questions with hugs and kisses and I-love-yous. Sometimes it makes me kind of sad and feel guilty. But again, I answer her questions with prayers, encouragements, hugs and kisses. Aaaaand of course like always, there's a lot of I-love-yous involved :)

I've personally seen and heard stories what lack of love and compassion, physically and verbally, can do to a child. Kukka is my everything. She is Mein Ein und Alles. She is my Precious Godsend. I would take a bullet for her. But again, everything doesn't mean spoiling her like crazy with physical praises and giving her every single thing that she wants. Maybe one day Kukka will blame me for being stingy of praises like this. But one thing for sure, as she gets maturer and smarter, Kukka will be grateful that she has tough parents. Not exactly the best. But SiBapa and SiBubu are pretty...okay? Right, baby girl? :)    

Just Another Chapter In Being Parents

Let me take a deeeeeeeep loooooong breath, iiiiiin & out...........................................................................................................

Okay. I'm ready. So here's the story. The last couple of weeks have been stressful & very tough for the three of us: Hubster, Kukka & I. Why? Well... Some of you who know us (quite well) must notice (by now) that we are the kind of family who like to do things... Differently and mostly without any planning in advance :)) The latest unplanned "thing" is about Kukka's education. Which iiiiiiiiis: to move Kukka to another school. Yes. You read that right. Kukka doesn't go to Sekolah Cikal Cilandak anymore. The school she had been going since she was in Kindergarten (Junior & Reception Year). Why so sudden??? Right when Year 5 just started & there's only 1 year left? Well... There are lots of reasons. 

But if you ask Hubster why, his answer is simple & consistent: SiBapa wants his beloved baby girl to be happy & have fun :) He wants Kukka to enjoy her childhood & do things that she loves. Of course without neglecting the Must-Study subjects like...math :p Yes, Kukka. You still have to STUDY FRACTIONS EVERYDAY! Me? I totally agree with my husband. So after a long & well-thought-out discussions, we started to look for schools especially that are closer to home. It was very difficult. Especially because lots of schools don't accept new student anymore since the new semester has began. Kukka already missed 1-2 weeks of studying. Also there are many schools which don't accept new kids anymore because they already reached their quota. Fortunately though there were schools that still have seats & are able to accept Kukka as their new student. BUT of course, nothing is THAT simple. Kukka had to take some tests: english, math & Bahasa Indonesia. .............. Yeah :D It was totally predictable in which subject Kukka received a low score. Yes. Bahasa Indonesia. :D It's funny to think that at first Hubster & I were more worried about Kukka's math. That's why Hubster gave her a private "intensive math course" at home with the motto:

(MATEMATIKA MATEMATIAN - MATH TO DEATH)

As you probably can predict from the picture above, there were tears but also laughters during this course. Kukka said her beloved Bapa is better in math & explaining things than me but he is very scary :)) Oh yes girl! I bet lots of people who knows your dad will totally agree with you :))) But everything paid off. Kukka's math is getting better. Thanks to her beloved SiBapa. Meanwhile I am in charge in teaching Kukka Bahasa Indonesia. This is not easy for me because I'm never good in teaching. Hell in some cases I'm not even good in explaining simple stuff!! :)) And since I got sick, there are 3 languages that mixed together in my brain: Bahasa Indonesia, english & german. Sometimes even sundanese!!!! Many times I have to struggle to stick to 1 language while talking to other people. It's easy when I speak in Bahasa Indonesia AND english because most of my family & friends speak english too. But not many of them speak german! So it's easier for me to chat through apps than to talk face-to-face because I have the chance to look up in the german-english dictionary first! :)))

Now back to Kukka! 

Alhamdulillah after Kukka went through observations & trials at potential schools & SiBubu spending lots of sleepless nights, finally on Friday, July 27th, I received a message that Kukka is accepted in Sekolah Alam Tangerang. For you who don't know & curious about SAT, just click on the link. The second we got the message, Hubster & I were sooooo relieved & obviously grateful. Because unlike Kukka, who btw IS THE ONE who DIDN'T HAVE any school at that time, was totally cool about it -_- She was just like "Yeay! I got in Sekolah Alam!" and then back doing her own thing. Kids nowadays. Unbelievable. Well... Kukka was actually more worried about my condition rather than hers. She was worried because I was very stressed out & many times she saw my hands shaking uncontrollably. I even had diarrhea for days!!! :))

Aaaaaaaaand of course not long after I received the news that Kukka is accepted in SAT, other schools sent me messages too. Guess what? Kukka is accepted. Yup. Life likes to have fun with your...life!!! :))) First you're sooo stressed out that your kid might not get accepted in ANY school. The next second you're confused about how to write a polite & friendly Thank-You-But-No-Thanks note to decline others. But thankfully the other schools were nice & understanding. Thank you very much :)

Now here we are... The Ica Lawendatus. Ready for a new adventure. Because in SAT apparently the parents are expected to be very involved. Once a month, on a Sunday, parents have to come to school to know how their kids are doing. No excuses. This is going to be very interesting. Right Bapa??? :)))

As to you, my precious Godsend, congratulations! Have fun in learning at your new school & be a good girl :*

-Kukka ready for her first day of school at SAT- 

Dear Kukka: Happy 10th!

10 years ago I gave birth 

To the most beautiful human being I've ever seen
Never once in my life I knew that such thing was possible

Not even did I dare dream to happen
Not even once did I feel to deserve
That I would or ever could have the chance to be the mother 
Of the most precious and beautiful godsend 

Who changes my life, my views 
And forever takes most of the love I have in my soul 
Only for her and her alone

Happy 10th birthday my beloved Kukka... 

Being your mother is the greatest gift I’ve ever received
Giving you the most sincere prayers a mother ever could
And protecting you from any harm, inside and out
Would be the best things I can and will ever give you back 
As long as I live

 And I thank ALLAH SWT for this once in a lifetime chance 

I love you

Being Bubu

Lately I've been thinking about parenting styles. Eversince I wanted I child I promised myself to be a good mother. An ideal one to be precise. You know... The kind who never scold & yell but give encouragements instead. The kind who is not spoiling the child by giving her everything that she wants. The kind who will only give the child the things that she deserves. The kind who makes a list of must-dos & must-don'ts & make damn sure that the kid follows them all. You know... A too-good-to-be-true kind of mother. For example... I want Kukka to know that if she makes a mistake, she has to realize it & apologize. I don't want to be the kind of mother who thinks that her child is always right. That if something is wrong, it must be the other's side's fault. Or even worse, I don't want my child to realize that she makes a mistake & doesn't even WANT to apologize. But of course there's no such thing as an ideal parent.

The older Kukka gets, the more I realize how hard being a mother can be. Sure. Most of the times we get along very well. For example Hubster & I always make sure that Kukka greets everybody & says thank you. Like every morning when Kukka meets our housecrew she would say "Selamat pagi Mba Dewi. Selamat pagi Mas Ari." She also says "Tolong" & "Terima kasih". Alhamdulillah she does all those things just like we taught her to do. Kukka almost always asks for permission. Even if it's just whether she's allowed to eat Nutella sandwich or drink milk between meal times. Or if she's allowed to hear music while doing her homework. Kukka goes to bed at 8pm, accompanied by me until 10pm with the lights off. If it's passed 10pm & Kukka is still jumping around, I leave her to sleep by herself. She doesn't whine or worse, cry. Sometimes Kukka just asks whether she's allowed to turn the lights on or not. After she finishes her meal, Kukka cleans up our dining table & picks up the scattered food on the floor. Before putting the dirty dishes on the sink, she throws the left-over in the trash bin outside.

Kukka loves to ask questions & I try to answer them...age-appropriately. If I don't have the answer, I ask Kukka to give me some time to find out. We share lots of stories before bedtime like my mom & I used to do. Kukka's idea of bedtime stories are about my childhood and lately it becomes more like a Q&A session. It can be about anything. Starting from love like my ex boyfriends or how I met her beloved Bapa to "Bubu, have you ever wondered why some things are satisfying & some don't?".  Or "Bubu, what happens if Donald Trump & Hitler teamed up?". Kukka is also curious about religion. One time she asked me if it's true that there's absolutely nothing that can kill ALLAH SWT. So yeah...  Parenting is difficult & I'm trying to be the best kind of mother that Kukka deserves. 

But of course now that she's getting older, things are getting tougher. Especially when it involves school stuff. Good god! I think 80% there are yelling, screaming even tears involve when it comes to homeworks! "I don't know." & "I don't remember." Everytime I hear those sentences I feel like pulling out my hair! One time things got very dramatic, Kukka cried & screamed "You don't love me anymore!!!" I must admit it was a pretty dilemmatic situation. I wanted to cry but also laughed my butt off when I heard Kukka said that. I mean... Seriously?????? :))) Anyways, as for punishment, the worse I can give to Kukka is no game time. This is like the end of the world for Kukka. One time she said "I'm sitting in sadness." I think it was because she wasn't allowed to play game before she does her Kumon sheets & Bahasa Indonesia. Yes. I can be tough like that. Meanwhile her Bapa can ruin everything by bending the rules. That's why lately Kukka loves to go out with Bapa even when he's actually working.

I don't know about you, other mothers. But lately I feel like I'm the bad guy here. I'm the one who say NO. I'm the one who say it's bathtime, it's bedtime, it's homework time, it's no-tv time, it's Kumon time, it's Bahasa Indonesia time. I'm the one who is not fun. I'm the one who want only the best for my baby.

Yeah. I am the mother. :) 

Dear Kukka: Give Me (More) Time

First I would like to thank you for making me laugh like crazy today. You said something that made me laugh so hard I had tears all over my face. I really couldn't stop! Not until I saw your expression started to change. I noticed that you looked... Sad if not upset. And fortunately just like that I remember when you told me that you didn't like it if somebody is laughing at you. Especially whenever you talk in Bahasa Indonesia. But wait! That's another story. Let me write about what just happened in the car this afternoon. 

When you were still in Kumon class I was checking your twitter account and I saw something funny posted by Majalah Bobo. I told myself "I'm gonna show this to Kukka!" and I did. But unfortunately I didn't get the reaction I was expecting. Seconds after I showed you the tweet, instead of commenting about it, you cringed and complained with a serious yet still very cute face: "I don't want to follow BOBO!" I was... I mean... I thought... I was like... My eyes got bigger, my mouth was opened wide and then I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. I laughed sooo hard and soooo long! I really couldn't stop!!! By the time I managed to stop I asked you why you didn't want to follow Bobo. I told you that Bobo is a very nice magazine and that you can learn Bahasa Indonesia by reading it etc. Yet your expression didn't change and you kept saying "I don't want to follow Bobo!". After I managed to control myself, I opened your twitter account and unfollow Majalah Bobo right in front of you. Eventhough I am still in control of every social media account you have, I told you that I was sorry and that next time I will ask you first who you do want to follow. Anyways... Later on it got me thinking... I just realized (maybe for the gazzilionth times) that you, my baby girl, are not a baby anymore and I have to (learn to) accept it. Because you, obviously, don't want to be treated like one.

Now here I am, sitting on the dining chair, with my fingers on the keyboard and looking straight at you, my beautiful 9-going-on-10 year old girl. Today is the first day of fasting month and you spent the day without complaining. Well... You did mention that you could eat all the food on the table but no. Whining? A bit. But no. You didn't complain much. Now you're watching tv while having your all time favorite menu: spaghetti bolognese and broccoli. I can't help not to smile and feeling grateful. ALLAH SWT knows how much I love you, mein Schatz and I am very proud of you. That goes without saying. And it's quite difficult to accept the fact that now you prefer to watch some teenage-highschool serials instead of Pocoyo. That you really like to listen to adult songs on Mustang FM instead of watching Mickey-Minnie-Donald singing and dancing on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. And the questions you ask me? I mean the adult-related questions? Dear god... I just can't believe it :)) But I guess I just have to learn harder to be a mother of a 9yo girl. A good friend of mine who has an older child told me that I should be prepared. Because the time will come when you, my precious, angelic kid of mine soon CAN and WILL make me angry, insulted or sad on daily basis. Well actually the time IS already here, isn't it? :)) There's one "drama" that got stucked in my head. You screamed to my face "You don't love me anymore!" and me sobbing on the floor like a lonely old lady? What happened? I don't remember and I'm pretty sure it wasn't a matter of life and death :)) But yeah... It already happened. Good thing Bapa wasn't there huh?! If he was, both of us could be "scolded and grounded" :)))

So yes.. Kukka... As a normal human being with all my limitations, can you please give Bubu more time to accept, to understand and to learn how to be a mother to a super smart, sensitive, beautiful inside-and-out girl like you? Because to be honest it's not easy, you know... Before satisfying your curiousity, I have to google or ask around first. Before giving you some motherly advices, I have to think really careful and really hard. Because I only want to tell you the right things. I only want to give you the best ones. And to do that, I need time. Lots and lots and lots of time. Maybe for as long as I shall live. So again... Give Bubu more time. Please?

Ied Is Coming

Well what do you know… Fasting month is almost over. In 5 hours to be exact (now: 12:50 pm). So it means that tomorrow is Ied, inSha'Allah. The day when families gather together with extra excitement and love fills the air. Unfortunately it’s also the day when unfamiliar faces pop up in front of you and give you awkward hugs and kisses. For some, it’s also the day when you have to answer cringe-worthy questions or comments, such as “Kapan kawin? (When are you going to get married?)" or “Gemukan ya sekarang! (Gaining some weight, have you?)". For me personally, there’s more. No, I’m not talking about my illness. I’m not going to mention how everybody would ask and comment about it as if they really care. It’s about my precious godsend. 

Hubster and I have been blessed with a daughter who has a super cute face and nice features. Ever since she was still a bald baby, Kukka has been showered with compliments. Although she cried like there was no tomorrow :)) But still… Heads were turned, kisses were given and millions of “Aaaaw!"s were said. Heck! Kukka has fans!!! :)) Now the more she’s growing, the more compliments Kukka is getting. And I think Kukka is starting to realize it. Now you see… Here comes the ”problem”. I’ve always…dislike (read: hate) girls who think that they are sooo pretty! Those girls who are too much aware of themselves, especially of their looks. Actually it also goes for boys (or men!). The bottom line is I don’t like people who think that being good-looking make them better than anybody else. Ugh. No way! 

I don’t want my baby girl to grow up to be one of those kids! God forbid. That’s why ever since I could remember, I always give Kukka compliments for being a very caring and very kindhearted girl. Sometimes on her “insecure” days, Kukka would ask me whether I think she’s pretty or not. I have to admit that question makes me feel like I’m a bad and ungrateful mother. Maybe I should praise Kukka more about her looks… Maybe I should give Kukka more compliments everytime she’s all dressed-up whenever we will go out. That’s why lately I’ve been telling Kukka how pretty she looks with her new hairdo or I love the way she mix-and-matches her clothes. 

But afterwards, again and again and again, that along with those physical perks, I tell Kukka that most importantly ALLAH SWT has given her a beautiful heart and a very smart brain. And that is exactly why people love her. Not because she is pretty or because she’s slim and tall. I keep telling Kukka she has a lot of friends because she’s nice, polite and helpful. No matter how difficult she could be, if she does make a mistake, Kukka will apologize (or SiBubu will make her do it! :p). Whenever we come across people how have less, physically or emotionally, I tell Kukka how different our life could be. But look what ALLAH has given us! Good health, comfy home, lots of friends, and most importantly, great love for each other. At the end of the day, I remind Kukka how fortunate her life is and always remember to thank ALLAH for it. Usually after those kind of mother-daughter talk, Kukka will say “I know, Bubu - I understand, Bubu - Yes I will, Bubu.” And most importantly she will hug me tight and say “I love you, Bubu.”

And that, people, 

is how a mother wraps up her day perfectly and the fasting month blissfully. 

Insha'Allah :)

Dear Kukka: About Religion...

First of all I would like to thank you, baby girl... It's been a long time since my last post. I don't know why but I really didn't have the desire or ideas to write. Not that there wasn't anything interesting going on... I assure you there's a lot! Especially having you and SiBapa by my side :)) Anyways now that "itch" on my fingers and brain is back. Thanks to you. And there's this thing I want to write about.

I can't exactly recall when this all begins but lately you've been asking me a lot of questions about religion. It's quite...surprising because before that you've been asking me a lot about sex. Now? Still but not that much :) First I thought it's because now is fasting month. But then I keep thinking... No. You've been asking me about religion even before the fasting month began. I think it all started because you were so lazy to shalat :)) And once I found out that you were lying to me. You said you already did shalat but I knew for a fact that you hadn't. I warned you not to lie to me again because eventually I would find out (I saw your mukena was still on the same position as before). I told you again that even if I didn't know that you were lying to me, ALLAH SWT would know. You asked me how. I said "Because ALLAH knows about absolutely everything. Before you even have THE INTENTION to lie to me, ALLAH already knows. ALLAH gave you free will, a very smart brain and a very pure heart to make the right decisions. So it's all up to you. Are you going to get points for doing the right things or commit sins for lying and cheating. Your call." You were absolutely in awe :))) Then you asked me about heaven and hell. How heaven looks like and what happens to humans in hell :))))

So yeah... Since then the questions keep on coming. Some made me laugh into tears & some were too difficult to answer. I even asked you for the chance to google first :)) Especially when you ask me about the surahs I read in the Al Quran and the stories about the prophets. I don't know if I ever asked my mom those kind of questions when I was 8 years old. Too bad I can't remember all of your epic questions but some, fortunately I do. Like the ones you asked me in the car today. While laying down on my lap, looking tired and hungry but still with curious eyes, you asked me: "Bubu, why does ALLAH tell us to fast?". I tried to give you a simple explanation. You listened to my explanation and nodded. You also asked me about Hindu, Buddha, Catholic, Protestant, Jesus and "Why does that god look like an elephant?". And after you saw the pictures, you insisted that Hindu's god is a woman. After a while when I thought you were sleeping, you asked "Bubu, if every religion has different god, it means that there's a lot of gods, right? So which god should we believe in? How do you even know that Islam is the right religion?"

I was like... Oh, baby!!! Isn't it too early to ask me these kind of questions??? On an empty stomach too!!! :)) I could even see the big grin Mas Ari had from the rearview mirror! At that time all I could was hugging and kissing you. But after giving you a simple answer, I reminded you again (and again and again) that you could come to me and ask me about ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. That nothing is off limits between us. And if I don't have the answers yet, please give me time to think and to look for them. You said "Okay, Bubu. I love you. And I know that you love me too..." 

Yes, baby. Because that is what matters the most. And then we kissed and hugged...

Girl Talk

Okay. Let me breath in for a while. Inhale. Exhale. Okay. People, the time has come when my daughter likes to ask me lots of questions that involves “grown-up stuff”. Yup. My daughter is 8 years old and she has a very curious mind. Being a very, very smart girl that she is, just like her Opa, Aki, Bapa and Ua Eza, it’s actually a no-brainer that she has a lot of questions in that super mind of hers. You see... Lately Kukka and I have been having conversations which she called "our girl talk". It usually starts with "Bubu, I have a question. But don't tell anyone! This is just for you and me. Our girl talk." And then we shake hands. So, you see. The conversations are top secret :) What I can share to you is that my precious girl's questions are difficult ones. Difficult as in... Well... If you're a regular reader of my blog, you'd know that months ago I had to explain to Kukka about animals mating. It was...quite challenging. And hilarious! The convo occurred because of the “drama” that happened between Blob-Blob and Fluffy. Check out my previous posting if you want to know. 

Then there was this one night, during our usual bedtime convo, Kukka asked me questions that made my eyes got wide, my jaws dropped and finally... The questions made me laugh. Yes. I laughed so hard while hugging her. I must confess though. I was hugging Kukka because I was buying some time to figure out what and how to answer her questions. I was and still am not ready for this. I mean... Come on?!?!?!? 8 years old?? I thought I still have 10 more years to have that kind of conversation with her. But apparently not with kids nowadays. Especially with a very smart and super curious child like mine. Objectively speaking of course. #proudmother 

Now... Because of her challenging questions, whenever Kukka gives me a question that I can't answer (right away), I ask her to give me some time. Afterwards I'll be googling like crazy. I'll also ask my closest friends how to explain to Kukka the correct answer, in the most decent and age-appropriate way. Why? Because I don't want to be a parent who just gives an answer without even thinking how it would later impact my kid. The way Kukka thinks, how she behaves, how she treats other people and so on... I believe it depends on how my husband and I show, teach or explain things to her. Kids nowadays are way more curious. I should be grateful that Kukka comes to me and asks me personally whenever she needs/wants an answer or any kind of information. Many kids search for answers by themselves and lots of them are...misinformed. Why and how? Google and cellphones. Yup. I just found out that many kids are allowed to use cellphones...without adult supervision. And on school days too! Kukka? Weekends and holidays only. Youtube kids channels only on certain hours. Instagram: pictures edited and uploaded by SiBubu, messages/chatting read and personally replied by Kukka only on holidays and weekends. Obviously, EVERYTHING, EVERYDAY is under SiBubu's supervision. Strict? Maybe. But I think it's very important and necessary.

Anyways... I use this moment... This phase... As an opportunity to tell Kukka that she can come to me ANYTIME, to talk and to ask me about ANYTHING. Absolutely anything. No limits. That it’s better for her to come to me than to anybody else. And that there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. So does she? Come to me and ask me about stuff since then? Oooooooh you bet she does!!! :)))) Like what? Oh sorry, guys! TOP SECRET. But if I could give you some examples... Last night Kukka asked me what does *this* mean (*middle finger*) and what does the F word mean. I was shocked. Obviously. But I tried to calm down. Then like always, first I asked her where did she see/hear it. She didn't want to tell me (My daughter is not a rat/squeal. Noted.). She just answered "Somebody said it at school. Just somebody. Not to me. Don't worry, Bubu." Later on, after doing some very, very careful thinking and choosing the proper words, I explained it to Kukka. This is just one example. There are so many comments and questions from Kukka that I can't write them down here :) But one last thing that I can share to you is my feelings.

The feeling of being a very, very grateful person. The feeling of being a very, very proud mom. The feeling of being a very, very happy parent. For having the honor to be the mother of such a beautiful, smart and precious human being whom I can call:
 

"MY DAUGHTER".

Dear Kukka: Have fun!

So... I'm writing this after we finally got to talk over the phone, baby girl. For your information I've been waiting for that phone call since... Well... Since you got inside and sit on the bus this morning!

Yes, Kukka... I'm starting to miss and worry about you since the last time we waved goodbye to each other this morning. I still can picture your face on the bus window. I know you were excited to go camping with your friends and teachers. But somehow I also saw that sad-worry expression on your face. And your questions from last night? I remember them very well. Last night our pillow talk was more into QA session. You said "I'm so sad I'm going to leave you. What if you get a seizure and Bapa is not home yet? You're all alone at home..."

What have I done to deserve you? Such a loving and caring daughter. Maybe you can't understand this right now but someday... When you're older, when you have a family of your own, when you have children of your own, you'll understand. You will understand my feelings right now. They're all mixed up. I'm proud, I'm amazed, I'm happy and yes, I'm sad. I'm sad that you have to worry about me that much. I'm sad that you have to think about the bad "What if"s about me. I'm sad to see your worried face when you hugged me and said "Don't have a seizure!" before getting into the bus. I'm sad to hear your first question over the phone was "Are you okay, Bubu?" 

Alhamdulillah I've managed to assure you that I am okay. That you shouldn't worry about me. Yes, after dropping you off at school I did have a minor episode but I also took a very long and much needed nap. So now I am fine. Really! And you made me really happy when you finally started to tell me about your day so far. You said "I'm okay! I miss you too but I'm having so much fun! I'm catching animals and stuff! I catch worms, grasshoppers, fishes and stuff! I miss you, Bubu! Bye!"

3 minutes. Yes, the connection was bad but from your voice I could hear that you were not that interested in talking to me too long #LOL I totally understand, baby! I can't wait until tomorrow so I can shower you with hugs and kisses again until you say "Stop it, Bubu! Okay, that's enough!". I'm sure you have tons of fun right now and I'm so happy to know it. The latest photo I received is you and your friends were sitting by the bonfire, wearing raincoats and singing. So I guess it was...raining? And just now your teacher just informed the parents that you and your friends are already in your tents and ready to go to sleep. 

Well, good night, my precious Godsend... Sweet dreams. We'll see each other again tomorrow, okay? Kisses. 

 

Dear Kukka: Animals Don’t Get Married

Dear baby girl... First of all I want to say sorry for writing this story down and published it in my blog but... I just have to. Why? Because like always, whenever it comes to you and your questions are hilarious and cute. So I really want to write it down. So this is what just happened about 15 minutes ago:

You just came home from school and got out of the car. You hadn’t even went inside the house yet and gave me a hug. Why? Because you saw Blob-Blob and Fluffy The Stray Cats in our garden and you noticed them chasing each other. You were really worried. You were afraid that Blob-Blob might hurt Fluffy. So you kept following them and tried to separate them when they were fighting in front of our neighbor’s house. I could hear you from our living room how you scolded Blob-Blob for chasing and scratching Fluffy #LOL But then suddenly I heard you crying. First I thought you cried because Blob-Blob hurt Fluffy. Then I went to the porch and saw you running while holding out your finger.

“Bubuuuuuuuuuuuu! Fluffy scratched my finger!!!!”, you cried and screamed. I’m sorry, baby but yes. When I heard you said that, I couldn’t help not to laugh a bit and smiled a lot. Then when I was washing and taking care of your wounded finger, you told me how it happened.

Kukka: “Blob-Blob was chasing Fluffy and he was going to bite Fluffy on the neck. I said “No, Blob-Blob! Don’t hurt Fluffy! Be nice!” And then I was going to separate them but then Fluffy scratched meeeeee!”

This is when I couldn’t help NOT TO LAUGH. So while hugging you and blowing your wounded finger to make it feel better, I tried to explain why Blob-Blob did what he did to Fluffy. I said maybe they were mating. Mating, you asked. Woops. I just remember how much of a curious girl you are. So yeah... Now I had to explain to you what mating is. I explained to you that mating for animals is like.........marrying for humans? So Blob-Blob and Fluffy were trying to make...kittens. #LOL And then I could see your eyes getting wider and at that second I knew I would get more questions from you. Difficult ones. Yup. My problem. I should’ve wait for Bapa and let HIM explaining all of this to you! So yeah, then your questions and comments kept on coming. These are the ones that I still remember:

Kukka: "Blob-Blob can’t marry Fluffy!!! He already got married to Lulu! He can’t do that to Lulu!! Lulu is his wife! Blob-Blob should be nice to Lulu and not get married with other cats! That doesn’t make any sense! That’s not right! If Blob-Blob is married to Lulu then he’s not allowed to be with other cats! He has to be only with Lulu!!!!”

I’m sorry, baby. But seriously. Your comments made me laugh sooooo loud! I was laughing so hard I got tears in my eyes. Then I tried very hard to stop laughing because I could see it in your face that you weren’t amused. So after I succeeded to stop laughing and apologizing to you, I tried to tell you the possibilities of why Blob-Blob was “naughty” to Fluffy. Believe me, baby! I felt like a total fool when I was explaining this subject to you!!! But yeah, I did tell you that animals do not get married. They’re mating. They are not like us humans. Yes, when a man and a woman get married, they make a vow to ALLAH. So they have to be faithful to each other and not............get married with other man or woman. That’s why it’s called marriage. While animals, they are mating. Which means......they can change....partners. Which means it’s okay for Blob-Blob not to be faithful to Lulu. Oh god, I am laughing so hard right now in the living room as I’m typing these words!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Call me a foolish mother or whatever, but yes. Those were the words I’ve used when I tried to explain to you the difference between animals and humans, between marriage and mating. Hey, you didn’t give me time to google or whatever! So I did what I did. I said what I said. #LOL When Bapa comes home, ask him. He will give you a much better answer for sure. Anyways after that I could see that you were digesting my explanation and I knew you would comment about it. And yessir you sure did:

Kukka: “Oooooow okay! So if they’re animals it’s okay for a cat to be with other cat because they are not married. They are not husband and wife. But if humans, people, like us, like you and me and Bapa and other people, it’s not okay. Because it’s called marriage. ALLAH will be very angry if husband and wife did what Blob-Blob did to Lulu. Right, Bubu? Okay. Now I get it. But I still don’t understand why Blob-Blob did that to Fluffy. Because Fluffy is also a Blob-Blob's daughter. So he's mating with his daughter.”

WAKWAAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!!! Sorry, baby. I’ll be right back! #SiBubupassedout

Dear God: Thank YOU

For what? Oh... Nothing new, really. YOU know I'm currently lying down beside my Sleeping Beauty. My Godsend. My greatest gift from YOU. And yes. I am aware that YOU know everything (even before I do!!!) what I'm going to write here but I'm going to write it anyway. For YOU. 

My greatest love just drifted off of to sleep minutes ago. In my arms. Yeah... That's how lucky I am. I have one Sleeping Beauty here cuddling in my arms. Just before she closed her eyes and snored softly, she hugged and kissed me and said "I love you, Bubu." 

Yes. I am THAT lucky. And now, as I'm typing this blogpost, I keep looking at her super sweet face. Yes, thanks to YOU, I can do both things at the same time. Now I'm thinking... How can one be so... Sweet-looking. I'm afraid to say the word "perfect". Although as YOU know, that is the exact word that I have in my head. Well, I know I am her mother but... Just look at her! Those plump cheeks, those pink lips, and that super cute nose... Such a beauty YOU've created here and YOU're giving her to me!!! What did I do to deserve her? What have I done to get this honor to take care of her? As far as I can remember, I've been a pretty chaotic person yet YOU still giving her to me??? YOU're giving me the chance and duty to be her mother??? What have I done to deserve such honor?

Dead God, 

I'm looking at my sleeping Flower Girl, the flower of my life, and I can't stop smiling. It's weird that since I got sick, there are things that I can't remember eventhough it just happens a minute ago. Yet right this second, I do remember how much I've wanted to have this precious girl in my life. I do remember what I had to do and have gone through around 7 years ago. To have her finally in my arms... I do remember all the pain and anxiety that I felt just to have her now snoring beside me. 

Now I'm worried... What if I failed? What if because of my lack of ability as a mother, my girl becomes a failure? What if my decisions crushed her confidence? What if my past-present-future mistakes made her suffer? What if she hated me for it?

Anyways, the positive side of me can't hardly wait to have her as my bestie. I assume that's why YOU're sending her to me, right? I mean, she's 7 now but the stuff she's been asking and talking about with me lately? Totally girlfriends material :))) Sometimes some things even creeping me out. It's like she could totally read my mind AND heart. I thank YOU so much for making her so smart and super sensitive and all, but please please please don't let her grow up too fast. Please give me more time to take care of her and not the other way around. Like she's always telling me in recent times... YOU know... Whenever she hugs and kisses me lately, she says: 

"Don't worry, Bubu. I'll take care of you. I love you."

Dear God, please please please give me more time and let me have the chance to be the one who says: 

No, baby. I love you and I will take care of you. 

Always, my Sleeping Beauty. 

Always.