Tuesday, January 02, 2018


It's been 23 days since my last post. That's too long. I don't know why... But lately I've lost my passion to write and I don't know why. That is not good. Not good at all. First it's because writing is something that I actually REALLY LOVE. Some might even say that I'm good at it. Second it's sort of a therapy for me. Especially for my memory. But now it's more than that. And that is the reason why I'm back "here" and I intend to be back more often. Or at least just like the old days. 

I realize that these couple of days my fingers/hand or my legs and my brain don't synchronize very well with each other. They simply don't work together very well anymore. It started with simple things like for example texting. Lately I've made lots of mistakes while typing messages. In my mind I intend to type A but I type B instead. Imagine how messed up that sort of mistake can be in a message :D Or sometimes I also misunderstand the message I receive because I overlook some words. Or again, instead of reading C I see D.

At home I often walk around because I forget where I want to go. Or I intend to go to the bathroom but I go to the kitchen instead. Then I would stand in the kitchen, walk around the island because I am confused. I don't know what I want to do or what I want to take. This problem is really annoying when I go shopping. Not only I forget what I want to buy and who I am with, I'm also lost between the aisles. I try to take this problem lightly by strolling around, looking at some stuff and just chill. So going to the supermarket has become like some kind of a relaxation for me. But not for the people who are with me. Usually Kukka and our maid Dewi are the ones who become worried or panic when I'm out of their sight. 

Texting long messages or writing like *this* is also difficult for me now. Because sometimes my fingers just won't type the words that I have in my mind. It's like the fingers have their own will. Maybe when you're reading my post here you''ll find repeated words or sentences. If you do, then you understand more what I'm talking about here. That is also the reason why I don't fix the mistakes I might have made in this posting. I want you to know how am I really doing now... And it's also for me. By reading this post, unedited, I can see how am I doing now. 

I haven't tell my doctor about this yet but I will. I already put it on my journal so I won't forget. There are times when I find it funny. But then after awhile when I think about it more... It's actually scary. Don't you think? 

Sunday, December 10, 2017


Do you have that so-called “safe place”? You know... That certain place, hideaway, den, sanctuary, shelter, haven,... A place where you feel... Well, safe, obviously. And as a bonus it’s also a place where you always feel welcomed, missed and certainly loved. A place where you can always be yourself, say whatever you want to say, do whatever you want to do. Without ever worrying or even give a shit that somebody out there will judge or scold you? Do you have one? And do you think you need one? Better yet, does anybody need one? 

Anyways... Lately I’ve just realized that a safe place could also be a person. That certain someone who can make you enjoy the moments, together or apart. A person who makes you feel comfortable. A person who lets you be yourself completely. No judging, no pretending. A person who makes you always feel wanted and like I’ve mentioned above: loved. No. I'm not talking about a family member or a BFF aka Best-Friend-Forever. Because a family member or a BFF will always be on your side, no matter what. His or her comments and opinions are not objective. They will always be about you. But a "safe place"... That's a different thing.  

Eventhough he or she knows that you are wrong, you feel fine about it. Both of you feel okay about it. Advices and consolations will be there. But you won't feel any guilt nor shame. Because she'll never say, in Bahasa Indonesia: "Harusnya tuh kamu...." or in english: "You should've...". Nope. None. There's just listen, listen and listen. Then, only then, when you ask for advices, he'll give them to you. With nice and comforting words, calm and encouraging. And most importantly: objective. 

Well... If you do have one, don't let her go. Stay close and keep on sharing. It doesn't mean that you have to talk to each other every single day. This is also the beauty of having a safe place. Eventhough you don't communicate with each other every day, but when you do, it will be intense. It will be more than enough. It will be soothing. And if you do have one, take good care of your relationship. Because when it's broken, you will feel lost. And lonely.

Saturday, December 09, 2017

Let's Cook!

Wow... It's been awhile. Here I am, fingers on the keyboard... Yet still. I don't know what I should write. I just feel that I have to. Because it's been too long. Not that there's nothing going on. In fact a lot of things have been going on. For example... Cooking. 

Yes. Cooking. I. Cook. :))) It might sounds strange or impossible but it turns out that I do like cooking. It started... I think... Since Hubster told me to cook instead of ordering food from a daily catering service. Why? Well... Many times the food that we've ordered was not very satisfying. Mostly the taste doesn't even match with the price. Second of all by being busy in the kitchen I would have a daily activity, which is a good thing for me. I must admit though. The second the cooking became "a must" thing to do, I got a major headache. It felt like such a heavy burden. Browsing recipes and watching Tasty didn't feel fun anymore... But then along came Dewi. 

Dewi is our maid. She's the wife of our driver, Ari. Actually Dewi is more than a maid. She's more like a personal assistant for me. She helps me running the house, right from cleaning every corner to reminding me when to pay the monthly bills. More than that, Dewi also reminds me when to take my medicines and the schedule to go to the doctor. Long story short, Dewi is an excellent cook and she assists me whenever I cook. We like to try new things by browsing through the internet or checking out that giant recipe book Hubster gave me on my birthday. Well I got recipes from anywhere I can. Once in awhile Dewi & I also "invent" the meal ourselves. The meal that we've cooked taste good. Some even really, really good. For example the chicken lollipop. Objectively speaking of course :p So yup! There goes my diet plan :p 

Alhamdulillah Kukka & Hubster also love the food. Whenever there's a lack of taste, Kukka would tell me right in the face :)) And of course, knowing me, I took pictures of every food I've cooked & posted them everywhere. My Facebook, instagram and all. And I do have some favorites. So far these are my Top 5: 

1. Chicken Lollipop

2. Rawon

3. Chicken-Shrimp & Sweet Corn with Mozarella 

4. Crispy Carp Fish With Sweet-Sour Pineapple Sauce

5. Sauté Spicy Chicken Liver With Green Tomatoes

Thursday, December 07, 2017

Doc Rocksy menjelaskan

"Lho? Farika kenapa ini? Ada masalah apa? Dosis obat & jenis obat saya tambah lagi deh untuk sebulan ini. Sama saya kasih obat tidur ya!"

Komentar dr. Rocksy setelah periksa dan dengar cerita tentang seizures, terutama tanggal 4 Desember 2017. Deskripsi kejang hari itu menurut Dewi: 

"Lagi ngajarin Dewi komputer terus ibu bilang mual. Pas Dewi tanya udah minum obat atau belum, ibu bilang belum. Jam 5 sore minum obat, selang 10 menit gemeteran, diajak ngobrol sama Dewi dan Kukka udah nggak bisa. Terus kejang-kejang, sekitar 1 menitan, kejang-kejang keluar buih."

3 Desember kejang 2 kali:
1. Jam 14:08
2. Jam 17:10

Diberi obat tidur untuk sebulan ini. dr. Rocksy ikut seminar encephalitis di Swiss dan banyak masukan baru. Ada buku bagus tapi nggak dibawa. Judulnya Life After Encephalitis. Go Send? :D

Friday, October 20, 2017

Smooch Moochi

I'm surrounded by kind and beautiful people. Not long after my posting about Flappy's tragic death, a friend from my college years contacted me. Septi. She was one of the girls in the dorm I stayed with. The younger ones :)) We never had any contact besides being friends in Facebook and Instagram. But not long I assume after she read my (blog or Instagram) postings about Flappy's death, she offered me a kitty cat. It was one of the best news I've received since a long time. So long story short, here he is, our beloved kitty cat: Moochi. 

Learning from our previous mistakes, we immediately took Moochi to the vet so he could get all the necessary vaccines he needed. Alhamdulillah so far Moochi is growing to be a healthy kitty. The first days Moochi was with us, he didn't want to eat a lot. We thought that he was just stressed out because of being in a new home. But it turned out that he had some teeth coming out and also some mouth ulcers. Good lord! :)) I didn't even know that cats CAN get mouth ulcers! Alhamdulillah our vet, drh. Yani from Meatball Pet Care Bintaro is a very nice and caring veterinarian. She treated and talked to Moochi as if he was a baby... Like a human one :))) I guess that's how vets got taught in college? :D Thanks to drh. Yani, Moochi is now growing to be a very healthy kitty. He eats a lot too! :) Kukka?

Oh you guess it right! :) Kukka loves Moochi very much! The minute she arrives at home from school, Kukka asks for Moochi. Sometimes I have to remind her to come to ME first and give me a kiss. Instead of running around the house looking for Moochi. The two of them would then spend the afternoon playing together. There must be something about Kukka. But it's like every cat she's been with, it lets her do anything! :)) Moochi got bundled up like a baby, got tossed up in the air like a small child, got dressed up and everything. Sometimes he does run away from Kukka. But most of the time he lets Kukka do whatever she wants.

Me? I love Moochi :) I spoil him that much I'd let him take a nap together with me! Usually around noon the 2 of us would lie down on the sofa. While I'm resting with a book on my hand, Moochi would jumped on the sofa and cuddling next to me. But most of time he sleeps on my tummy, my arm or on my chest. Yes. On my breasts to be exact! :)) This kitty is so weird. Maybe the sound of my heart soothes him. I don't know :) Alhamdulillah so far Moochi is growing to be a very healthy kitty. His vaccines are complete, he eats well and it looks like he's happy to be a part of our family. 

Hubster? Well... This is also funny and weird at the same time. Moochi acts differently around Hubster. It's like he knows that THE MAN OF THE HOUSE is different than the others :)) As if he knows that Hubster is not THAT MUCH of a cat lover. Many times all Hubster needs is to hold a broom in his hand and woooooosh!!! Moochi would run out of the house :))) But I did see Hubster held Moochi a couple of times. And I think I saw Moochi had an alarmed look :))) Well... I guess it's true. Cats ARE smart. It's VERY possible that they DO know who REALLY love them and who doesn't :p

The Other Man

As far as my memory goes, there are 2 men in my life who I considered cool. Cool as in how they look, how they behave & of course their personalities. If you’re an avid reader of my blog I bet you know how much I love, admire & adore my Dad :) Now I want to tell you about the second man I admire. It’s my father-in-law. I call him Bapak. 

I’m very certain that I’m not imagining this. Ever since the first time Hubster took me to his house & introduced me to his father, I became a fan of Bapak :)) Why? Well, in my opinion, not only is Bapak a very smart man, he also looks & acts cool. It’s a bit complicated to describe. But I’m sure the minute you meet him, you’ll agree with me. I never feel awkward around him. On the contrary, I like to sit & have conversations with him. It’s not difficult to be at ease around him because he is funny too. And after spending a big family holiday with him last weekend (Oct 13th) it reminds me again how cool my father-in-law is. While the others had their moments together in the living room, Bapak & I had the chance to chat. I can’t really remember how it started but he did ask me about my health & how I am doing so far. Unlike to some people, I told Bapak almost everything :) Not only about my current condition, but also my feelings. How I rather spend time by myself than being in a crowd, that I rather be quiet & to be told to do things & other stuff. Why? 

Because of my forgetfulness, I often ask the same questions again & again & again. Many times I also ask about the things that I should do or not do. Or because of my illness I often make mistakes & make some people around me angry or pissed off. I poured my heart out to Bapak that it actually pisses me off too that some people think I do these mistakes deliberately. Of course I didn’t actually use the word “piss off” in front of him :D I told Bapak that some people do actually think I’m making these stuff up. That I INTENTIONALLY forget some things. Even lying about them! Why? I don’t know. Because some think I’m craving for attention? Now why would I want that when I already know what I’d get? Talking to Bapak about it was the right thing to do. Because he totally understands what I’m going through. It turns out that he also experiences this forget-about-stuff thing... In the middle of our conversation my sister-in-law Mba Dewi came & confirmed the stories about Bapak's forgetfulness. I must say it was a nice and liberating feeling to have something in common with Bapak. I just wish it would've been something good :(

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Remember, Remember. To Draw For DrawTober.

Lately it just occurred to me that I like to draw. A lot. Come to think of it this is actually not something new. When I was little I used to draw or paint quite often. Once I even participated in a drawing competition in Fakultas Kedokteran Hewan IPB & won. 4th prize! Not bad, right?! :)) When I was still in Vienna there was an Independence Day Celebration at the Indonesian Embassy. I also participated in a drawing competition. Did I win? I can't remember :)) Anyways... The point is I just realize that writing is not my only hobby. I also like to draw. BUT (yes there's a but :p) I don't have a lot of original ideas. Like...my own! Unlike writing, I can't just picture some kind of a scenery or object in my head & then pour the idea on a piece of paper or canvas or whatever. What I do (for now) is put the words (read: ideas) on Google, click Search & voila! :))

Once I find an image that I like, I try to copy it & add some of my own ideas. Whether it's another object, different colors, anything. So far I'm enjoying it. I also started to paint like... Using an easel, canvas, palette, paint, paintbrush & stuff :)) It's not finish yet but I promise I will. Soon! Then one day I found this DrawTober 2017 thing. I thought okay, why not?! I already have an unused notebook! All I needed was a pencil & an eraser. That's it! I must admit it is very challenging. But also very fun! Every day I try to put something...personal on my drawing. Something meaningful. I don't want to draw...just like that! 

So far I've only on Day 7. Today is my Day 8 & I haven't draw anything. I usually do it after dinner or while putting Kukka to bed. I must admit though... This DrawTober thing needs a lot of commitment :)) Well... Let's consider it as another challenge, shall we?   

Monday, October 09, 2017

Midterm Break Getaway

Lately I've been losing some things that used to excite me. One of those things is the thrill to write. The one thing that I really love doing and some say, very good at it. It's making me really sad… So I've made a promise to bring back that thrill. Starting with this particular post! 

On October 5th - 9th Hubster, my beloved Godsend & I spent Kukka's midterm break in Bali again. But this time the gang was bigger! It all started because Hubster wanted Kukka to spend the holiday together with someone who is...not...old. Like her parents :)) After giving a long of thought, we decided to ask Uchie, my sister in law, to come along. Why? Because she has 2 children, Raoul & Mika, who are... Well obviously that makes them as Kukka's cousins :)) When we told Kukka about it she was very very happy! So long story short, I started browsing villas on AirBnB & also packing. While Hubster started buying tickets & renting a car. 

Day One
We rented a big and beautiful villa called Villa Jimbaran in Jl. Blong Bidadari No. 88, South Kuta (pics taken from AirBnB). I must say that when we arrived at the villa, I was in awe. I knew from the pictures that the villa is super nice. But I didn’t expect it to be… That big? That awesome? That the view is so beautiful? The only downside of it is the way to get to the villa. It is pretty far from the airport and the road is kinda steep. But it’s totally worthy! When the kids saw the pool they couldn’t wait to jump into it. While me… I couldn’t wait to go to the bedroom and lie down on a comfy bed & enjoy some peace & quiet :)) But it wasn’t long until we went to go out to eat. And of course, the restaurant had to be near the beach. We went to Ristorante Italia, our favorite. While Hubster, Uchie & the kids went to the beach, I was just chilling in the restaurant. Writing on my diary & drawing my daily DrawTober (I’ll blog about this later). It was very nice… I did worry a bit because of the cloudy sky. But then I thought oh what the hell! 

When it got dark we went back to the villa. Of course the kids jumped straight into the pool & kept on swimming until their skins got wrinkley. The good thing about it was that because the kids were so tired they fell asleep really easy. And so were we… The adultssszzzzzz….. 

Oh yeah! I can't really remember how it started but then Hubster had the idea of invited Mas Ijul, Hubster’s oldest brother, & Mba Dewi, his wife, to come along. But they had to take a late flight. Anyways suddenly our gang got bigger: Hubster, me, Kukka, Uchie, Raoul, Mika, Mas Ijul & Mba Dewi! Well... The more the merrier, right?!

Day Two
In the morning we were delighted to see that Mas Ijul & Mba Dewi, who took a very late plane, arrived safe & sound in the villa. And there’s one more thing: it turned out that this was Mas Ijul’s first time in Bali! :) I really hoped that he would enjoy Bali like many others do. After a quick breakfast we went to Bali Safari and Marine Park. Luckily Hubster was able to find another car for Mas Ijul to drive. The best part of it was seeing the kids being so excited. Especially Raoul & Mika. As for Kukka… This wasn’t her first time. So I guess Kukka wasn’t that excited anymore. As a matter of fact, after having lunch in Tsavo Lion Restaurant, Hubster, Kukka & I decided to stay. Kukka was so tired she threw up. Afterwards she almost instantly fell asleep on my lap. And it was quite a long nap too. Good. Meanwhile the others took the tour bus & enjoyed Bali Safari together.

Later on Hubster & I wanted Mas Ijul & Mba Dewi to enjoy sunset in Kuta. And so we went. Kuta was crowded. Like always. But it wasn’t really packed. While Mas Ijul & Mba Dewi went to the beach, we decided to go to Beachwalk like true Bintaroers :)) Of course visiting Krisna was on our list too. Why? BECAUSE BUYING KAOS BARONG IS A MUST!!! Thinking that my Barong shirts at home were already worn out I went pretty crazy here. I didn’t get any headache because the store wasn’t that full. It must be a sign! My heart felt lighter when I finally had my new Barong t-shirts in my hand :)) As for my BFF, Keke, I couldn’t get any dodol rumput laut because it was sold out. Well… No luck for you, girl :p

As for dinner we decided to have it by the beach in Warung Ramayana. Too bad we didn’t take pictures. Because the amount of food that we ordered were….huge! :)) Yes. I think we were too hungry to take pictures! I couldn’t even stand up because my tummy was too full :)) Fish, lobster, squid, you name it. All inside my belly :p After all… It was our last night in Bali…

Day Three
It was quite a cloudy morning… The kids went swimming and finished just in time. It rained quite long after they went out from the pool. I enjoyed some me-time in the bedroom while lying down on the bed & looking out the window. Enjoying the rain & watching at the Pink Flamingo moving here & there in the swimming pool. It was just before noon… 

At 1PM we already arrived in the airport because check-out time was 12pm. Although our flight was around 4pm. I particularly didn’t think of it as a big deal. I enjoyed the time sipping coffee & did my DrawTober again. Alhamdulillah everything went great. As we arrived in Jakarta, we said our goodbyes & went home safely. I must say… No matter how fancy the villa we had, how great the places we’ve been & how great our holiday was, it felt really, really, really good to be home & finally sleep on our own bed. 

Home sweet home it is :)