Monday, May 28, 2018

Why Wait?

It's just another Sunday night... Nothing new really. I put my baby to sleep, played some games, read books, watched the news, Netflixing, wrote some stories, replied messages etc.. Still. I'm having a hard time to sleep. Might as well make the most of it by blogging about stuff. There are so many things going on in my head right now. Statements, questions, random words... And just minutes ago I had this...thing in my head which I have to get it out. An epiphany? Maybe... All I know is that if I don't start writing about it, I'd be up all night. 

You see... Don't you think it's kind of sad that most people tend to say nice things about you but only when you're already gone? Gone as in... Dead. Deceased. Passed away. Even if you don't know that person very well but still. When you die and your friends are asked to make a comment or say a few words about you, I bet it will be good things. Well... Nowadays you don't even have to ask! I bet she would leave touchy goodbyes on your twitter or Path. He would share thoughtful prayers on your Facebook or apologies to your Whatsapp. She'd blogged about her sweet experiences with you, the deceased. He would let everybody know how he truly felt about you but only when you're already gone. It makes me wonder. What's the point? Why not now while you still can hear it? Why not now while you are able to say something back? And same thing goes to you!

Why don't you tell her NOW that you love her? Why don't you tell her NOW that you are sorry? Why don't you tell her NOW that her hair looks pretty? Why don't you call him NOW and tell him that you miss him? Why don't you tell him NOW that his writing is mindblowing? Why don't you tell him NOW that his pictures look cool? Why wait? Or even worse, why don't you say anything until all that's left will be if onlys and regrets? So again...


Thursday, May 17, 2018

Dear Kukka: Give Me (More) Time

First I would like to thank you for making me laugh like crazy today. You said something that made me laugh so hard I had tears all over my face. I really couldn't stop! Not until I saw your expression started to change. I noticed that you looked... Sad if not upset. And fortunately just like that I remember when you told me that you didn't like it if somebody is laughing at you. Especially whenever you talk in Bahasa Indonesia. But wait! That's another story. Let me write about what just happened in the car this afternoon. 

When you were still in Kumon class I was checking your twitter account and I saw something funny posted by Majalah Bobo. I told myself "I'm gonna show this to Kukka!" and I did. But unfortunately I didn't get the reaction I was expecting. Seconds after I showed you the tweet, instead of commenting about it, you cringed and complained with a serious yet still very cute face: "I don't want to follow BOBO!" I was... I mean... I thought... I was like... My eyes got bigger, my mouth was opened wide and then I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. I laughed sooo hard and soooo long! I really couldn't stop!!! By the time I managed to stop I asked you why you didn't want to follow Bobo. I told you that Bobo is a very nice magazine and that you can learn Bahasa Indonesia by reading it etc. Yet your expression didn't change and you kept saying "I don't want to follow Bobo!". After I managed to control myself, I opened your twitter account and unfollow Majalah Bobo right in front of you. Eventhough I am still in control of every social media account you have, I told you that I was sorry and that next time I will ask you first who you do want to follow. Anyways... Later on it got me thinking... I just realized (maybe for the gazzilionth times) that you, my baby girl, are not a baby anymore and I have to (learn to) accept it. Because you, obviously, don't want to be treated like one.

Now here I am, sitting on the dining chair, with my fingers on the keyboard and looking straight at you, my beautiful 9-going-on-10 year old girl. Today is the first day of fasting month and you spent the day without complaining. Well... You did mention that you could eat all the food on the table but no. Whining? A bit. But no. You didn't complain much. Now you're watching tv while having your all time favorite menu: spaghetti bolognese and broccoli. I can't help not to smile and feeling grateful. ALLAH SWT knows how much I love you, mein Schatz and I am very proud of you. That goes without saying. And it's quite difficult to accept the fact that now you prefer to watch some teenage-highschool serials instead of Pocoyo. That you really like to listen to adult songs on Mustang FM instead of watching Mickey-Minnie-Donald singing and dancing on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. And the questions you ask me? I mean the adult-related questions? Dear god... I just can't believe it :)) But I guess I just have to learn harder to be a mother of a 9yo girl. A good friend of mine who has an older child told me that I should be prepared. Because the time will come when you, my precious, angelic kid of mine soon CAN and WILL make me angry, insulted or sad on daily basis. Well actually the time IS already here, isn't it? :)) There's one "drama" that got stucked in my head. You screamed to my face "You don't love me anymore!" and me sobbing on the floor like a lonely old lady? What happened? I don't remember and I'm pretty sure it wasn't a matter of life and death :)) But yeah... It already happened. Good thing Bapa wasn't there huh?! If he was, both of us could be "scolded and grounded" :)))

So yes.. Kukka... As a normal human being with all my limitations, can you please give Bubu more time to accept, to understand and to learn how to be a mother to a super smart, sensitive, beautiful inside-and-out girl like you? Because to be honest it's not easy, you know... Before satisfying your curiousity, I have to google or ask around first. Before giving you some motherly advices, I have to think really careful and really hard. Because I only want to tell you the right things. I only want to give you the best ones. And to do that, I need time. Lots and lots and lots of time. Maybe for as long as I shall live. So again... Give Bubu more time. Please?

Monday, May 14, 2018

To The Most Annoying & Demanding BFF

True friends show it how it is. 
No fake smiles when you greet.
No cold hugs when you meet.

True friends tell it like it is.
No sympathy when her attitude sucks.
No sweet words when she looks like crap.

A true friend sees the truth and pain,
in you when nobody else can.
Many times it seems like too good to be true.
Yet she does exist. 
And her birthday today is the undisputable proof.

Happy birthday Neng!
May ALLAH SWT. bless you with health and happiness,
now and forever.
I love you.

Friday, April 27, 2018

Who Do You Think You Are?

"Sekali ini aja kok!" or "Just this once!"

This 'magic' sentence... The one you say in moments when you actually think you are God. You think you can control what will, is, and going to happen. 

An innocent and curious child who thinks that putting his hand inside a cage full of dogs won't hurt him. That no dog will bite him. But who knows??? - A woman lets her friend kiss her for old time sake. Just this once. She will not let anything happen further than a harmless kiss. But who knows??? - A man gets drunk and drives his car afterwards. Nothing ever happens before. So he's sure that he'll arrive safely at home. But who knows???

"Who knows?" 

I'm not saying that you should live in fear, that you should worry all the time and end up doing nothing, or not going anywhere anymore. Just like that boy Oskar Schell in Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close movie. It just amazes me really. How some people think of themselves above everybody else. Which makes it even worse, she/he thinks above The One who created her/him. Just because she wears a hijab. Or he has dark spots on his forehead. Or she goes to the church more often than others. And so on and so on. No. That's not a guarantee. A sinful man who gives his last rupiah to the poor could be the one who'll enjoy heaven. While the man who goes to the mosque everyday but treats other people like shit will end up in hell. Human. The most intelligent and somewhat arrogant being ALLAH SWT has created. Obviously intentionally. Because why would HE give the complete package only to us: a brain to think, a heart to feel, and a mind to decide. Heaven or hell. Where you will end up is affected by what you do and for ALLAH SWT to decide. Yes. I'll write it again: it's totally up to The Almighty. Not you. So don't you even bother to act like you are god. It just makes you like an idiot instead.

Ah what am I saying! This is a complicated random thought that I just have to write down :)) I'm not sure why I'm thinking about these things. I guess... It's because the older I get, the more people I meet!!! Humans are complicated!!! Men. Women. Young and old. You think you know them but then... BOOM!!! Something happens which makes you think "What. The. Fuck???" And just like that you lose the trust, the respect or the love you used to have for that certain person. And also from those who you think were and would always be there for you. Perfect timing too. Just when I was trying to be more "social"...

I guess at the end of the day since The Almighty give me the ability to heal myself it’s just me. The one who can mend my own broken heart. Me, myself and only me.

Thursday, April 26, 2018

What Did I Do To You?

Did I do something bad? 
Did I hurt your feelings?
Did I break your heart?
Did I do stupid things?
Did I turn a blind eye to your friendly gestures?
Did I reply your sincere hello with a fake smile?

For all the yes or even a slight nod, please let me apologize.
I must have been so stupid or too foolish to realize.
How much pain a word can effect somebody's feeling.
That it can even break someone else's heart. 
Yours to be precise.

There's nothing I can offer other than regrets.
I'm taking my share by feeling the ache. 
I'll begin with saying "I'm sorry."
Let me mend our precious bond back.

Sunday, April 01, 2018

'Til We Meet Again, Sentosa

Big sigh. 

I've spent hours... No. Days! To manage this trip. From where to stay, where to go, what places to visit, until what TIME to do all those things. Completed with hour-minute! I've wrote the list on papers, saved it on my iPhone & iPad. BUT of course at the end it's all useless. Planning doesn't work that well in this little family of ours :))

Okay let me start with where we went for Kukka's midterm break & Hubster's birthday. Resorts Sentosa Island. Why? I'm not so sure... I think it was because we couldn't go too far because of Hubster's working schedule. Lots of things were uncertain so we decided to go somewhere...familiar. So Sentosa - Singapore it is! We stayed from March 26th - 29th at Equarius Sentosa Hotel. Totally recommended. It has great service, beautiful view & our bedroom turned out to be better than expected. The breakfast was kinda boring though. It was delicious but everyday it has the same menu. So if you do want to stay at this hotel, consider to have breakfast outside since there are lots of great places to eat.

Something hilarious happened when we came to the hotel. After everything was settled, the receptionist congratulated Hubster on his upcoming birthday, which was the next day. But then the guy apologized for not being able to accomodate my request. You see... A day before we flew to Singapore I sent an e-mail to the hotel & requested to have a birthday cake, complete with a lighted candle, sent to our room at exactly 00:00/midnight/March 27th. When the receptionist mentioned it Hubster was like "What?" He was confused. As for me? I practically screamed "NOOOOOO!!!! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE!!!!!" Hubster & I bursted into laughter & the receptionist guy was... :))) Oh man! I still remember how his expression was! LOL LOL LOL!!!! His mouth was opened, his eyes confused & .... In short he was bewildered :)))) After that he kept apologizing whenever we met in the hotel area. The receptionist said "I'm so sorry!" like thousand times! LOL LOL LOL!!! I said it's okay but I have to admit I was kind of disappointed. The birthday cake was supposed to be a substitute of the birthday present which was left behind at home. Why was it at home? Because when we left to Singapore, it wasn't delivered yet!!!! :))) 

THIS is my birthday present for SiBapa. We've been together for sooo many years & celebrated many birthdays together I simply didn't have any ideas anymore. Then one day I came up with this mug idea & I am pretty happy about it :)) Why? Well... Because whenever Hubs uses this mug, he will see my opinion about what kind of husband he is to me. Still sexy. Yet the older he gets, the grumpiest he becomes :p But the fact that the receptionist ruined the way I was going to give the present to Hubs was quite disappointing. And that's not all!!!! I made a mistake! When I ordered the mug, I wrote the age 43 instead of 42!!! Oh man! So sorry ya Baps :D But anyways... Let bygones be bygones! Right?!? LOL!!! LOL!!!!  

As for the holiday itself... It was fun. It rained quite often but we still enjoyed it. We went to lots places such as the Universal Studios, S.E.A Aquarium, ... And others! But I must say my favorite part of the holiday was when we went to Skyline Luge. You see... Ever since I got sick I'm not allowed to drive a car anymore. It's too bad because I do enjoy driving a car. Well... It IS understandable. I mean... What if I suddenly get a seizure while driving? :D But back to Luge. It is, in their own words, is a "unique wheeled gravity cart". And yes! Just like its' tagline says "Once is never enough". It was so fun we did it twice! First time through the Jungle Trail & then the Dragon Trail. Too bad we didn't buy the pictures which were automatically taken by the cameras on the trails :(( I think I already screamed perfectly when my cart drove passed the cameras... For the Luge experience I have to thank Hubster. At first I hesitated but my babies talked me into it. It turned out to be more fun than the cable car ride. Anyways... We had so much fun in Sentosa, it would take me forever to write the experience here. At the end of the day I just want to thank ALLAH SWT for giving me the chance to spend such a lovely time with the loves of my life. 

And for you, Muniku... Happy 42nd birthday! And thank you for everything. :*

Tuesday, March 20, 2018


Now let me tell you a little bit about this year's wedding anniversary present for SiBapa. The present which made me excited, nervous, sweaty & sleepless!!! LOL! As you my dear friends & loyal readers must know by now, I've been together with Hubster for a long time. We've been a couple since 1997 & we got married in March 6th 2004. As far as a I can remember, I always have an anniversary present for Hubster. Too bad I don't keep track of each one of them :)) The "problem" is there has been so many anniversaries I'm already out of ideas! :))) I really didn't know what kind of present I should give him this year. I was quite frustrated. Because to me, surprises mean a big deal. I know, I know :)) Well... Why not? Just because you've been together for a long time doesn't mean you ignore those kind of things. Right? Small things do matter. A simple love message, a warm hug. Anything to keep the excitement going. So there I was busting my brain every day, trying to find "the perfect" anniversary present for Hubster. Then one morning when we were lying around in bed, an idea hit me! I got this sudden rush, an excitement that I hadn't feel for a long time. I immediately googled here & there, contacted this & that. It was quite difficult & I was pretty nervous. Until FINALLY I got all the things that I needed. Then I put everything together & THIS is it:

14th wedding anniversary is traditionally celebrated with a gift of ivory. So I thought... Hey! Wood is pretty close to ivory. Right?!? :)) For your information, Yayang... Every single wooden letter, the wooden spoons & the frame are especially made. Just for Hubster, for SiBapa. Yes. Just for you, Muniku :)

You really can find & buy everything online I tell ya'! I ordered the letters from Bandung, the spoons from Medan & the frame from Ciputat. All I have to do was browse an online marketplace, order, pay & sit tight. The only store I had to visit was Toko Prapatan to buy the board :)) I had to be very certain though that Hubster wouldn't be at home when the packages arrived. Dewi also had to make sure that SiBapa wouldn't be the one who opened the door when the postman came. Everytime the door bell rang or SiBapa was outside, ready to go to work, I was like "Come on! Just go! Why are you still here!?!? The delivery guy could come any minute now!" :)) 

Dewi & Ari had their share of panicking. They tried to find the perfect place to hide the big frame, the board & everything else. Kukka also made sure that everytime SiBapa came to her bedroom he wouldn't see the big frame hidden behind the curtain. Kukka also had to protect the frame so that Moochi won't nudge it by accident. So yes! I thank everybody in this house for the awesome cooperation! When everything was ready to be assembled, I sweat my butt off putting the letters together nicely. I had super glue all over my fingers, on the floor & also a little bit on Moochi's fur :))) It was his fault though. He was really curious about the whole thing. Moochi even played with the dots from the "i"s of "since" & "spooning" LOL! I was scared he would swallowed them accidentally. Anyways... It may doesn't look much but it took a lot of effort to make it. Especially for me!!! LOL LOL LOL! I'm not a handy-crafty-creative person but it turns out that I do like to make things, as long as it has a special meaning to me. So again... 

After 21 years being together & 14 years of being married, I finally understood why ALLAH made your body so warm & my feet always so cold... Because we are made to spoon forever until death do us part.
 Happy 14th wedding anniversary Muniku! 
Ich liebe Dich ├╝ber alles :*