Tuesday, October 05, 2010

A Mother Forgives. But Forgets?

I’ve been a daughter for 34 years now & God knows how many times I’ve let my mom sad, angry or down. Especially in my teen years :D Yet she always seems to forgive me & never once mentioned the mistakes I’ve done. She keeps loving, caring, nurturing, protecting & worrying about me like nothing happened. And like normal daughters do, I took her lavish love all for granted. But lately certain events happened & it made me think. About mothers & being one, since I, alhamdulillah, am too a mother now.

Since the beginning of time, I guess, mothers are expected to love her children unconditionally. It means that whenever they make mistakes & no matter how huge the mistake is, mother will, can & have to forgive her children. It is given. I remember watching Tiger Wood’s apology speech. Not touchy at all. Yet the moment I saw his mother sitting there & smiling, I shed some tears. I felt so sorry for her. The son who used to make her the proudest mother on earth, has humiliated her in front of the world. But I’m sure she forgives him. After all, that’s what mothers (supposedly) do. Along with other mothers who had to deal with their pregnant teens, gay children, corruptor sons, mistress daughters, & other problems which might look like it’s impossible to forgive. And as a mother, I dare say that it is possible.

Being a mother really is...indescribable. The most bizarre feeling a human could possible have, I think. And when it comes to your child, it really feels like she can do nothing wrong, which reminds me of my Nini. From my mom’s stories, I’ve learned that my Nini loved her children above all. Her 10 children were ALWAYS right & NOBODY was good enough for them. And she hold on to her version of love until the day she died. And if your child does make a mistake, it seems...normal. It would be just another phase in her life that she has to go through. It’s not the child’s fault. So who’s to blame? Well, we, mothers, blame ourselves for the mistakes you’ve done. Naturally.

So far, all I have to deal with are small mistakes like scrapped knee, runny nose, bump on the head. Kukka’s fault? Noooo! My fault because I didn’t hold her hand tightly. My fault because she got the flu from me. My fault I let her jump on the bed. And I forgive Kukka for not wanting to be held by me, for licking my spoon full of virus, for not listening to me & kept jumping ‘til she banged her head to the wall. Meanwhile, out there, lots of mothers are dealing with bigger things & they too, blame themselves & forgive their children. But do mothers forget?

They say illness comes from the mind. And how many mothers do you see suffering from weak hearts, strokes, or cancers? Some I knew even died from neverending sadness & broken hearts. Who knows what in a mother’s mind... All I know is that I have to remember that mothers are just as human as we are.