Sunday, October 23, 2016


Yesterday was Saturday. It was a very nice day. I woke up in a good shape and in a good mood. Probably because after I took my morning pills, it was easy for me to go back to sleep again. Hence the good mood and fresh feeling. So fresh I decided to start cooking not long after I woke up. The menu was Homemade Carrot Cheese and Chicken Nuggets! Yes. Homemade. It was fun to make and turned out to be quite delicious. How do I know the nuggets were delicious? Because my precious Godsend ate 12 of them in 1 go. Yes. 12. And the nuggets were quite big. Bigger than the ones you find in the supermarkets. Watching Kukka eating my homemade nuggets amazed me. And happy, of course. The tiredness from doing those cutting, chopping, shaping and everything just paid off. And of course, she finished the veggies too. While keeping her company during lunch, I asked Kukka what she wanted to do or where to go today. With a big grin she answered “PIM!”. Specifically. I asked why PIM. She just answered “Because I want to.” Okay. :))

So yes, we went to PIM. Just the two of us because SiBapa had to go to work. When we arrived in PIM, as predicted, it was... F U L L. I was like “Ugh...!”. I really wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else but PIM. On Saturday. But I saw Kukka’s happy face. She was so happy and looked very excited. She held my hands and led me the way. Of course. Toys City. The toy store was so crowded and loud. Along the way I reminded Kukka that she was not allowed to buy anymore toys because she already bought a giant Shark and a bunny from Ikea the day before. She just nodded but still she practically dragged me to a specific section in the toy store. And there they were. Pokemon cards. I was like WHAT??????? I asked “So you want to go to PIM just because of these cards???? You want me to buy you these cards????” Kukka picked one pack of cards and with her super cute face and super sweet voice she begged “Please, Bubu... Can I buy this one? Pleeeeeeeeeease??? All of my friends have Pokemon cards. I’m the only one who don’t have them. So when they talk about the cards, I can’t join them and I don’t understand. Because I don’t have the cards. So pleeeeeeease can I just have this one???? Please please please? It’s just one pack and it’s the small one. Not the big one. The mba said it costs 55.000. Pleeeeeeeeeeease? I will be very happy if you buy me one.”

Now. Tell me how a mother could resist such a sweet and polite request from her super cute angelic-looking daughter? And she had a reason too. A good but quite saddening reason. I didn’t know that peer pressure already comes at this stage, 3rd grade. So yes, I bought her a small pack of Pokemon cards. Kukka was very, very happy. I could see the happiness and excitement on her face more than that day when her Bapa bought her a bicycle :)) Afterwards we went to have dinner. Like always, she picked a Japanese restaurant. The restaurant was so full but we were lucky. There was a table for two. While waiting for our dinner to come, Kukka opened the cards and explained them to me one-by-one. To be honest, I didn’t understand it at all. But I went along and asked her questions about them. Then while we were having our dinner, we had our usual girl talk. I asked Kukka if she and her beloved Bapa have secrets that I don’t know about. She answered yes. I said good. It means that she and I could have our secrets too that Bapa doesn’t have to know about. She said yes and we laughed so loud and gave each other a high-five.

While we were having dinner, I had the chance to look around and see the people at the other tables. One thing I’ve noticed and it made me sad... I’ve noticed that maybe 95% of the guests at this restaurant were holding and concentrating on their cellphones. Most of the guests were families. Some with small kids, some with big ones. Some were probably husbands and wives, some maybe lovers. Almost all of them were so busy with their cellphones instead of talking to each other. Right next to our table there were a teenage girl and her mom. Both were busy with their cellphones. And because our tables were so close, I could practically see that they were chatting. Obviously not with each other. The mother who sat close to me? She was chatting via Whats app. Yes. The seats were THAT close. But not close enough for me to be able to read what she was typing :)) And then suddenly I felt so sad...

So this is what we have become... Instead of spending a nice time together, looking eye-to-eye, having coffee, sharing secrets and slices of cakes, people are having conversations with somebody who isn’t there AND ignoring the one who sits right in front of them. Nowadays lots of people would rather talk with others using chat apps instead with the ones who are actually sitting next to them. Or even worse, many use their cellphones to play games instead of having conversations... I don’t know... Maybe I’m thinking too much about it. Maybe deep down inside I AM an old soul, who would rather snuggle under a blanket together in silence than exchanging love messages via cellphones. I’d choose walking hand in hand anywhere over sending selfies from everywhere.

I don’t know... I’m just sad. Really sad and worried. They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Well... I think you know exactly what you have. You just think that you'll never ever going to lose it...

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Dear Kukka: Have fun!

So... I'm writing this after we finally got to talk over the phone, baby girl. For your information I've been waiting for that phone call since... Well... Since you got inside and sit on the bus this morning!

Yes, Kukka... I'm starting to miss and worry about you since the last time we waved goodbye to each other this morning. I still can picture your face on the bus window. I know you were excited to go camping with your friends and teachers. But somehow I also saw that sad-worry expression on your face. And your questions from last night? I remember them very well. Last night our pillow talk was more into QA session. You said "I'm so sad I'm going to leave you. What if you get a seizure and Bapa is not home yet? You're all alone at home..."

What have I done to deserve you? Such a loving and caring daughter. Maybe you can't understand this right now but someday... When you're older, when you have a family of your own, when you have children of your own, you'll understand. You will understand my feelings right now. They're all mixed up. I'm proud, I'm amazed, I'm happy and yes, I'm sad. I'm sad that you have to worry about me that much. I'm sad that you have to think about the bad "What if"s about me. I'm sad to see your worried face when you hugged me and said "Don't have a seizure!" before getting into the bus. I'm sad to hear your first question over the phone was "Are you okay, Bubu?" 

Alhamdulillah I've managed to assure you that I am okay. That you shouldn't worry about me. Yes, after dropping you off at school I did have a minor episode but I also took a very long and much needed nap. So now I am fine. Really! And you made me really happy when you finally started to tell me about your day so far. You said "I'm okay! I miss you too but I'm having so much fun! I'm catching animals and stuff! I catch worms, grasshoppers, fishes and stuff! I miss you, Bubu! Bye!"

3 minutes. Yes, the connection was bad but from your voice I could hear that you were not that interested in talking to me too long #LOL I totally understand, baby! I can't wait until tomorrow so I can shower you with hugs and kisses again until you say "Stop it, Bubu! Okay, that's enough!"I'm sure you have tons of fun right now and I'm so happy to know it. The latest photo I received is you and your friends were sitting by the bonfire, wearing raincoats and singing. So I guess it was...raining? And just now your teacher just informed the parents that you and your friends are already in your tents and ready to go to sleep. 

Well, good night, my precious Godsend... Sweet dreams. We'll see each other again tomorrow, okay? Kisses.