Thursday, April 13, 2017

Dream, Dream, Go Away. Never Come Again In Any Other Day.

Have you ever had a dream that is so, so sad, you wake up having actual tears in your eyes? Then you couldn't stop sobbing and panting for quite a while... Not until you finally realized that it was just a dream. A sad one. A very, very sad one.
 
Lately I've been having that kind of a dream. Or should I say a nightmare? I don't know why... Sadly (or luckily?) I couldn't really remember what the dream was. Not always. All I can remember that it always involves me losing someone I love. Once it was about the death of someone who I loved very much and the saddest part is... He is actually already passed away. It was like experiencing the sadness all over again... Another time the nightmare was about me...losing my mom...
 
There is one particular dream that I do remember though. Even to this second. I guess it was THAT scary and sad to me... It was about Kukka. We were in this big and empty building... I held Kukka's hand and we were trying to find out how to get out. The building...or was it an old, creepy house? It looked like a typical old house or abandoned building that you see in horror movies. Anyways... Suddenly, somehow Kukka was gone. When I looked at my side and I looked at my hand, Kukka wasn't there. I wasn't holding her hand anymore. I started to panic. I ran in and out of the rooms inside that big empty building. I screamed and called Kukka's name like million times. Nothing. All I could hear was the echo of my voice, screaming my precious godsend's name. I was out of breath and sweating like crazy... And then I woke up. Crying, sweating, panting, out of breath. For real.
 
The first time I had this kind of nightmare I immediately ran to Kukka's bedroom to check her out. I was so relieved when I saw her still sleeping safe and sound. I hugged Kukka and I started to kiss her until she almost woke up. Then I stopped. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her sweet face. And while doing it I remember that I was still crying... But I guess it was tears of happiness. I was happy that it was just a dream... Well... Happy is not the right word. Because even though it was a dream, it did drain my energy and my emotion. And it's not a very nice thing to feel.
 
Unfortunately that was not the first and the last nightmare I had. As a matter of fact, I just had one this morning. And again, I woke up in tears, still sobbing and panting. Luckily Hubster woke me up and asked me to sit with him on the patio. Just like that I stopped sobbing and woke up like nothing happened. Perfect timing, Schatz :) What was the nightmare about? Luckily I can't remember the detail. But like I said. It was about me losing Kukka. Again.
 
Man, this sucks. Why can't I just dream about something happy? Like... Well I don't know... Traveling around the world? Suddenly speaking 10 languages fluently? Magically being able to make beautiful paintings? Being able to go back and forth to the past to fix the future? Anything! Anything but about me losing my precious godsend. That one dream, I tell 'ya! It really is the one that I wish would never ever come true. 
 
 


Monday, April 10, 2017

Doc Rocksy menjelaskan:

Otak adalah bagian tubuh yang paling misterius dan paling complex. Memori yang akan balik lagi sangat acak. Tidak bisa ditebak atau dikira-kira. Memori sebelum-selagi-setelah sakit sebetulnya ada, tersimpan, terkunci di dalam otak. Tapi belum tentu bisa dibuka. Kalau pun terbuka, tidak bisa ditentukan kapan/yang mana yang akan diingat lagi. Sel-sel otak yang rusak dalam waktu setahun ke depan akan recover/regenerating.
 
Masalah memori: ada yang membaik, ada yang sama saja. Bahkan hasil tes untuk short term memory ada yang masih kurang bagus/sedikit memburuk. Hari, tanggal, bulan dan tahun masih sering mencontek. Sebaliknya, kadang kejadian yang sudah lama, dikira baru saja terjadi atau tidak diingat sama sekali. Mungkin memang ada kejadian-kejadian yang sebaiknya dilupakan? 
 
Kejang: masih random. Biasanya diawali dengan mual, ingin muntah, mata melotot/blank dan rasa dingin secara mendadak. Terutama yang muncul akibat masalah pikiran. Kejang yang disebabkan oleh cape fisik sudah membaik karena sudah bisa "menakar" kemampuan diri sendiri. Kalau seharian sudah beraktifitas, besoknya sebaiknya istirahat total. Yang masih berbahaya adalah kejang yang disebabkan oleh pikiran. 

Jika tidak terserang kejang dalam waktu setahun ke depan berarti sudah boleh tidak minum obat lagi. Sementara ini obat masih harus dikonsumsi sampai 2018. Terapi Canabis Oil: untuk pasien penderita penyakit Parkinson, yang secara fisik kaku. Bukan yang bermasalah dengan ingatan. Tidak dianjurkan. Kalau menjalani terapi ini nanti justru jadi "terlalu santai", stoned, tidak berusaha mengingat. Padahal justru otak harus terus dilatih. Menulis diary/blog dan membaca buku adalah kegiatan yang sangat bagus. Usahakan jangan mencontek catatan! Sebaiknya lebih sering berkumpul dengan teman dan keluarga yang bisa memberikan masukan positif, jalan-jalan sendirian, kerjakan lagi kegiatan yang dulu sering dan senang dilakukan. Hal ini baik untuk melatih ingatan dan juga mengembalikan kepercayaan diri. Konsultasi dengan psikolog adalah salah satu terapi yang baik.

Analisa pribadi: jangan-jangan kejang muncul lagi justru karena memori semakin membaik? Jadinya teringat kejadian yang tidak menyenangkan/menyedihkan/mengesalkan, yang justru membuat kejang dan sehabis itu jadi lupa lagi. Lah terus jadinya gimana dong???? LOL LOL LOL!!!!!