Tuesday, January 02, 2018


It's been 23 days since my last post. That's too long. I don't know why... But lately I've lost my passion to write and I don't know why. That is not good. Not good at all. First it's because writing is something that I actually REALLY LOVE. Some might even say that I'm good at it. Second it's sort of a therapy for me. Especially for my memory. But now it's more than that. And that is the reason why I'm back "here" and I intend to be back more often. Or at least just like the old days. 

I realize that these couple of days my fingers/hand or my legs and my brain don't synchronize very well with each other. They simply don't work together very well anymore. It started with simple things like for example texting. Lately I've made lots of mistakes while typing messages. In my mind I intend to type A but I type B instead. Imagine how messed up that sort of mistake can be in a message :D Or sometimes I also misunderstand the message I receive because I overlook some words. Or again, instead of reading C I see D.

At home I often walk around because I forget where I want to go. Or I intend to go to the bathroom but I go to the kitchen instead. Then I would stand in the kitchen, walk around the island because I am confused. I don't know what I want to do or what I want to take. This problem is really annoying when I go shopping. Not only I forget what I want to buy and who I am with, I'm also lost between the aisles. I try to take this problem lightly by strolling around, looking at some stuff and just chill. So going to the supermarket has become like some kind of a relaxation for me. But not for the people who are with me. Usually Kukka and our maid Dewi are the ones who become worried or panic when I'm out of their sight. 

Texting long messages or writing like *this* is also difficult for me now. Because sometimes my fingers just won't type the words that I have in my mind. It's like the fingers have their own will. Maybe when you're reading my post here you''ll find repeated words or sentences. If you do, then you understand more what I'm talking about here. That is also the reason why I don't fix the mistakes I might have made in this posting. I want you to know how am I really doing now... And it's also for me. By reading this post, unedited, I can see how am I doing now. 

I haven't tell my doctor about this yet but I will. I already put it on my journal so I won't forget. There are times when I find it funny. But then after awhile when I think about it more... It's actually scary. Don't you think?