Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Forgive me Blogger for I have sinned...

It's been 56 days since my last entry. 

And that is NOT good. It's not like I don't have anything interesting to write about or nothing cool to show off. It's just that... It's not...there. The passion to write. One of the things that I love more than anything. It's scary you know... It's sad. Losing passion. It's practically like you are losing yourself really... You don't want that. You shouldn't ever feel it. But well... There are some things you simply cannot avoid. The next step is to find it again. How? That's the big question. As for me... THIS is the answer.

Today I just start to write. To blog to be more precise. About anything that comes out of my mind. Anything that blurts out from my mouth. Yes, I do that sometimes. Especially when I'm alone. I talk to myself while I'm writing. Just like now. It makes writing much easier. It's also fun. Specifically while blogging :)) Try it. But do it whenever you're at home. You don't want people to think you're crazy, right? Now back to this losing passion thing. I don't think I ever feel this way about writing. I still write on my diary though. Sometimes I miss a day or two. But yeah... Besides the fact that it is sort of a must from my doc, writing on my diary is also fun. I love doing it the old way. On a nice looking diary and using a pen. I bring these two things wherever I go. I write while I'm sipping coffee in a cafe and observing my surrounding. Many times also when I'm looking at my beloved Godsend while she's playing with Moochi at home. Usually before I start to write on my diary, I go back a couple of pages or more. I read all the things I've written back in the days. The good and the bad ones. A lot of things could happen afterwards. Sometimes I would feel happy, even laugh outloud like crazy. But many times I also shed some tears. The good thing is after a couple of hours or even minutes later I would forget about the sad things I've written and read. Then I’d start to laugh again, take my pen and use it!

Apparently it's also been forever since the last time I've laughed a lot. How do I know this? Those who are close to me said so. Besides losing the passion to write, I've also lost the passion to have a good time. Why? I don't know. Nobody said anything about this either. You see... Almost all my life I've been known as this girl who likes to have a good time. Too much even. I did what I liked, what I wanted, how I wanted, when and with whoever I chose. No regrets. Well... Not 100% but yeah... But one day, I still don't know why, somehow it changed. I changed. Not in a good way. But now I want to change back to my oldself. So besides (trying) not to give a shit about annoying, insignificant stuff, I start to do the things I love such as:

1. Going to the cinema.

Those who know me wouldn't be too surprised. I LOVE to watch movies. It's one of my biggest hobbies other than writing and drawing. Not only binge watching movies on tv and serials on iPad, I also love going to the cinema. I love to watch new movies on a big screen, in a big theater while munching popcorn and sipping milkshake. Lately I've been doing this particular hobby alone. Why alone? You see... The problem is neither my husband nor my daughter share the same hobby. They can be sooooo boring! Whenever they have some spare time, all they want to do is play game on their computers from dusk ‘til dawn. Meh. But okay. Fine with me. I don't have any problems going to the movies all by myself. It's actually more fun because whenever I watch with Hubster, he always has something to complain about. -_-  Me? I just watch. If the movie turns out to be bad then... #shrug 

2. Me-Timing. This involves enjoying a good book and a decent cup of coffee in a small cafe or browsing books in the book stores. Sometimes I go shopping and check out some new shoes or clothes (Unlike my husband, I don't do this too often :p). Yes. I do have friends. I don't have many of them who I want to spend time with but... Yeah... Most of the time I would rather be by myself. Am I loner? Well I wouldn't say that but... I don't know. Lately I don't know how to behave whenever I'm in a crowd. I don't know what to say or what not to say. I don't know what to wear, what not to wear. I don't know what's in and what's...out. I don't know whether I should laugh or smile, frown or just "Meh." The worst part is I find most people now are phonies, double-faced and annoying like... Big time. I'm afraid the level of my tolerance would suddenly drop to zero. God forbid I'd start to say inappropriate things in return whenever somebody says or does something I don't like. Hence the spending time alone thing is more appealing. And safer :D 

3. Cooking. I've already blogged about this. So I will not write about it again. If you want to know just click this :) 

4. Painting/Drawing. I've also already blogged about this. Sadly to say I didn't finished the Drawtober :( Although I swore that I would finished it. But I will start drawing again. I promise!!! Starting with the painting upstairs which has already been neglected since... I don't know when. 

5. Taking and printing pictures. Choosing the best ones, print and hang them on the walls around the house. This so-called project has been neglected too long. We've been living in this house since 2010 (?) yet there's only 1 big frame with small pictures on the living room wall. I want more. I want Kukka's baby pictures, our wedding pictures, family pictures and also the paintings that I will be making (Wish me luck! LOL). 

6. Last but not least... Finishing my writing. I can't tell you much about this... But as you as my witness, I will finish it! So help me god! :))