Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Dear Kukka: It's about love

People say that if you loved someone, you would and could talk about the person you love every second in a day. Imagine if that love would last for a life time. It means that you’d be gushing about your loved one until the day you die. 

That is exactly what’s happening to me. 

As you know, you’re not the only one who has new friends over the past six months. As you’ve gained a lot of new friends in your new school, so did I. “The Moms”, you called them. You know, those are the people I’m spending my time with when you’re at school, whom I have breakfast with, share my thoughts and swap stories. Yes, sweetie. Every day :)) Sometimes you would ask me what I do with The Moms. Besides having a quite massive amount of breakfast and caffeine intake (on my side), stalking celebrities on Instagram and shop things which have the price range of Rp 50 thousand to Rp 2mio, we also do a lot of talking. About what, you asked me one day. Unfortunately there are some subjects that I can’t share to you just yet due to its inappropriateness. But today I just realized that most of the time, obviously, inevitably, free-willingly, naturally, and happily, we talk about our kids. 

About you. 

Like today, for instance. Again, for the gazillionth times, I was telling the story about how you came into my life. The process, the waiting, the hoping, the tears, the laughters, the whole ordeal. And you know, every time I’m reliving those moments, the more I realized how lucky I am that Allah have decided to send you to me. My closest friends once told me it all happened because I was commited and strong-willed. 

Yes, I wanted you. Very much. I wanted you so bad, it hurt. The pain of wanting you was more excruciating than all the things I had to go through to be able to have you. Oh baby, I would go through those things over and over again if I had to, in a second! Oh yeah, that’s me I guess. If I wanted something so bad, I just had to have it. Sounds familiar? :p

Well, look at what my persistence has lead me to?! Of course, to the most wonderful child in the/my world. You are the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow after a stormy day. The happiness molecules that were streaming in my blood when I had you inside my tummy must have been good for you. Because here you are, all happy and healthy, smart and cheerful, caring and lovable. My shalihah little Godsend :)

My love for you is big and my will to protect you is also as enormous. I have the size of strength and courage I never knew existed in me. And with Allah’s permission, I will use them to keep you safe and to make sure that you will get your rights and all the things you deserve. Whatever it takes. My own life, if necessary. So that you can value your life and live it to the fullest. 

Babycakes, there will come a time when you probably wouldn’t understand some of the things that I did or do or will do. Some might look unreasonable or even somewhat hurtful to you. But I hope one day you could open your eyes, mind and heart. I sure hope that one day you will realize that this... All of THIS is about you. Always.

Because when I'm with you, I'm living. Anywhere else, I'm merely surviving. 

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