One or None

I have one child. Only one. And no, I don’t have any plans to add another. Unless of course Allah SWT. decides otherwise. But no. My one and only child is Kukka. So please stop asking or telling me to have another. I know your intentions might be well. But stop. Just stop. 

First of all, it’s rude. Adding another child or not is a private matter. You don’t know what a couple have to go through to have a child. You don’t know why a couple decide not to have another child or one at all for that matter. You don’t know whether there are any complications between them. You don’t know about their health conditions. You just don’t know and you don’t have any right to know. By asking this question you make the couple, or at least one of them, feel vulnerable. Some may even feel obligated to answer. 

Second, if “Kapan Kukka dikasih adik?” is your idea of basa-basi, you should stop right there. Seriously. I don’t need and never been a fan of small talks. If you don’t have anything say to me, then don’t say anything. Keep calm and walk away. I won’t be offended. If you are truly my friend, you will have many other things to say to me.

Finally, I strongly believe that not all mothers deserve to have their children. Having one only defines you as a person who could give birth to a child. But not necessarily a mother. A mother to me is a person who raises you, nurtures you, feeds your body and soul, listens to you, scolds you for your best interests, loves you to the point where it looks more like showing off, and protects you with her life without second thoughts. 

I only have one child but I dedicate my life to her. I’m giving her my time, my strength, my energy, my thoughts, my values, my knowledge, my fortune, my pride, my love. Unconditionally. I celebrate her well-being and I work hard to fix her flaws. I’m doing my best to raise Allah’s precious amanah. Meanwhile there are children who are practically raised by their nannies or gadgets, un/intentionally ignored by their parents, working or stay-at-home ones, rich or poor. If you can’t or won’t raise one child as best as you can, why bother to have another one or two or even three? 

I rather focus on raising Kukka so she can be a valuable person, to herself and others. I might not be the best mom in the world but Allah knows how hard I try every single day. I prefer to have ONE shalihah daughter than 2 or 3 children whom I can not raise well. Children who could grow into adults with no hearts and brains. Adults who betray, hurt, start wars or steal from other people. 

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what my daughter will do or be in the next 15 years. What life-changing decisions she will make and what kind of chaos she will create. But I do know that, in shaa Allah, every little thing I’m giving her right now will not go to waste. One day it will shape her into the person I wish she will become. A good one. 

Amin.