Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Missing Links

Lately I’ve been trying to collect the parts that have been missing from my memory chain. Based on my blog posts, the months of April and early May are missing. And no, I’m not making this up. I really don’t remember what went on during those period of time. That’s why I’m writing this. I’m hoping that you can help me because I really want to know. Why? Just for the sake of fulfilling my satisfaction. And...because to me not knowing about things...sucks. And hey, maybe it will do some good for my health :)


Let’s start with the first time I got sick. Hubster took me to the hospital and I had to stay there for several days. All I know is that I was admitted to the RS Premier Bintaro because I was suspected of catching the dengue. Which of course as we all know by now, it turned out to be a false diagnosis. Then I got out and at some point was admitted again but in a different hospital, which was Siloam Hospital. April is gone, no blog posts at all. In May there’s one posting only and that was on the 31st. Aaaaaand on that date I already wrote about what happened to me, which means that the major drama happened in.... Mid March - April until early May? 

NOW....!!! What happened exactly? I would love to know the sequence but it seems that all of *this* is quite traumatic for those who are close to me. It’s not very easy to get straight answers from them but I do want to know. So.... Do YOU know what happened to me? When did you found out? How did you hear the news about me being ill? Were you there in the hospital? Did you visit me? Was I awake or unconscious? What did you have in mind when you saw me lying on the hospital bed? Have you ever thought that I was not gonna make it? Did you hold my hand? Did I hold yours back?

Can you fulfill my curiosity? :) 

9 comments:

Eka Dwibhakti said...

Aku tau bubu dirawat di RS krn demam berdarah dari Path. Liat postingan bubu dijenguk dan pulang juga di Path.

Gak lama setelah pulang dr RS, keke posting di Path, postingannya sedih gitu, something about, "Dol bangun Dol kita main lagi.. " lupa persisnya, yg kuingat katanya bubu gak sadarkan diri.

Aku inget hari sabtu pagi dijemput temen kantorku yg mantan anak JWT namanya Ade Prabas, dia kenal Ica. Kita memang sempet ngobrol di kantor soal mau jenguk bubu.

Sampai di Ramsay, ada dua orang lagi anak JWT, namanya Ali dan Arsyad, kecuali aku dan Ali, Arsyad dan Ade gak kenal bubu secara langsung, kecuali tau kalo bubu istrinya Ica. Dan mereka nyempetin nengokin bubu, kebetulan Keke jg ngabarin kalo bubu udah sadarkan diri.

Sampai di rumah sakit sekitar jam setengah 10 pagi. Bubu udah gak di ICCU tapi masih di ruangan yg sama. Yang boleh masuk hanya 2 orang, jadi yang masuk duluan aku sama Ali.

Pas mau masuk kita ketemu Ica, kata Ica bubu udah sadar tapi masih letih banget dan butuh istirahat, jadi dia pesan kita jangan lama-lama supaya bubu bisa istirahat.

Begitu ketemu bubu, aku ngeliat bubu udah sadar tapi masih heavily sedated like you are still gathering conciousness. Bubu ngeliat ke arah kita, senyum tapi gak kenal kita, tapi mata bubu gak kosong, terlihat capek banget dan linglung. Trus bubu liatin tangan bubu dan selang infus yang nempel di punggung tangan lalu ngeliatin sekeliling ruangan. Bubu ngelakuin itu berulang-ulang lebih dari 3 kali berturut-turut. Like you're already forget that you just looked at your hands and the room all over again. Disitulah aku gak kuat banget, aku nangis, Ali salah tingkah karena baru kenal aku hari itu di rumah sakit, dan gada tissue, dan orang-orang yg lg jengukin pasien di bed sebelah bubu liatin aku, bingung kenapa aku nangis pdahal bubu sadar. Tapi aku mau gimana, bubu you just smiled at us and looked at your hands and the room again. Aku sempet kepikir gimana kalo bubu lupa semua pengalaman kita di Neo dan semua hal menyenangkan yang kita punya walo itu cuma sebentar, i'm afraid that you will forget about me and i can't stand that feeling.

Kita cuma sekitar 5 menit di dalam krn inget Ica bilang jgn lama2. Aku bilang, bubu cepet sembuh ya, dengan air mata dan ingus meleleh trus kita keluar.

Di luar aku ketemu Ica dan aku nanya awal bubu masuk RS. Ica cerita soal bubu kejang di kamar mandi dan Ica teriak manggil satpam buat bantuin bawa bubu ke RS. Ica bilang itu momen yg paling menakutkan dalam hidupnya karena dia pikir bubu udah pergi malam itu. Ica bilang ini bukan epilepsi dan bubu lagi dites buat liat apakah ini meningitis (yg ternyata bukan juga).

Abis itu aku pulang. Dan curhat sama Keke di WA.

Oh ya ada satu kejadian yg bikin sport jantung banget. Besokannya pas lagi makan siang, Keke mendadak nelpon. Waktu aku liat nama Keke di HP aku langsung panas dingin karena aku pikir bubu kenapa-kenapa or worse, died. Pas aku angkat, Keke bilang, maaf Ka, salah sambung, maksud gue bukan Eka elu��


Hope my story helps your curiosity ya..����

Reza Anwar said...

This all happened in 2015...
March 12—First seizure
March 13—Visited you in the ICU. Cried and cried afraid you weren't gonna make it
March 15—You woke up. Was relieved. Showed you a pict of Cookie at my house to which you in a hoarse voice said “Itu siapa?”
March 16—Out of the ICU
March 19—Transfer to Siloam. Just the two of us in ambulance. You read everything that could be read including those that couldn't be. Teteh told me her b'day didn't feel like a b'day cuz mood was so somber
March 21—Met dr. Rocksy for first time. Search for IVIG starts
March 21–22—Your darkest hours. Stayed up w/ you all nite holding your hand (so you wouldn't pull your IV out). You kept on telling me you were late for a meeting at Neo (yes, every 10 minutes during the whole nite)
March 22—IVIG starting to be administered
March 26—Homecoming ��

Painful two weeks but blessed still becuz got to have pillow fight w/ Cookie every nite before she went to bed ☺️

Anonymous said...

Ich hoffe es geht dir gut und wünsche dir einen schönen Tag TRAUMFRAU!!!!!

Pakde Lukman said...

Pagi Bubu😄 saya sudah baca Blog Bubu yg terakhir. Sedih juga. Saya cari2 catatan momen2 terakhir sebelum bubu masuk RS Bintaro. Kalau nggak salah saat itu saya nawarin kerumah bubu hari jumat siang. Bubu bilang nggak bisa karena mau nginep di senayan mau merayakan aniversary perkawinan bubu. Kondisi bubu sudah menurun krn selama nginap sudah mulai demam. Lalu bubu berobat ke dokter. Hasilnya diduga gejala DB. Hari minggunya ternyata bubu jatuh pingsan lalu dibawa ke Rs. Bintaro. Hari selasa siang saya dapat telp dari mbak Ayu teman kak Reza yg mengabarkan kalau bubu Diopname. Saya tanya mbak Keke yg membenarkan berita tsb. Selasa sore jam 5 saya bezook bubu. Di Rs saya ketemu mbak Erna yg lagi jaga bubu. Melihat kondisi bubu saat itu saya benar2 kaget. Nggak terasa airmata keluar dari mata saya. Saya tanya sama bubu apa kenal sama saya ? Tapi sepertinya bubu nggak ngenali saya. Saya pegang tangan dan kepala bubu sambil terus berdoa semoga bubu kuat. Jam 17.00 mas Ica datang dan menyuruh mbak Erna makan diluar. Habis maghrib saya pulang dari RS. saat itu bubu melambaikan tangan waktu saya pamit pulang.

Sebenarnya saya mau besuk lagi hari kamis. Tapi saya dpt kabar dari mbak Keke ternyata bubu sudah dipimdah ke Siloam. Kemudian saya ngabari mbak Dinda. Dia pergi bezook ke siloam tapi nggak boleh masuk. Kata mbak Dinda bubu perlu istirahat banyak.

Anonymous said...

Bei dir ist alles Okay, I MISS YOU TRAUMFRAU
Ich will dich festhalten und niemals loslassen, das Leben ist oft nicht fair

Dinda Jou said...

you were admitted to the hospital because of dengue. I saw your pics from path, that your friends were visiting you. I did not visit you because it was just impossible to leave my babyboy :( And then you got better and you were released and went home.

But after that, i did not hear anything from you or see you in path. It was unusual, i thought. But hey, probably you were having good rest at home so i did not bother you.

but then the news hit me. it came from Pakde, asking me if i know about you? I felt like a very bad friend that i didn't know anything. Pakde said you were admitted to the hospital again and you can't remember many things. i was like whaaattt??? It cant be!

So i was frantically trying to get more information, and i got Erna's number. terus Mbak erna cerita kalau setelah keluar dari RS (karena dengue itu), kamu kejang-kejang, lalu dibawa lagi ke RS, dan kemudian kamu nggak sadarkan diri sampai tiga hari. Dan saat kamu sadar, kamu banyak lupa. Mbak Erna sudah lihat kamu dan dia cerita kalau kamu kadang inget hal yang sudah lama tapi kadang lupa sama hal yang baru.

Terus aku ke RS untuk lihat kamu. I really wanted to see you. I brought Malik along, i thought he could cheer you up, or something. Tapi waktu aku sampe di RS, i could not meet you. The nurse said you were restless, and i could hear you were crying from outside the door, and i was crying too. I waited for hours, hoping you got better so that i could see you. But i guess it was still impossible.

I met your brother, tho. He explained the same thing as Mbak Erna. but he added, that physically, there's nothing wrong with you (well, it was a month ago, so perhaps it was still unclear, i don't know about now). But he believed that you have been holding something/thoughts for too long, and your body (and mind) could not handle it any longer.

It made sense to me. I think the dengue triggered it. your body became weak. to me, it looks as if you had some bad memories that you've been keeping for way too long, and when you were weak, the mind snaps. As if you want to erase some bad memories, but then you also erased other things. and knowing you, sadly, i think you have been holding something. You promised me you would tell me, but then i was pregnant, and having baby, so i guess you did not want to "bother" me

:_(

wulliewullie said...

You celebrated your anniversary in a hotel in Senayan. After that, you were hospitlized because of the dengue fever. You took picture with your girls (nabila, astri, yuniko) and upin ipin balloon. You said you were so shocked seeing the ballon suddenly popped out of the curtain. You felt grateful, you said many people loved you and visited you at the hospital. The last photo i remembered from your path was you parents came visited you.

After that, i had been wondering why suddenly no selfies of you on path. Until one night, a friend told me to take a peep on keke's fb status. Something lile "wake up! Please."

I never spoke to keke before, but i knew she was ur bestie and i thought you wouldnt mind to tell me what had happened to you.

I sent her a message via fb, asking her number and we chat.

I came to the hospital, together with ali and rio. We are the ex greys. I met astri too, thanks to your pics on path so i could recognise her. We got in to the iccu together. There were ica too. He said you were still sedated.

You looked tired, looked around with empty look. Just the look of a newborn. You didnt remember me and astri. I said "cepet sembuh frik, caramel kamu udah jadi." ... And ica suddenly said "tunggu tunggu... Kayanya dia inget tuh sama caramel." ... You looked into my eyes for a very short moment ... And you're gone again. I shed a tear. I remember kukka and think about her. Wondered what if it was happening to me. Still shed tears till now if i remember the feeling.

Then i went home. I asked about your progress thru bubu santy and keke. Was too afraid to ask you personally. Till this day.

Semoga cepat sembuh farika. I cannot imagine what you have been going through, but Im here.

Smangat!

:)

Reza Anwar said...

The only thing worth missing in life is memory of the average chinless skank (yeah YOU who are reading YOU can quote me on that).

Ani Sinam said...

Sekitar bulan April itu, abis aku resign dari dentsu strat, smpt beberapa kali mo.janjian breakfast brg kamu di citos. Blm sempat kejadian eh kamu kena dengue.
Aku janjian sm teh Heni mo jenguk di RS tp kamun.ya udh pulang. Besok paginya aku di-whatsapp teh heni kamu msk rs lagi. ICU pula. Katanya nggak sadarkan diri abs jatuh kejang2 di kmr mandi.

Siangnya aku sm teh heni ke rs. Kita gak bisa msk ruang ICU krn jam besuknya udh abis. Kita akhirnya ngobrol2 sama Ica & ua eza. Ica bilang sehari sblmya itu kamu banyakan tidur aja. Trus paginya abs ica pulang shooting dia dgr suara brisik dr kamar mandi. Ternyata kamu udh jatuh & kejang2. Mo nangis rasanya dgr cerita Ica
Aku sama teh Heni jenguk kamu lagi nih waktu tau kamu udh.keluar dr ICU. Yeay!
Pas nyampe sana ada Conny juga. Di kunjungan ke-2 ini akhirnya aku bs ktm geng ibu2 cikal kamu dlm wujud 4 dimensi! �� biasanya kan liat mrk di postingan path km aja.

Di sini kita ngobrol ketawa2 sih tapi sambil sedih juga. Krn kita tau ingatan kamu blom pulih benar. Katanya memori kamu msh stuck di era presiden SBY. Dlm hati aku takut jg kamu nggak inget aku. Apalagi interaksi.kita banyakan di dunia maya ��milis copymakers-multiply-facebook-twitter-path.

Kyknya gak ada memori signifikan di dunia nyata yg bisa bikin kamu inget sama aku.
Kamu berkali2 bilang terima kasih sm kita semua krn udh dtg jenguk. Kita pamit pulang krn kamu msh hrs byk istirahat. Begitu keluar kamar, mata langsung berkaca2. Takut kamu nggak bisa ingat apa2 lagi ��

Ada momen lucu tapi getir waktu mo pulang. Aku tanya sm teh heni, ada makanan enak apa di sekitar bintaro sini. Secara teh heni warga bintaro murtad �� dia bingung dah. Yg paling tau area sini sihh yaa...Farika. Waktu kamu dipindahin ke siloam karawaci aku gak sempat jengukin lagi.

Tiap buka timeline path berasa ada yg ilang. Kok gak ada foto kuka? Kok gak ada foto sarapannya farika? Kok farika gak posting foto selfienya? �� nggak ding...yg terakhir boong, hehehhe. Etapi pas km mulai ngepath lagi seneng juga sih liat selfiemu seliweran kembali, hihihihi.

Setelah beberapa minggu nggak dgr kabar lagi, eh tau2 km ngelike foto aku di path. Aku smp.kaget dan lsg visit path. Tapi kembali mo nangis pas baca postingan kamu yg kebingungan. Cuma bisa doain kamu dr jauh biar diberi kesembuhan yg terbaik dari Allah.

Dari.jaman baca blog kamu di multiply, dari cerita gmn gigihnya usaha kamu buat pny anak & akhirnya kukka lahir, aku tau kamu pantang menyerah, frikaa. Karena peristiwa kamu ini, aku jadi dpt pelajaran berharga. Utk lebih sering2 menyapa teman2 aku apalagi kalau yg jarang ktm. Jgn smp ada yg sakit/meninggal dulu baru ketemuan.
Itu makanya wkt tau kamu udh makin membaik, aku bela2in buat mampir ke rumahmu. Alhamdulillah timeline.path pun.kembali "normal" �� malah skrg ada tambahan, foto masakan bi yeni, hehehe.

Stay strong, frikaa ���� #teambubu always rooting for you ����������