Tuesday, December 01, 2015

Dear Kukka: I'm Sorry

Mein Liebling. Mein Schatz. 
Today please give me some time to explain and to apologize to you. It’s about you and me. It’s about me as your mother. It’s about your right as my daughter. It’s about what should’ve been. It’s about what has to be done. 

Meine Liebe Kukka, my apology to you is actually already long overdue but alhamdulillah ALLAH still gives me time to do it. Well, actually right now I’m still doing it on writing... But I promise as soon as you come home from school today, I will apologize to you personally. 

My precious Godsend,
Minutes ago, when I was on my iPhone, like always, checking about useless stuff online, something just...hit me. Something slammed my conscious. I can’t remember what it was or how it started but I’m starting to think about us. About me as your mother. I hope it’s not too late but I just realize that... I am not a good mother. Not good enough. Why?

Because instead of being with you, most of the time I’m pretty much fixated by my social medias’ friends. Laughing at their jokes and not your funny stories. Which I know you actually have a lot to share... But sadly many times I just hear them out. But not really listening to you... 

Because when I’m with you, a lot of times I’m busy chatting with my friends on my chat apps instead of asking you about how your day was at school, your friends, your hobbies. Or about many other things. Like those Puffles you love so much. 

I’m so sorry because you have to call me more than one time to get my attention while I’m busy editing photos instead of admiring your super sweet face... Which is right there in front of me. Already perfectly created by THE ALMIGHTY.

Dear Kukka... 
Mein Ein und Alles. My everything. I’m writing this post while you’re still at school. But I promise as soon as you come home, I will put my iPhone down, shut down my Mac and start apologizing to you. I will tell you that I’m sorry and I hope you will give me another chance to start over. 

I love you, my precious Godsend. Let’s make our relationship as mother and daughter much better, okay? And I’ll show you that I can also be fun like your beloved Bapa. Or maybe even more!!! :p 


I showed Kukka this blog post and I didn't expect this kind of reaction from her. My precious Godsend cried... And while I was wiping tears from her eyes, she said: "Because it's so sad... It's like you... It's so sad..." And this was her expression while reading it. My sweet, beautiful, sensitive precious Godsend :) 


rori syarif said...

Selalu suka tulisan kamu:)

Yolanda FIrdaus said...

#selfreminder buat akuw... tenkiuw mbaa..kiskis buat kukka

Tita Carles said...

Love this post! Aku juga gitu, sampe kadang anak jerit2, ya Allah.. I have to throw away my phone! :))