Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Dear Kukka: Live The Moment

You know how much I love to take photos, right? Especially of you. I love it too much that now it looks like it’s starting to bother you. Lately you’d cover up your face with your hands whenever I aim my iPhone camera on you. And while doing it, you’d say “Never!”, stick out your tongue and do that funny wrinkly thingy with your super cute nose. I used to be able to “force” you to take pictures. But now??? Many times I’ve failed. You’re a strong-willed little kid, that I’ve noticed. When you say no, it means... Well... No. I wonder where you got that particular trait from. #leeringatSiBapa 

So as I was saying... Lately I’ve failed to take pictures of you. The ones that I wanted. It makes me sad because to me it feels like I’m losing moments that I want to store forever. Your Bubu is a sentimental and sensitive woman. Go check my closet. I’m sure you can find restaurant receipts, some trinkets and lots of other meaningless stuff that I’ve kept since centuries ago. And all of them must have something to do with a special someone, moment, or...anything! 

Same thing as writing in my diary. And blogging. And tweeting. And Facebooking. And Instagraming. And Pathing. And so on. I do all of that because I want to keep all those special moments that I’ve been through with you. To me it’s all about storing memories. Not flaunting the places we’ve been or the persons we were with. It’s not about showing off your cuteness nor your intelligence. Nope. I do all of that for me. Not even for you or SiBapa. Only for me. Yes. I’m THAT selfish. Do you know how many times I wished I’ve recorded our conversations? Especially lately, when the things we talk about and the questions and comments you give are... Incredible. I always know you’re a very curious and smart girl. Objectively speaking, of course. But seriously, many times your questions and comments are just... Phenomenal. But... Like I said before. Lately I’ve failed to take your pictures, videos or voice. Because you didn’t allow me to and I’ve been wondering why. And then something happened. 

It was bedtime. 3 books later we turned off the light, lying side-by-side on the bed and held hands. And then you started to ask me questions. A lot of them. And it wasn’t kids stuff. Apparently you are already too smart for that, eh?! The questions you asked me... They blown me away. I was in awe and needed a couple of seconds before I could give you answers. I had to be very careful in answering because you, young lady, are also keen in giving sharp feedbacks. Then our Q&A conversation turned into some kind of a discussion. A very interesting one about all sort of stuff. Some were kids stuff, some were... Well... Pretty grown-up subjects. Our discussion was also fun and hilarious. The comments you gave, made me laugh so hard until tears were coming out of my eyes. Why? Because your comments were sharp, smart, funny and very much unpredictable. 

Slowly as the night drifted away, I heard your voice got softer, your questions and comments lesser and your breath heavier. Yet your hand held mine tighter and you snuggled up to me even closer. I kissed your head and I stroked your hair, while continuing telling stories. Mostly about you and me. Then I heard your soft snore and I looked at your sweet face. Seconds gone by and turned practically into minutes. Yet I still hadn’t have enough looking at you. You, my precious, are so pretty. To me you are the prettiest human being I’ve ever seen. I haven’t realize that you’ve grown this much. You don’t look like a baby anymore. You are now officially a “girl”. And then it hit me. 

All this time I've been too busy trying to record everything. I didn't fully enjoy the moments because I was constantly storing them. Yes, by this time, I can't recall every single thing we've talked about and my illness makes it even harder to remember. But I DO REMEMBER that we had so much fun yesterday evening before bed. I do remember I had to wipe my tears again and again because your comments were so funny. I do remember how smart you were. I do remember how you startled me and caught me off guard by your sharp questions. I do remember the feeling and the moment... It was... Beautiful. And most of all, irreplaceable

My beloved Godsend,
if you asked me now what kind of questions or comments you've made yesterday and how "serious" our pillow talk went, I'm sorry but I can't give you any answer. Why? Well... Because... You know heheh... Damn AE! But what I can tell you for sure is that we had fun. That we shared a beautiful moment together and we enjoyed every second of it. We might not remember everything but one thing is certain. 

We were living the moment. And we shall continue to do so. Until the end. 

*Picture above is not candid. Thank you for posing, baby #LOL


Sanny Tarudji said...

Tears on my eyes. Such a beautiful writing.

Farika said...

Aaaaaaw thank you soooo much, Sanny :*