"If It's Easy It's Probably Not Pilates"

I'm fat. I'm ill. And I'm lost. 

Things that used to be my favorites, my hobbies, my interests are gone. Or they're hidden deep inside my inner self and I can't, or won't get them out. Why? Oh just because. Such as? Well... The simplest thing is probably getting together with my friends. Or putting my fantasies into words while sitting in a little, unhip coffee shop where nobody can find me. I would sip my hot americano with delight and secretly looking at the other customers who are sitting next to me or outside the cafe. I would try to guess what kind of conversations that they're probably having. Then I would smile when one or two of them look at me, maybe wondering "Why is she here alone?". But now I can't do it anymore. Because I have to find something which is more...productive as one would say. Meanwhile on the other side of the town people keep saying that I should do things that makes me happy to be healthy. I told them I'm trying my best to be good, for myself and those I love. But it's never enough. Fear, worry and shame always linger around. So I keep trying. One thing at a time though. I guess starting by spending one day without having any kind of seizure. And to have a healthier body, I finally found an exercise which not only makes me stronger but also happy. Sometimes I can't believe I'm actually saying this but yes! I found a sport that I'm looking forward to do every week.

Pilates. I had pilates in 2 places but for some reason which I can't remember, it stopped. I think I took those classes before my brain got fucked up. Anyways... Years gone by. Then I found this place close to home. It's called House Of Pilates. One day I finally stopped by, had a conversation and then I signed up. I never regret it eversince. Who knew that my twice-a-week classes became my happy hours?! I mean I always knew that pilates is my favorite exercise. But it turns out that having the right instructor is also a major part in doing it. Kind of like having the right... Friend?

Satrio is his name. My pilates instructor. This kid is way younger than me. He calls me Kak, I call him Dek. He's not only a pilates instructor but also a physiotherapist. I guess like any other instructor, Satrio is very patient with his clients. But I think there's this positive vibe you get if you're around him. You'll hate him because of all the very tough moves he makes you do. But somehow you don't want to give up and you'll keep on trying. Even if there's a couple of tears involved. Maybe because there's more laughters than tears. Loud ones. Screams even. I never use bad words but he knows when I'm going to slur out complaints out of my mouth. This fun instructor of mine never take my protests seriously. On the contrary. He'd prepare the reformers with a smirk on his face while I'm complaining about the pain I feel all over my body because of the moves he made me do. Then he'd say "10 ya kak! Bisa!" Sigh... 

Was there ever any seizures involved? Yes but oddly enough, not very often. I mean while doing some tough moves I'll tell Satrio when I'm starting to feel funny. That something's going to happen. Then he would tell me to rest and I start again when I feel okay. But thankfully never once a heavy seizure happens during my pilates class. After an hour of fun time we say goodbye and I limp out of the class, trying hard to get into my car. Not even an hour later my annoying instructor send the videos and pictures of that day's session. 

Oh yes! Pictures and videos are a must! They are proofs of my strength, strongwill self and improvements. After a long hot shower and a proper lunch I take a nap, usually an hour or 2. When I wake up, every single corner of my body hurts. Yet I'm smiling. And I have this guy to thank for it.

Pilates doesn't exactly make you slimmer. Not like going to the gym, swimming or jogging. It's probably also not considered as "modern" as yoga. Yeah... Well I think yoga is boring! And nowadays most of the "hip and young ones" do yoga just because it's considered to be the coolest thing to do 🤪 You don't agree? Sue me. Back to pilates. It makes the muscles stronger, body toned up, improves balance and cognitive functioning and SLEEP! Things I really need! Just read this. Personally I think pilates is a very good exercise for people who have epilepsy because it's a low impact workout. Just be careful. Because no matter how easy it looks well IT'S NOT! That's why you better have an instructor who tells and shows you how to do it correctly. And it's more fun if you have somebody who can make one super tough hour feel like it's only 10 relaxing minutes. So yeah... 

BISA! 😆