Saturday, August 22, 2015


I don't like giving advices. But somehow a lot of friends come to me and ask for one. I don't know why. I'm not exactly the type of person who can explain the things in my head loud and clear. I often have difficulties to find the right words. Or expressions. Especially now. Since there are at least 3 languages going on in my head. There could be 2-3 languages in 1 sentence without me even realizing it. 

I tend to have strong and different opinions on things. Different than other people. But yes, it seems that for some people, my opinions matter. If I DO give advices, I think very hard and choose the words very, very, very carefully. If I DO give advices, I try to be objective. I try to be in that person's shoes. What if I was in that situation. What kind of things I'd like to hear and not to hear. There are some phrases that I try to avoid, like:

"It's okay."
"You're overreacting."
"Don't cry."
"Don't worry."
"Don't think too much about it."

And so on. 

Why??? Well, have you ever think that the person DOESN'T have any choice but to worry? That she DOESN'T want to cry but it is inevitable? That she DOESN'T want to think too much about it but the problem is right in front of her face? 

So what do I say? Hmmm... Sometimes I say nothing. All I do is hug my friend. Tight. I let her burst some tears and tell me her fears herself. I keep quiet while she's spilling out all her anger into words. I stroke her hair, rub her back, kiss her head and whisper: "Just cry all you want. Let it all out. Your secrets are safe with me. I'm here for you. Anytime. Always." And then I hug her even more tight. Sometimes we end up crying together. But sometimes we end the sadness with a relieved smile. 

Of course this method doesn't work with a male friend :)) Not if I want to keep peace with my husband :))) So it has to involve minimum physical contact and more into serious conversation. That's why with a male friend it's.........rather....tricky. I have to be more reasonable but also give opinions from a woman's point of view. Which is apparently for men, is a very, very, difficult one to understand :p  But that's why my male friend needs me, I guess. Many of them said they like to ask me for advices because I'm a woman but I tend to think (and sometimes ACT) like Mmmm.... I don't know if I should take it as a compliment or an insult :)))) 

What's the tricky part? Well... It's tricky because it involves a heart-to-heart conversation. I notice that spilling out his heart is not an easy thing to do for a man. So if a man DOES do it, it means that he puts a lot of trust in me. Why? Because a personal conversation involves feelings. And for some men, showing feelings means showing vulnerability. Which is a big No-No :) Aaaaand anything that involves feelings can turn innocent relationships to..... Well..... Do I have to say more? :) 

But now something has changed. Many of the conversations I have with both female and male, start with: "Do you remember when I told you about...." or "Remember when...." or "You do know that I blablabla, right???" and so on. Well, sometimes I do remember but sorry, friends. Many times you have to refresh my memory before you spill out another story :)))))))))) But look at the bright side!!! My forgetfulness could be a good thing! It means that after you spill your heart out to me and I give you advices, you could just go home, feel more relieved and be absolutely sure that your secret is absolutely safe with me! Why????????

Because I might already forget about it the minute we say goodbye!!! :))))


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