Monday, February 05, 2024

Bebi To Baduy And Back

Last night as I laid myself to sleep, I had the chance to look closely at my Sleeping Beauty's face, who was snoring softly next to me. I stroked her thick wavy hair gently and caressed her plump rosy cheeks. Then I kissed her hand and whispered to myself "How did I get so lucky?" ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ

My Precious Godsend is 15 In shฤสพ Allฤh going on 16 years old. Yet here and then she still loves to be treated as ๐Ÿ˜˜BUBU'S BEBI๐Ÿ˜˜ Don't get me wrong though! When her TEENAGER MODE is on??? Bebi's all like "I need my space. I can do it by myself. Please leave me alone, Bubu." ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜… But fortunately most of bedtimes my Bebi still wants to have her Bubu laying next to her. I guess it's because this is when the mother-daughter talk occurs. Precious time which involves lots of stories, laughters, full of secrets. Simply... Irreplaceable. 

Last week Bubu's Bebi had a 2 days 1 night adventure in Baduy with her school. Her first overnight trip with HelloMotion Highschool. Only 1 night. Yet it was quite a torture for me. I couldn't sleep. I heard voices upstairs. Did I see something? I can't remember... Maybe. I think I've been having hallucinations more often than last year. I had a 2:30 minutes morning seizure and a couple more until the rest of the day. Yuli had to remind me to eat and to take naps. Si Jun offered me a drive around the block. Even Moochi stayed close to me the whole time ๐Ÿ˜ฝ I kept asking Yuli "Kok belum ada kabar ya, Yul?" Yuli laughed and said "Yaaaaa si Ibu! Eneng baru juga berangkat!" She also reminded me that this wasn't the first time Kukka went to Baduy. "Waktu di Sekolah Alam kan pernah pergi juga bu! Tidurnya malah di tenda!" I seriously couldn't remember. Lucky me I always posted pictures ๐Ÿ˜„ And yes there she was... On my Instagram and Facebook. Carrying that huge purple backpack, sleeping in an orange tent, laughing excitedly on a boat while floating along a dirty river and more ๐Ÿ˜‚ And she looked very happy. So I said to myself "Just chill Farika!!! Your daughter is having a great time with her friends now. She's safe and will be back tomorrow. TOMORROW!!!" ๐Ÿ˜†

My day got a little bit better when pictures of my Bebi and her friends started to fill the parents' Whatsapp group. I got all hyped up and was like "Ada anakkuuuuuu!" ๐Ÿ˜‚ I also felt much better when the other parents confessed that they felt the same way like I did ๐Ÿ˜‚ One parent at a time opened up after I apologized being so lebay and I said "Harap maklum ini anak satu-satunya ๐Ÿ˜…" One replied something like "Dimaklumi kok Bubu! Anak saya ada 3 perasaannya sama aja." Alhamdulillah ๐Ÿ˜„ 

And then the night came... Around 8:30pm Moochi began to act strange. He also looked sad and confused. He didn't want to finish his meal. He went up and down, meowing in front of the office door, my bedroom door, places where Kukka usually spend her time in. Then Moochi went in and out of My Precious Godsend's bedroom ๐Ÿ˜ข Finally he jumped on Kukka's bed and... 

๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜˜

I sorta confessed to Moochi that it was a tough night for me too... I woke up probably 4 times around, 10pm, midnight, 2am, then 3am. I had a "real" sleep after I took my morning pills and Yuli already came to work. Then at around 11am my baby girl texted me ๐Ÿฅณ She sent me pictures with her teacher, Bu Salma and 1 with Kiko, her friend. I was beyond happy! And รผber rempong ๐Ÿคช I told Jun that we should leave early so we would be there when Kukka's train arrive at Stasiun Jurangmangu. Alhamdulillah we were there on time. Around 4:45pm my love was back in my arms ๐Ÿฅฐ Sweaty and smelly ๐Ÿ˜„ But... She looked fresh and had a lot of stories to tell. 

When we arrived at home I ORDERED my Precious Godsend to take a very long hot shower ๐Ÿคฃ Hair shampoo-rinse and repeat I said. 3 times! ๐Ÿง When she's finally finished we laid down on my bed, hugging and sharing stories. It didn't take long until I heard nothing than a soft snore. My baby slept for hours! I could only imagine how tired she must have been... I hugged my baby carefully and whispered "I'm so happy you're back, Bebi... And I'm so grateful that I can be with you right here, right now. Sweet dreams my pretty angel..." Then I took a nap with the most beautiful person in my life laying next to me. Alhamdulillah.

       
"I don't want to be away from my kids, not that much. I don't want to miss their lives to go do a thing that I'm grateful to be able to do, and I'm appreciative that you're here to see it, but I've done it a lot, you know? I'm kind of want to feel okay and I want to make sure my family's okay, and that's great. That's okay." 

*Trent Reznor*


Monday, January 22, 2024

WORLD ENCEPHALITIS DAY 2024

 

Pain. Confusion. Loss and frustration. 

Shame. Loneliness. Exhaustion. 

Heavy tears and constant fear. 

And other things which make the brain even smaller and weaker.

Yet day by the day, with love and trust, support and believe, the part that is left will stay strong and the heart sees what is truthful and right.

We're still here not just to survive the broken reality.

We fought the fight we didn't choose and couldn't avoid.

And we will always fight this battle which will never ends.

Hence we are warriors! 

With gentle hearts and fearless minds.

We have the courage to feel and to say that life really is tough and it’s okay.

We are here to give each other a pair of ears who listen and a sincere: 

"I believe you. Don't worry. I'm here".


๐Ÿค—A BIG HUG TO FELLOW ANTI NMDAR ENCEPHALITIS WARRIORS

AND NEVERENDING THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE 

HERE AND BELIEVE๐Ÿค—


*Posted a month too early. Another sign of how fucked up I have become ๐Ÿ˜…*

Wednesday, January 10, 2024

Doc Rocksy Menjelaskan

First month of the year. First date with The Rocksy ๐Ÿ˜Š

After exchanging hellos and compliments, she read my lab result and said:

"....HBnya semua bagus, fungsi livernya juga aman, ginjalnya bagus, gulanya... BAGUS! Bagus banget malah! Elektrolit bagus, steroid bagus ๐Ÿ˜„ 
Stressnya gimana? Stress tidur? Yang paling cepet bikin memori tuh tambah turun tuh untuk degenerasi ya stress sama tidurnya ngga beres."

It didn't took long for me to tell The Rocksy about the stress level I'm in. When I got to the part: "Gila? Halusinasi?" she started to look pretty serious, asked more questions, typed my answers on her computer and mumbled: 

"... Hmmm... Halusinasinya sampai kaya gimana? ... Penglihatan aja ya? 
Denger ngga ya..."

Next came the part about my teeth. I told The Rocksy about my visit to the dentist and that there's nothing serious other than the tartar on the teeth. The pain is pretty annoying I said. Could it be caused by the teeth grinding while having a seizure, I asked. Yes she said. Okay... ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

Oh! This time there was an intern present who stood next to The Rocksy and listened to everything we said attentively. The Rocksy explained everything about my condition. They talked using medical terms which I didn't understand ๐Ÿ˜… Here and there The Rocksy got back to me and explained (probably for the gazzilionth times):

"Post Encephalitis waktu itu. ... Ini bekas Encephalitis. Waktu itu saya jelasin otaknya udah bersih ya bu! Bekas lukanya itu bikin agak... Pusat kejangnya ibu sama pusat memori itu bu... Jadi menciut. Hmmm... Susah nih bu! Latihan mengingatnya mesti lebih keras. ... Latihannya padahal sudah menulis ya! Main piano masih tiap hari 3 jam? Wih keren! ... Iya betul main game nggak boleh lama-lama. Yah... Kita terima dan kita nikmati ya... ๐Ÿ˜… Karena secara struktur dia udah menciut bu... Pas di pusat memori doang! Yang lain baguuuus!!! Di hipokampusnya itu kan bekas luka... Itu kan kalau kita bekas luka terus dia jadi dekok gitu lho... Kiri kanan lagi! Bilateral."

And then I said it. "Berarti apa dok? Kalo nanti saya makin tua makin........" 

We laughed together awkwardly ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜” Then I told her about Dad's condition, comparing it with mine.

"Ya kalo umur 80an sih kemungkinan 1 dari 3 udah Alzheimer memang. Ini sih bukan Alzheimer. Tapi emang waktu kejadian dulu Encephalitis itu kenanya pas di pusat memori."

Jadi terima aja ya dok? ๐Ÿ˜…

"Terima aja ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜… Toh so far semua masih mandiri kan? Ngga ada yang mesti dibantu kan? Ke dokter sendiri, udah jago banget ๐Ÿ˜ƒ Kalo penciuman aman? Cium yang gosong-gosong kaya dulu masih ada? ... Udah bagus ya? ... Jadi yang gosong itu bagian dari seizure-nya ya... Kalo ibu udah mulai jarang, bagus. 
Dari segi gerakan kaya yoga ngga kesulitan kan? Pilatesnya tambah jago ๐Ÿ˜„ 
Cuma halusinasi visual ya..." 

Yeah... I told my lovely neurologist about the fact that now and then I MIGHT see something which actually isn't there. But I am 100000% sure that I DID see it! With full emotion I almost screamed in her small room: "Kalo ada apa-apa sekarang saya foto biar ada bukti!"

We laughed again. 

"Mau pake suplemen anti penuaan? Ini cuma suplemen tapi ya! Bukan obat ya!


"QTen. Coba aja dirasain. Kalau sebulan eh iya nih jadi makin oke!  Ini isinya Coenzyme Q10. Anti aging. Bagus buat jantung, buat kulit jadi ngga keriput, buat rambut jadi item lagi. Sama buat otak juga. Kalo sebulan enak nih, bagus nih!? Kulit makin kenyal, jantung makin kuat, lanjut aja. Itu cuma suplemen kok! ... 
Mata saya lihat udah ada sedikit katarak tuh... 
Berarti aging process-nya udah jalan nih..". 

While she was explaining about Q10 I showed The Rocksy my trembling hand. She immediately told her intern to check my pulse. In the mean time I kept talking and told my doc about that seizure during pilates which doesn't happen very often. I think it might happened because I didn't get enough sleep. Or maybe I had PMS? Then there came the magic words: SAYA LUPA. followed with a wide grin. The Rocksy laughed. The intern reported my pulse and my doc said:

"111? Wih cepet banget! Denyut jantungnya... Kita atur lagi ya... Brainact udah ngga usah. Keppra sama Tegretol tetep. Tambahannya Propanol. Ini isinya untuk mengurangi tremor. Tapi juga bikin jantung lebih pelan. Jadi ngga degdegdegdeg... Sekarang nih degdegdegdegdegdeg banget! Propanol ngga untuk rutin. Pas lagi degdegan atau pas lagi tremor baru diminum."

While talking about medicines I whined to my doc like a baby about the neverending batuk-pilek. I mentioned all the stuff I've been taking but the batpil wouldn't go away! 

"Nah tapi obat batuk kan bikin tambah tremor juga! Jadi jangan sembarangan ya minum obat batuk! ... Obat yang itu kadang-kadang bikin debar sama agak naik tensi. Mendingan Rhinos. Terus kalo batuk, agak-agak dahak, agak-agak ngga enak, boleh OBH. Obat paling gampang lah pokoknya! Itu ngga ganggu denyut jantung. Obat batuk lain ganggu. Atau nanti saya kasih Fluimucil. Ini saya kasih dikit-dikit aja ya obatnya! 5 butir. Semoga cepet sembuh deh! ... Fluimucil untuk pengencer dahak. Sama OBH. Rhinos untuk ingus. Sama Coenzyme Q10. 
... 
Jadi yang baru tuh Propanol, diminum kalo lagi tremor atau debar-debar banget. Fluimucil untuk ngencerin dahak. OBH buat batuknya. Rhinos kalo mau buat batuk pileknya. Sama Q10 untuk anti agingnya. Kalo baik-baik, ke sini lagi abis lebaran aja. Sebelum lebaran, cek lab. Cek darah rutin aja. Darah rutin, fungsi liver, fungsi ginjal, gula, asam lambung. Jadi ngga usah puasa. (writing) Kontrol berikutnya April setelah lebaran. TIDAK PERLU PUASA. Kebaca ngga ya tulisan saya? Hahahahahah! ... Radang tenggorokannya... Antibiotik 3 hari. ... Zibramax ada ๐Ÿ˜„"

Repeating all the meds I have to take is a must. What, when, how, and others. And everything has to be written down and recorded. Heart-to-heart talk also included in the session as always. And of course, a picture ๐Ÿฅฐ 


 

Friday, December 22, 2023

Happy Mother's Day

Untuk kamu, si ibu yang sibuk bekerja di kantor atau di rumah.

Untuk kamu, si ibu yang sudah menjadi business woman dan boss besar.

Untuk kamu, si ibu yang tinggal tunjuk dan pencet TRANSFER untuk teman, saudara dan orangtua.

Untuk kamu, si ibu yang bolak-balik cek handphone dan menunggu sapaan dari si buah hati di sudut kota sana.

Untuk kamu, si ibu yang menjalankan rumah tangga dan printilannya, tanpa atau dengan bantuan.

Untuk kamu, si ibu yang "hanya" mengurus suami dan anak, pagi, siang dan malam ikhlas dan sabar, tanpa keluhan.

Untuk kamu, si ibu yang selalu ada untuk
kesayangannya, lahir dan batin.

Untuk kamu.

๐Ÿค—Selamat Hari Ibu๐Ÿค—


Saturday, December 09, 2023

Welcome To Marriage Life!

 


Dear Namira and Galih,

Have a truly wonderlife life together as husband and wife ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

Enjoy the ups and downs. The laughters, sad and happy tears.

Expect lots of surprises. Loud snores and smelly farts included.

Respect each other even if at that time your other half doesn't seem to deserve it.

Regrets can turn into wise lessons. 

Forgiveness is key. 

Remember that self-love is the ultimate way to health and happiness.  

And that even at the lowest part of it all always believe, 

that your love for each other becomes into something beautiful once, 

and it can always turn back until the end of time.


Love, 

๐Ÿ’— Tante Ita, Om Ica & Cookie ๐Ÿ’—

 


Thursday, November 02, 2023

Doc Rocksy Menjelaskan:

Hi guys! Before I continue writing this post I would love to greet you all with a big hug ๐Ÿค— and a sincere SING SEHAT SEMUA YAAAAA!

You already now how bad the weather is now and how easy it is to get sick. It almost doesn't matter if you have enough rest or do lots of exercises. The pilates instructors in House of Pilates were sick and they exercise probably like 20 hours every day! ๐Ÿ˜… Meanwhile my neurorologist told me that almost all the doctors in the hospital got the flu and/or cough. She told me that she had the cough for 2 weeks and had to take antibiotics. The Rocksy said there's this joke among the doctors about the fact that they have to take antibiotics at least for 5 days to be healthy again. Then she showed me a bottle of cough syrup:

"Nih masih ada obat batuk saya! ๐Ÿ˜„ "

So yeah... I was sick. Since mid September I had a very bad cough and cold. Eventually I was so exhausted I decided to push my December session with The Rocksy 1 month earlier. And I'm so glad I did it! 

On 31st October I finally went to see The Rocksy. The minute she met me my doc said:
"Bindeng banget suaranya!"

I whined like a little kid to her mom and told her everything from the flu to bad coughing which oddly enough occured more at night while sleeping. Which obviously led to lack of sleep and caused seizures ๐Ÿ˜” I told The Rocksy that my coughing and sneezing didn't get better eventhough I already took a bottle of over-the-counter cough syrup and also went to a clinic around the block. None of them worked.

While The Rocksy was examining me I told her I was so pissed I often slapped myself in the face because of the constant midnight coughing. 

"Sampai ke dalem nih dahaknya... Tuh... Grok grok grok grok... 
Dahaknya nempel di dinding paru-paru karena lengket." 

Shit. Just by imagining it makes me want to vomit ๐Ÿคฎ Then The Rocksy asked me about the air purifier. Apparently during our last session she advised me to get 1 and put it in the bedroom. I totally forgot about it ๐Ÿ˜… When I asked her which brand to use my caring doctor googled it right in front of me ๐Ÿ˜Š She practically shrieked while telling me about that time when "Stok abis!" and I didn't believe her. "Iiih itu yang lagi parah-parahnya!" Okay doc I believe you! ๐Ÿ˜„ The Rocksy said that air purifier does make a difference. "Cuaca emang lagi jelek. Virus lagi banyak. Untuk virus dan debu ngaruh lumayan!" Noted doc! ๐Ÿค”

After examining me The Rocksy took a serious look at my Buku Harian Epilepsi and commented:

"Pilates gaya berat naik kelas!!! ๐Ÿ˜„ Gaya berat tuh yang kaya gimana sih buuu?!?!"

We both laughed outloud and I told her that it is a true story! ๐Ÿ˜† My "defense" was that it was my instructor who said so! I also pointed out the fact that as far as I can remember, I only had 1 seizure during or after pilates class. And it happened while I had the neverending cough. 

"Oh iya yang Jumat 13 Oktober ini ya?"

I asked The Rocksy is it possible that because I enjoy the class very much hence no seizures? She said yes ๐Ÿ˜Š 

Then the conversation continued about fever.

"Sebetulnya ngga bagus (kalau ngga demam). Karena demam tuh untuk pertahanan tubuh. Kalau dia demam 1. emang virusnya jahat banget. Yang kedua imunnya dia bagus banget ngelawan."

I grinned and said "Oke deh saya udah ketauan imunnya jelek makanya ngga pernah fever ya dok..."

The Rocksy laughed and explained "Antara virusnya emang lemah atau kitanya yang lemah. Ngga punya pertahanan ngelawan."

Oooowkay ๐Ÿ˜… Anyways... Our 20 minutes session continued with my dearest neurologist gave me advice on how to get the sticky mucus out by: 1. Take a long warm/hot shower. 2. Put Vicks Vaporub into a bucket of hot water and cover our head with a towel with the face down on top of it (I did this. Be careful! It might hurt your eyes a bit ๐Ÿ™‚)

Before our 3-months session ended we took pictures together and luckily I remember what I wanted to say to The Rocksy since the first time I saw her walking into the waiting room: Dokter Rocksy cantik banget deh! Makanya tadi saya langsung dadah!


"Ibu juga! ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜† Sampai saya tadi bilang saya pangling. 
Itu artis dari mana? Pas liat nama ibu lah itu ibu Farikaaa! ๐Ÿ˜"

Well... See you next year doc! January 31st ๐Ÿ˜‰ Sing sehat and thank you for everything! ๐Ÿค—