Have you ever had a dream that is so, so sad, you wake up having actual tears in your eyes? Then you couldn't stop sobbing and panting for quite a while... Not until you finally realized that it was just a dream. A sad one. A very, very sad one.
Lately I've been having that kind of a dream. Or should I say a nightmare? I don't know why... Sadly (or luckily?) I couldn't really remember what the dream was. Not always. All I can remember that it always involves me losing someone I love. Once it was about the death of someone who I loved very much and the saddest part is... He is actually already passed away. It was like experiencing the sadness all over again... Another time the nightmare was about me...losing my mom...
There is one particular dream that I do remember though. Even to this second. I guess it was THAT scary and sad to me... It was about Kukka. We were in this big and empty building... I held Kukka's hand and we were trying to find out how to get out. The building...or was it an old, creepy house? It looked like a typical old house or abandoned building that you see in horror movies. Anyways... Suddenly, somehow Kukka was gone. When I looked at my side and I looked at my hand, Kukka wasn't there. I wasn't holding her hand anymore. I started to panic. I ran in and out of the rooms inside that big empty building. I screamed and called Kukka's name like million times. Nothing. All I could hear was the echo of my voice, screaming my precious godsend's name. I was out of breath and sweating like crazy... And then I woke up. Crying, sweating, panting, out of breath. For real.
The first time I had this kind of nightmare I immediately ran to Kukka's bedroom to check her out. I was so relieved when I saw her still sleeping safe and sound. I hugged Kukka and I started to kiss her until she almost woke up. Then I stopped. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her sweet face. And while doing it I remember that I was still crying... But I guess it was tears of happiness. I was happy that it was just a dream... Well... Happy is not the right word. Because even though it was a dream, it did drain my energy and my emotion. And it's not a very nice thing to feel.
Unfortunately that was not the first and the last nightmare I had. As a matter of fact, I just had one this morning. And again, I woke up in tears, still sobbing and panting. Luckily Hubster woke me up and asked me to sit with him on the patio. Just like that I stopped sobbing and woke up like nothing happened. Perfect timing, Schatz :) What was the nightmare about? Luckily I can't remember the detail. But like I said. It was about me losing Kukka. Again.
Man, this sucks. Why can't I just dream about something happy? Like... Well I don't know... Traveling around the world? Suddenly speaking 10 languages fluently? Magically being able to make beautiful paintings? Being able to go back and forth to the past to fix the future? Anything! Anything but about me losing my precious godsend. That one dream, I tell 'ya! It really is the one that I wish would never ever come true.