KinoFest 2024 - Festival Film Jerman

It started with me participating a quiz from Goethe Institut Jakarta to win a ticket to Opening Night of KinoFest 2024. The question was very simple: "Dalam ajang Academy Award ke-96, film Das Lehrerzimmer mendapatkan nominasi untuk kategori...?". I was like seriously? 😆 I immediately tweeted the answer and waited. It felt more like a gamble rather than a quiz 🤪 

On Tuesday, the 8th I received a message from Goethe Institut: "Selamat! Kamu terpilih untuk menerima undangan menghadiri pembukaan KinoFest pada Kamis, 10 Oktober 2024. Acara akan dimulai pukul 19:00 WIB di GoetheHaus Jakarta, Jl. Sam Ratulangi 9-15, Jakarta Pusat." I was like YEAAAAAAAY!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 I really wanted to watch Das Lehrerzimmer! Alhamdulillah after organizing what had to be organized at home (kiddo, house, Moochi etc) I went to Goethe 🙂

It was my first KinoFest. I didn't know what to expect. It was somewhat...confusing at first. Especially because I was there alone. I didn't know anybody 🤷🏻‍♀️ While the guests I saw came either in couples or groups. But being alone in public has never been a problem for me. So yeah... Alles gut 😀 After a couple of opening speeches the movie finally started.

I enjoyed every minute of Das Lehrerzimmer or The Teacher's Lounge 😉🤩 It's funny, exciting, sad, annoying, felt like a light movie to watch when it actually has heavy subjects... I'm not trying to be a movie critic here but yes! Das Lehrerzimmer is totally worth the hype 😃 The end scene almost made me laugh outloud and scream "ALRIIIIIGHT!" 😂 I don't want to give any spoilers. Because if you do have the opportunity to watch this movie, watch! Best with your kid. Or students! 😃 

Then it was time to enjoy dinner and... Well.. Beer of course 🍺 Unfortunately I didn't spend a long time at the after party. I have a kid at home and it was already pass my bedtime 😆 I told this Goethe guy (Entschuldigung aber I kann Ihre Name nicht erinnern 😅) that tonight's event was great and I wished him/Goethe Haus: Vielen Dank für den schönen Abend. Viel Glück und ich freue mich auf den nächsten KinoFest. PROST! 🍻 

Bubu and Kukka at Art Jakarta

It was our first Art Jakarta 2024 and we had a blast! My Precious Godsend and I had another opportunity to see and meet extraordinary artists presenting their masterpieces. Based on our experience from visiting Art Moment, Kukka and I leaved home early because we wanted to arrive at JIEXPO Kemayoran way before opening hour. And again. It was a wise decision. If I remember correctly... 🤔 It seemed that more visitors were there compared to Art Jakarta... Aaaaand it was kinda... Unorganized? Maybe it's just me... And my girl. But that's how I felt. The traffic inside the hall was confusing. We didn't know where to go or what to see first. We, especially me, were like "Wait! Did we already see this? Or haven't we?" Lucky me, my Precious Godsend always reminded me "We saw this one already. Let's go this way! Bubu, yang itu sudah dilihat. Bubu, don't miss this one!" 😂 Many times we did have different interests when I wanted to spend more time admiring 1 particular art while Kukka already wanted to move on to another one. That's one of the reasons why we always have a meeting point. Just in case there's a problem with our cellphones 😉

Art Jakarta was full with extraordinary and incredible artworks. Kukka and I were like 2 kids in a giant toy store. I remember how I couldn't stop thinking about the artists behind their masterpieces. To think that there are people who have these kind of talents you know... Unbelievable. I also remember I kept saying to my girl that maybe 1 day her art work will be shown in this kind of exhibition. Who knows right? Amen. 😊

Our visit got even better when I had the chance to have a chat with some of the artists. Great people, great stories, great art. I also have my personal favorites such as:

1. KAPAL TANPA LAUTAN. A collaboration between @mangmoel and @yudisulityoart 😍😍 What can I say about this one other than: BAGUS BANGEEEEEEET!!!! 😱😱😱

2. Alice in Wonderland by @bohemian_27 It's fun, beautiful, interesting, brilliant and everything in between. The objects in the picture were moving for god's sake!! How cool is that!?!?!? Alice, Mad Hatter,... CHESHIRE CAT!!! 😻😻😻 Pinocchio was also there!! Lucky me I also had the opportunity to chat with the brilliant artist himself.  

                               

3. Unfortunately I didn't get the name of this art. But this particular masterpiece reminded me of my everlasting love: Trent Reznor's 😆 - The Downward Spiral - Nine Inch Nails. Those were the series of words that popped up in my head 😆

4. Skeleton Snoopy. Well... Everybody who knows me well must know that I have a thing for skeletons 😆 So when I came across a giant skeleton Snoopy I was... 😱

5. These are simply adorable I wanted to take the arts and the book home!

6. And these are the rest of my favorites: 

When Kukka and I went home we couldn't stop talking about our favorite art pieces. And of course the best part of the day was to see the excitement I saw in my baby's eyes. The exhausted body and super tired legs were all worthwhile 🥰 Until next Art Jakarta ya sayang 😘

Time To Act on Alzheimer, Time To Act on Dementia

When I received a message with this poster from Siloam Hospital I was pretty psyched. Not only because the seminar was related to the brain and memory problems. But the speaker was my doctor, The Rocksy! So hell yeah! I immediately signed up eventhough my condition is not dementia nor Alzheimer 😄 What I had in mind was "Kapan lagi!?!"

I planned out everything. From asking SiBapa for permission to what time to arrive at the hospital to get the best seat. I'm the kind of person who like to ask questions so yeah... Sitting arrangement is important 😋 I left home early because I wanted to grab something to eat somewhere near the hospital. I knew they provided free lunch. But enjoying a meal around PIK sounded more appetizing than eating from a box.

I arrived at the hospital early. The hall was still closed and the event organizer seemed very busy doing this and that. It was already 12pm but the door wasn't open yet. I didn't mind to wait because I brought the new novel I just bought. But minutes later I did start to worry because I didn't see lots of people coming. I mean... I thought the hall was gonna be full you know!?! But what I saw was less than expected. I was like "Huh??? Bener kan seminarnya hari ini??? Tanggal, hari, jam, ngga salah kan??" 😅 I was relieved when the door finally opened. I went immediately inside and sat right in the middle on the second row. I had a perfect angle to see the screen and where The Rocksy would stand. Yet still... There was no guests other than me and maybe 2-3 people 😳 Finally more guests came and had lunch on their chairs. While waiting for the seminar to start I had a chance to observe the attendees. Most of them were... Young. I mean... Possibly younger than me 😆 And they came together in couples or more. I couldn't help not to think who and why they were in the seminar. Are they The Rocksy's patients? Are they here because they wanted to help others? Maybe a friend or their loved ones? Or maybe they attended the seminar just because they're interested in dementia and Alzheimer?

Anyway... I went back to Malibu Rising and then suddenly the woman in front of me said hi and asked questions. It started pretty basic like "Udah lama datangnya? - Kok belum mulai ya udah jam segini? - Sendirian? - Ngga makan?" etc. And theeeeeen she asked "Pasiennya Dr. Rocky? - Sakit apa? - Udah berapa lama berobat di sini? - Dapet obat apa? - Kalo kambuh kaya apa?" and she went on and on and on 😂 I did answer some of her questions AND gave hints that I wanted to go back to my novel. But she wouldn't stop talking!!! Aaaaaaaaaand she said "Bentar aku pindah ke situ deh!" Wakwaaaaaaaw! 😂 She sat right in front of me! Thank god I put my bag on the chair beside me. Maybe if my bag wasn't there she would sit right next to me. I did answer some of her questions but luckily she was the one who did most of the talking 😂 I think in 15 minutes I know more about this woman's life tragedy than my family members' 😅 Thankfully a couple of women came and on the same row. Lucky me the first cici started to talk more to the women who happened to be sisters 😆 She said something like "Ayo cerita ngapain nih ke sini? Ayo sharing!" 🤣 And they did! The sisters told us that they attended the seminar because they were worried of their father's condition 😢 So yeah... I was off the hook until the seminar started 🤣

I was even more relieved when The Rocksy finally came and I watched her getting ready for the presentation. Yet still.. The hall was half empty. There were 2 sides of chairs but only 1 side was full. But I guess it was time to start. The moderator said thank you and so on. He asked us to stand up. "Kita dance dulu supaya semangat! Yang paling ok nanti dapat hadiah!" Oh mein Gott! 😂 It was that kepala-pundak-lutut-kaki dance and as predicted I fucked up when the dance got faster. BUT I WON!!!! 🤣 Why???? Moderator: "Ibu yang pakai blazer kuning terlihat paling semangat! Ayo kita tepuk tangan dulu buat ibu!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Thank you Siloam Hospital 🙂

Alhamdulillah the seminar finally started. My doctor saw me and we 👋🏼 at each other excitedly. Kaya ketemu gebetan 😂 During her Welcome - Thank You speech there was something she said that made me sad. The Rocksy said something like: "Jujur saya sedih loh... Yang daftar padahal banyak sekali tapi yang datang cuma setengah aula." I don't know about her but I was pissed. I was like "So typical. Daftar aja dulu. Dateng atau ngga liat nanti." 😒😒 So disrespectful. Well. Fuck 'em. Their loss. Right doc?!? 😉

The Rocksy started the seminar and it was very interesting. I've been her patient since god knows when. But last Sunday was the first time I attended her seminar. The way The Rocksy explained things, the material on the screen, pretty much everything! Padat, singkat, menarik dan penuh makna 😃 So... Dr. dr. Rocksy Fransisca V Situmeang, Sp. N 😉 During those 2,5 hours (?) I listened attentively to pretty much every word she said. Although I knew I would forget about most of it after 2 hours later 😅 While the other attendees took pictures of The Rocksy's presentation, I wrote down the questions I wanted to ask. I mean come on! I bet you can ask for the material probably via e-mail! But you can't have the master presenting it in your living room. Right? Anyways... It was Q&A time. I immediately raised my hand 😂 Surprisingly most of the attendees did have questions. It was... Somewhat...relieving? I mean... When I listened to the questions I was like: Oh I'm not alone... Oh he/she has it worse... Alhamdulillah aku ngga separah itu... And so on... Sad but true. I also shed tears when a woman shared her story and asked about what to do for the rest of her life with that kind of condition 😢 I couldn't help not to think "Ya Allah hidup kok gini amat ya..." 

The gloomy aura of the hall became lively when it was time for The Rocksy to answer questions. We as attendees were very enthusiastic to listen to her professional answers and some couldn't wait to pour their feelings out. An embarassing moment happened when my doc mentioned (and pointed at me?) my name while she explained about how important it is to keep your brain busy. It can be as simple as writing a diary. From storing your what-to-do list in your memory instead of saving it on your cellphone to "Main piano tuh kaya Ibu Farika!" Everybody turned their heads on me! Hadeeeeuh 😅 The Rocksy did mention that she watched videos of me playing piano on my instagram. She also explained to me the positive impact of it for the brain during my last check up. But I didn't expect her to say it in front of other people! Kesannya kaya jago padahal amatir pisan 🤣 

And then it was time to end. I was only an attendee but I was pleased to witness the moment when the moderator ACTUALLY had to apologize that the seminar was completed. It means that the attendees including me really enjoyed and captivated by The Rocksy's seminar 😊 Aaaaand it also means that hopefully more people want to learn about dementia and Alzheimer. From what it means to how to deal with them. That it's best to pay more attention to the symptoms rather than ignore them and say "Ya maklumin aja lah kan udah tua!" ..... How dangerous lack of sleep and stress are to your brain. How childhood trauma can come back to haunt you... And that the people who are closest to you can be the one who fuck up your brain. How important it is to get professional help as soon as possible. And many other things.

Because when the damage is done, there's no turning back. There are medications and therapies. But there's no cure. When your brain is hurt, the scar will always be there. Some become even wider and deeper until your brain finally shuts down. Forever.

To dr. Rocksy. Thank you so much for such an interesting seminar. I hope you'll do it more often. And yes! I will definitely be there! 😉😄

*Taken Friday, October 4th at Siloam Hospitals Lippo Village Ballroom*

Fly Away Dear Friend...

Sigh... I have so much to say but I don't know where to start... All I know is that I want to talk about families and friends. About time. About life and regrets.

Yesterday Keke and I visited our dear friend Santy who is currently admitted to the ICU. If I remember correctly this is the second time she's been hospitalized... Keke and I heard the news days before and immediately made a date to go to the hospital together. To tell you the truth I didn't know what to expect. All I could think was what to bring for Santy. And I was also worried that I might meet some friends who I used to know but I don't remember anymore. I just don't want to be rude you know? I can't just shake somebody's hand and say "Sorry aku ngga inget kamu siapa." So I was practically glued on Keke's side and we went to the ICU... And there she was... Our friend Santy. On the bed. With all sorts of tubes attached to her body. It took me less than 5 minutes... I couldn't handle it. I broke down and sobbed on Keke's shoulder. I think at some point I did ask Keke lots of "why"s... Man I'm crying as we speak 😭 I don't know if I can do this... Blog about this correctly... But this is my way to "store" memories... So I'm going to keep trying...

In the ICU room Keke and I stood beside Santy's bed... I held our dear friend's leg carefully and started to recite surahs for a person who is ill. Because that was the only thing I could do for Santy. But then... Her swollen hand caught my eyes and... I just couldn't take it... I turned back to Keke and cried in her arms. Keke tried very hard to calm me down. I said I couldn't stay there and see Santy in that condition. I also didn't want to make her mother even more sad. But I think I did... Because when Santy's mom reached out her hand I saw a couple of old teary eyes... I kissed her hand... I didn't know what to say... "Sabar ya Tante - Semoga Santy cepat sembuh ya - Jangan sedih ya Tante" didn't sound right... But when Santy's mom gently hugged me and said "Doain Santy ya..." I wept. Because those were the same words I said to her... That I will pray for her dear daughter. Keke immediately took me outside the room and we stood there. I cried and cried. And then my teeth started to chatter and my hands were shaking. I had a seizure. I think this BFF of mine started to panic and kept saying "Gimana ini? Dol! Gimana dong? Dol! Aduh!" And then you know what???? I had to calm her down!!!! ME the one who was HAVING the seizure!!! 😂 But the more Keke panicked, the more she made me laugh 😂 I was like "Ini sahabat kok ya ngga ada gunanya! 😂"

Eventually the seizure stopped and Keke took me to this big room where a lot of people were sitting/resting/sleeping on the carpet. It's a place where the patients' families and friends rest without having to leave the hospital. I saw a couple of familiar faces. Santy's husband, Yoga, and her sister, Mba Kiki. I was still shaking a little bit. That's why I think I didn't say much. I'm just glad I had the chance to visit Santy... All I can do for her is send prayers... 

After that Keke and I went back to her office to grab some lunch. The place was packed since well... It was lunch hour. Duh! 🤪 Thankfully Didi came to the rescue and he managed to find a table for the 3 of us. Lunch with these 2 is always... Fun 😄 We exchanged stories, some useless yet some were "heavy" 😆 We made each other laugh and oh I don't know... They just sort of saved my day 🤗 

I went home with a smile on my face and tears in my heart. All the way home I couldn't stop wondering... Why is it that somebody has to get sick first, or sadly passed away, to have her/his families and friends to get together, spend time, share stories and laughters and, ............................................................................................................................................................

As I was typing the words above, Keke called me at 8:20pm.... Santy just passed away with her family by her side... 😢😢😢

Inna Lillahi Wa Innaa Illaihii Raji'un.

 

Rest in peace my dear friend... I'm so sorry we didn't spend a lot of time together... In shāʾ Allāh you are now not in pain anymore... Love you San...

*Picture sent today, August 29th by Keke*

Great Moments At ArtMoments 2024

Another day very well spent together with my baby 🥰 Last Saturday Kukka and I visited ArtMoments 2024 at the Sheraton Grand Jakarta Gandaria City Hotel. I've been looking forward to this event since... Oh I don't know! I mean I bought the tickets since June 26th for god's sake! 😆 ArtMoments 2024 is a 3-days art fair, started August 9th - 11th 2024. I knew a lot of people would be interested to come so I bought the tickets as soon as I could. I bought the tickets for the 2nd day of the exhibition on purpose which was on the 10th. My consideration was that I was sure the 1st day would be full because... Well it's the first day. And the last day would be extra full because... Well it's the last day 🤪 So the 10th would be "safe". And I think I was correct. I picked not only the right date but also the perfect time.

Kukka and I arrived at the Sheraton Grand Jakarta Gandaria City Hotel an hour too early. A decision we didn't regret because we still had time to have lunch in the hotel. And then it was finally time. The ArtMoments 2024.

Inside the Sheraton Grand Jakarta City Hotel ballroom there was another type of cool looking crowd. The artsy crowd 😋 I imagined myself taking a stroll in New York or Paris or whatever city which has fashionable people in every corner. Anyway... The minute we stepped our feet in the ballroom I was in awe! A creepy but very awesome installation art by Heri Dono "welcomed" us and I was like... 😳😳😳 I mean just check this out!

I had a brief conversation with Pak Heri Dono and I congratulated him again and again. Thankfully the 3 of us managed to take pictures together before we said goodbye 😊

The awesomeness of ArtMoments 2024 obviously didn't end with Pak Heri Dono. The ballroom was packed with super cool arts and I don't even consider myself as an "artsy" person 😆 I mean... Every time Kukka and I were looking at 1 particular art piece there was always 1 or 2 people who looked very serious and busy observing plus commenting about the piece. For example what the meaning behind a certain flower is or how a stack of purple leaves were made and so on. Well Kukka and I were "just" mesmerized by this painting ↓

I like the painting because it's beautiful and Kukka loves it because it looks delicious. As simple as that 😄 It turns out this gorgeous painting is about how humans have undesirable cravings. The artist used spoon to make this delicious looking masterpiece. As we moved on Kukka and I were continued to be blown away by the art pieces. There was Jack Sparrow made entirely by strings/threads!!! These are some of my personal favorites:

And then I met Miss Franziska Fennert. I couldn't get my eyes off her art work because it looks...unique. It's called "Piyungan, Flowers of all countries - Unite! Upcycled textiles and plastic stiched on canvas, filled with textiles scraps and rice straw". I could see that there's a story behind it. While I was reading the artist's profile and the description on the wall Miss Franziska Fennert herself came to me and started a conversation. Seconds later I noticed that she's German 😃 Sooooo I answered her questions in German! 😆 Miss Fennert was very surprised and I asked her if it was okay to redo and record our conversation entirely in German. I mean it's been forever since the last time I speak in German WITH an actual DEUTSCHER! 😂 So we started over and I made sure that Kukka recorded the whole thing!!! 😆

Nicht schlecht stimmt's? 😂 I mean a Deutscher said that my German is excellent!! 😂 It's not!! And what's funny was that it was Miss Fennert herself who struggled to speak in German! She said it's been a long time since the last time she speaks in her mother tongue 😄 Before we parted our ways Kukka took pictures of the 2 of us. Unfortunately she didn't take any pictures of Miss Fennert's art 😔 But I found it online. Click here The Columns Gallery. 

As the day went on the more visitors of ArtMoments came and the ballroom was packed. My girl and I were tired and hungry 😄 Before we decided to leave ArtMoments 2024 both of us made sure that we already saw every single piece of incredible art in the ballroom. Alhamdulillah I think we DID see every thing! Thank god because I almost fainted from hunger! 😄 

Kukka and I decided to have an early dinner at Kitchenette Gandaria City Mall. The mall was full because not only it was Saturday night but there was HoYofest 2024! The mall was packed with people dressing up in incredible costumes!!! I was mesmerized by their looks! I couldn't stop thinking about the effort and the amount of time they must have spent to put together those incredibles costumes! Too bad I didn't take pictures with any of them because my daughter was too embarassed to have a mother who would approach a total stranger and asked "Hey! Kostum kamu keren deh! Foto bareng boleh ngga?" 😂 So yeah... While Kukka was explaining to me who a particular person in a certain costume was supposed to be, I was 😱🤩😍

After our tummies were full my Precious Godsend and I decided to go home, feeling happy and grateful for the wonderful and very interesting day 😊

Until next time!

Sweet Sixteen

Dear Bebinya Bubu,

There are too many wishes and very long prayers.

Along with overwhelming love and endless affection.

No space is big enough to pour everything out.

All I can do is hug and kiss you and say "I love you."

I never knew this kind of love existed.

Not until 16 years ago.

Oh my how time flies...

Since day one you stole my heart. 

Now you've grown into a beautiful young lady.

With a gentle soul and a strong mind.

Many times I ask myself how can this be?

What did I do right to have been blessed with you in my life? 

Everything that I've prayed you to be and even more.

It's you.

My gorgeous flower.

My beloved angel.

My Precious Godsend.

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN BEBINYA BUBU! 💝

 

Be kind, work hard and have fun.

Spread love, stay true and share your pretty smile. 

May your journey ahead be as exciting and spirited as you are.

And always remember that wherever you go and whenever you want, 

Bubu's love for you is here, endless and forever.

💖 I love you 💖

The Super Cuties of Kopi Cat Groovy

Forgive me blogger for I have sinned. I totally forgot blogging about our visit to Kopi Cat Cafe by Groovy Cabang Bintaro! 😱 

It was on a Thursday, June 27th. A perfect destination to spend a very long school holiday! Unlike the previous cat cafes we've visited, first I had to make a reservation. At first I was like huh?? But when we arrived I could totally understand why. It turned out visitors were only allowed to be inside the cafe for 1 hour. The reason is because after every session the cafe will be cleaned, the cats will get some rest and... Well basically after every session the cafe AND the cats will be as good as new. I was like wow! That's great! Not only does the cafe thinks about its cleanliness but also about the cats' wellbeing 😻 

So I picked the date, the time and was very much looking forward to it. When Kukka and I finally arrived I was pretty much surprised! Kopi Cat Cafe by Groovy is clean, well managed and the air smelled fresh! There were only a couple of other visitors. The rest were the cafe people who introduced us to the cats. While we played with the kitties, they explained to us abouth the cats' personalities, perks and all. 

My personal favorites are the black and white colored named Mila, the gorgeous mainecoons Romeo and Bertha, Civod whose name is "inspired" by Covid, Lucy the judes looking munchkin, Casper who has cheeks as chubby as Bubu 😸 Oh god there are too many of them! And they're sooooo cute!!! I swear when it was time for us to go home I was very sad 😿 I still wanted to play and cuddle with those groovy cats. I kept telling Kukka that we should definitely go back and of course, she agreed. So guys! Be ready for another cuddling session with Bubu and Kukka yaaa! 😺

48

Forty-eight and feeling somewhat blank. 

Just a straight line, no glitches nor ups or downs. 

It's just another day, the mind said. 

Yes but it used to feel special, the heart replied. 

Well another year has passed by, just grow up! 

Sure but does it have to be like this? 

Once a year one is allowed to receive something festive.

Or is THIS what's growing old feels like?

Expecting nothing. Getting nothing.

Just enjoy what there is,

and realize that special treatments exist only in dreams. 

Believe, absorb, enjoy and be grateful.

Learn to accept and forgive, move forward and expect less.

Love whole and offer more.

By then the heart shall be content.

This year, next, until that last long breath. 

Dear Dad

He who shows me that once you forgive and accept the things you cannot change, 

Once you see the brighter side of everything, 

Once you say, listen, and see the world with a smile, life is beautiful,

In his own words: “Hidup itu indah.”

With you in it, indeed. 

I love you Dad 😙

HAPPY 89th BIRTHDAY!

*Picture taken today at 6am in the hospital, waiting for his turn

Sad But True

No matter what time I wake up I always consider my first meal as breakfast. Despite the fact that I wake up at 12 pm 😅 And THAT is my most favorite meal of the day. While my teenage girl has grilled cheese sandwich or toast with peanut butter to start her day, I would enjoy a big plate of nasi goreng telor or nasi uduk lengkap or ketoprak komplit. Whenever our family stays in a hotel I never miss the breakfast buffet regardless how sleepy I am. A plate of scrambled eggs, sausages, sauted veggies... Yummm... Come to think of it, breakfast is probably the main reason I love to spend nights in a hotel 😄 So yeah... Minutes after I wake up I'd ask our maid Yuli to prepare or buy my breakfast. While Yuli is cooking and I'm enjoying my favorite meal, the two of us usually have a conversation about day-to-day life as a wife and a mother, or boss and a maid 🙂

Today our conversation was about the daily budget for food. Every Sunday afternoon Yuli will send me a text. A very long text! 😆 It's basically her proposal for 1 week's menu 😄 For example, last Sunday Yuli sent me this:

Then the 2 of us would exchange texts back and forth until we come to a mutual agreement. Does it end here? Oh of course not! After the menu is set, we have to talk about money 🤪 Yuli will give me a certain number. I'll ask why and what for. She'll explain about this and that. We'll bargain on how much the final expense is and only then I will finally transfer the money. Yes. It is THAT rempong! 😆 

Lately Yuli has been complaining about how expensive the spices are and some ingredients are hard to get. This morning while I was enjoying my first cup of coffee Yuli went on about which mas/mba who has the best chicken/meat/fish with the most reasonable prices. Yuli explained that to get the best chicken you have to go to a particular market. While to buy the freshest meat you have to go to another. That's why it takes a long time for Yuli to shop for groceries. Because she has to go to several markets to get the best ingredients to cook for our family 😊"Kalo ngga seger, ngga enak. Bapak, ibu sama si neng nggak bakalan mau makan, bu! Rasanya pasti beda." she said 😄 Our conversation went on and on because I was curious about her previous work places. What kind of menu the families have in a week, how much budget did she get, etc. Yuli looked at me straight in the eyes and said "Nggak kaya di sini bu!" 

Curiouser and curiouser 🤪 I must say the stories she told me... Oh man... It was quite shocking 😅 Then Yuli went on about her family. Now on this part I was... How should I say it? Shocked? Amazed? Or did I feel sorry? I don't know...

So... Yuli told me that her daily menu at home consists of 1 thing, max 2. For example, cah kangkung and tempe goreng. "Kalo akhir bulan belum gajian kita bertiga makannya bisa Indomie kuah, bu! Kuahnya dibanyakin biar kenyang, pake nasi terus dibagi 3. Yuli, Aylen sama bapaknya Aylen. Sukur-sukur ada telor. Kalo ada Yuli bikin telor ceplok, dibumbuin lagi terus bagi 3. Kalo ada sisa sambel dari sini, daripada dibuang Yuli bawa pulang. Nanti nasinya diaduk pake sambel. Sukur-sukur ada kerupuk atau pilus." I was like... 😳 I asked her cautiously: "Lauknya apa Yul? Ngga pake ayam? Kalau daging mahal ya... Tapi misalnya ikan?". Again my maid looked at me and answered "Walah bu... Makan ayam paling sebulan sekaliii! Kalo dapet ikan agak gedean juga dibagi 3. Kalo daging???? Paling setaun sekali dapet dari kurban. Atau ya dikasih dari sini yang udah nggak dimakan." I didn't believe her. Yuli laughed. "Tanya aja Si Jun kalo ibu ngga percaya!" 

Right at that moment our driver came into the kitchen to make coffee and I asked him immediately "Jun! Istri suka masak apa?" Jun replied lightly: "Ya biasa aja bu... Oseng tempe. Tahu. Sayur lalapan. Paling gitu aja. Kalo lagi ada uang, ya beli ikan Nila. Dimakan sekeluarga. Kalo akhir bulan paling Indomie pake kuah banyak biar kenyang. Kenapa bu?" Again, I asked about the chicken, fish, meat and side dishes. Jun: "Wah ayam sih paling sebulan sekali bu! Itu juga dipotong kecil-keciiiil! Paling sedikit dibagi 10. Terus ditepungin tapi tepungnya dibanyakin supaya keliatannya gede dan ngenyangin." Yuli turned at me with I-told-you-so look and laughed. Come to think of it... Maybe she was laughing because of my expression...

I didn't know how to react. The way Jun and Yuli told me made their stories funny. I did laugh. But obviously it was also sad. Very sad. Every Sunday I think about the food my family will have for the next 7 days. Meat, chicken, fish, vegetables, side dishes and dessert based on mood. Yet there are times when the 3 of us "don't feel like it" and still order from Gofood... I felt guilty. And again. Very sad. Especially because there's always some left-overs. Then our maid and driver said the same thing. "Makanya kalo sama ibu dikasih sisa makanan dari sini semua orang di rumah seneng banget bu! Rebutan! Soalnya ya ngga setaun sekali juga bisa makan kaya beginian! Alhamdulillah! 😂" 

.............................................................

 Sad but true. Indeed 😔

Just Another Moody Sunday

It's 5:21pm on a Sunday. It's just Moochi and me 👩🏻🐈 While the furry one is snoozing on a big comfy pile of blankets, I'm lost in a train of thoughts. Mostly about random stuff. But some are important enough to take more seriously. Which made me realize that I don't really have anybody to talk to. One who won't judge me, criticize me, laugh at me, or give me advices which I don't ask. Or need. Just... Somebody to talk to, you know? Somebody who listens. There are always some risks. Hate. Love. Family. Friend. It's just too dangerous to be completely honest. Sometimes I imagine myself being a character in a movie who can just talk to a stranger. To a man who's sitting next to me in a train. A woman who's enjoying the same kind of piece of cake in a small cafe. A kid who's reaching the same novel I want to buy. Just... Somebody. 

Now... I don't want to be ungrateful here... I do have a 15 going-on-16 years old daughter who's very sweet, loving and smart. She's also mature enough to be asked about serious matters. But many times I do think her opinions are subjective and most of the time... Well you know... More on my side 😄 But don't get me wrong! If she doesn't agree with me she sure does show it. Loud and clear. Alhamdulillah 🥰

But yeah... Now the only one I can talk to is a furry old man who spends most of his time sleeping on top of my sajadah, inside my closet or on my daughter's bed. There are 2 replies from him whenever I start a conversation. It's either a big yawn or an instense stare saying "What do you want from me? Can't you see I'm taking a nap here???" 😆 Yet still... Whenever I'm alone at home and I feel lonely I talk to Moochi. I become a typical crazy cat lady 😄 And I swear to you I do think he understands! 😹 Which leads me to this book I just finished reading. 

"If Cats Disappeared From The World" by Genki Kawamura. It's my first time reading a book by this author. The story is actually quite interesting and funny. There's a devil named Aloha! 😂 But somehow I got bored in the middle until the last 3 chapters. Until Cabbage, the cat, starts to talk like a human being 😸 As I read the lines I imagined to be the guy in the book and Moochi as Cabbage. 

There are also some lines which kind of hit me personally such as: 

"Had I said all that needed to be said to the people who mattered?"

"But then again, human beings can never grieve their own death. Death is always something that happens to others around them." 

"There's a limit to how well we know ourselves. We don't know what we look like to others, and we can't know our own future, and we can't know what our own death will be like."

and the last one is "I don't know whether I'm happy or unhappy. But there's one thing I do know. You can convince yourself to be happy or unhappy. It just depends on how you choose to see things."

Back to reality and I'm trying to count all the good things in my life. I lost count and I'm smiling. Why? Because it looks like that I have everything I need. Alhamdulillah. There's no reason for me to be ungrateful. I'm sitting on my dining chair, typing these words and I look around. And I'm still smiling. Even wider. And no, I'm not crazy 😄 It's just we have all the things we need and want and more! An app from which we can order almost any food you want (as long as we have the money 🤪). A big television with 1 million channels. A giant comfy couch. An old piano which is still in a very good condition. A karaoke set with big speaker. And this and that. 

The bad and the worse in my life? Well... I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Sounds cheesy but it's true. And I'm learning a lot from it. Whenever I hear somebody says something unpleasant I realize that it's best to keep it to yourself. Unless of course, you come across an asshole like this guy who's currently going viral because he spitted on a woman's car. In this case it's better to smack his mouth with a bucket full of horse shit. 

So yeah... Whenever I feel lonely I close my eyes, I take a deep breath and I remind myself that it's okay to spend time alone. Hanging out with someone might turns out badly at the end. The kid who likes the same book as I do might be Damien Omen 👹🤣 Just because I think it's the best, it doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do-to have-to say. Not for me nor anybody. And of course, I do remember. I have this handsome guy cuddling next to me:

Have a great holiday guys! 😘

Bebi To Baduy And Back

Last night as I laid myself to sleep, I had the chance to look closely at my Sleeping Beauty's face, who was snoring softly next to me. I stroked her thick wavy hair gently and caressed her plump rosy cheeks. Then I kissed her hand and whispered to myself "How did I get so lucky?" 🥰🥰🥰

My Precious Godsend is 15 In shāʾ Allāh going on 16 years old. Yet here and then she still loves to be treated as 😘BUBU'S BEBI😘 Don't get me wrong though! When her TEENAGER MODE is on??? Bebi's all like "I need my space. I can do it by myself. Please leave me alone, Bubu." 😔😅 But fortunately most of bedtimes my Bebi still wants to have her Bubu laying next to her. I guess it's because this is when the mother-daughter talk occurs. Precious time which involves lots of stories, laughters, full of secrets. Simply... Irreplaceable. 

Last week Bubu's Bebi had a 2 days 1 night adventure in Baduy with her school. Her first overnight trip with HelloMotion Highschool. Only 1 night. Yet it was quite a torture for me. I couldn't sleep. I heard voices upstairs. Did I see something? I can't remember... Maybe. I think I've been having hallucinations more often than last year. I had a 2:30 minutes morning seizure and a couple more until the rest of the day. Yuli had to remind me to eat and to take naps. Si Jun offered me a drive around the block. Even Moochi stayed close to me the whole time 😽 I kept asking Yuli "Kok belum ada kabar ya, Yul?" Yuli laughed and said "Yaaaaa si Ibu! Eneng baru juga berangkat!" She also reminded me that this wasn't the first time Kukka went to Baduy. "Waktu di Sekolah Alam kan pernah pergi juga bu! Tidurnya malah di tenda!" I seriously couldn't remember. Lucky me I always posted pictures 😄 And yes there she was... On my Instagram and Facebook. Carrying that huge purple backpack, sleeping in an orange tent, laughing excitedly on a boat while floating along a dirty river and more 😂 And she looked very happy. So I said to myself "Just chill Farika!!! Your daughter is having a great time with her friends now. She's safe and will be back tomorrow. TOMORROW!!!" 😆

My day got a little bit better when pictures of my Bebi and her friends started to fill the parents' Whatsapp group. I got all hyped up and was like "Ada anakkuuuuuu!" 😂 I also felt much better when the other parents confessed that they felt the same way like I did 😂 One parent at a time opened up after I apologized being so lebay and I said "Harap maklum ini anak satu-satunya 😅" One replied something like "Dimaklumi kok Bubu! Anak saya ada 3 perasaannya sama aja." Alhamdulillah 😄 

And then the night came... Around 8:30pm Moochi began to act strange. He also looked sad and confused. He didn't want to finish his meal. He went up and down, meowing in front of the office door, my bedroom door, places where Kukka usually spend her time in. Then Moochi went in and out of My Precious Godsend's bedroom 😢 Finally he jumped on Kukka's bed and... 

😢😘

I sorta confessed to Moochi that it was a tough night for me too... I woke up probably 4 times around, 10pm, midnight, 2am, then 3am. I had a "real" sleep after I took my morning pills and Yuli already came to work. Then at around 11am my baby girl texted me 🥳 She sent me pictures with her teacher, Bu Salma and 1 with Kiko, her friend. I was beyond happy! And über rempong 🤪 I told Jun that we should leave early so we would be there when Kukka's train arrive at Stasiun Jurangmangu. Alhamdulillah we were there on time. Around 4:45pm my love was back in my arms 🥰 Sweaty and smelly 😄 But... She looked fresh and had a lot of stories to tell. 

When we arrived at home I ORDERED my Precious Godsend to take a very long hot shower 🤣 Hair shampoo-rinse and repeat I said. 3 times! 🧐 When she's finally finished we laid down on my bed, hugging and sharing stories. It didn't take long until I heard nothing than a soft snore. My baby slept for hours! I could only imagine how tired she must have been... I hugged my baby carefully and whispered "I'm so happy you're back, Bebi... And I'm so grateful that I can be with you right here, right now. Sweet dreams my pretty angel..." Then I took a nap with the most beautiful person in my life laying next to me. Alhamdulillah.

       

"I don't want to be away from my kids, not that much. I don't want to miss their lives to go do a thing that I'm grateful to be able to do, and I'm appreciative that you're here to see it, but I've done it a lot, you know? I'm kind of want to feel okay and I want to make sure my family's okay, and that's great. That's okay." 

*Trent Reznor*

WORLD ENCEPHALITIS DAY 2024

 

Pain. Confusion. Loss and frustration. 

Shame. Loneliness. Exhaustion. 

Heavy tears and constant fear. 

And other things which make the brain even smaller and weaker.

Yet day by the day, with love and trust, support and believe, the part that is left will stay strong and the heart sees what is truthful and right.

We're still here not just to survive the broken reality.

We fought the fight we didn't choose and couldn't avoid.

And we will always fight this battle which will never ends.

Hence we are warriors! 

With gentle hearts and fearless minds.

We have the courage to feel and to say that life really is tough and it’s okay.

We are here to give each other a pair of ears who listen and a sincere: 

"I believe you. Don't worry. I'm here".

🤗A BIG HUG TO FELLOW ANTI NMDAR ENCEPHALITIS WARRIORS

AND NEVERENDING THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE 

HERE AND BELIEVE🤗

*Posted a month too early. Another sign of how fucked up I have become 😅*

Doc Rocksy Menjelaskan

First month of the year. First date with The Rocksy 😊

After exchanging hellos and compliments, she read my lab result and said:

"....HBnya semua bagus, fungsi livernya juga aman, ginjalnya bagus, gulanya... BAGUS! Bagus banget malah! Elektrolit bagus, steroid bagus 😄 

Stressnya gimana? Stress tidur? Yang paling cepet bikin memori tuh tambah turun tuh untuk degenerasi ya stress sama tidurnya ngga beres."

It didn't take long for me to tell The Rocksy about the stress level I'm in. When I got to the part: "Gila? Halusinasi?" she started to look pretty serious, asked more questions, typed my answers on her computer and mumbled: 

"... Hmmm... Halusinasinya sampai kaya gimana? ... Penglihatan aja ya? 

Denger ngga ya..."

Next came the part about my teeth. I told The Rocksy about my visit to the dentist and that there's nothing serious other than the tartar on the teeth. The pain is pretty annoying I said. Could it be caused by the teeth grinding while having a seizure, I asked. Yes she said. Okay... 😣

Oh! This time there was an intern present who stood next to The Rocksy and listened to everything we said attentively. The Rocksy explained everything about my condition. They talked using medical terms which I didn't understand 😅 Here and there The Rocksy got back to me and explained (probably for the gazzilionth times):

"Post Encephalitis waktu itu. ... Ini bekas Encephalitis. Waktu itu saya jelasin otaknya udah bersih ya bu! Bekas lukanya itu bikin agak... Pusat kejangnya ibu sama pusat memori itu bu... Jadi menciut. Hmmm... Susah nih bu! Latihan mengingatnya mesti lebih keras. ... Latihannya padahal sudah menulis ya! Main piano masih tiap hari 3 jam? Wih keren! ... Iya betul main game nggak boleh lama-lama. Yah... Kita terima dan kita nikmati ya... 😅 Karena secara struktur dia udah menciut bu... Pas di pusat memori doang! Yang lain baguuuus!!! Di hipokampusnya itu kan bekas luka... Itu kan kalau kita bekas luka terus dia jadi dekok gitu lho... Kiri kanan lagi! Bilateral."

And then I said it. "Berarti apa dok? Kalo nanti saya makin tua makin........" 

We laughed together awkwardly 😅😔 Then I told her about Dad's condition, comparing it with mine.

"Ya kalo umur 80an sih kemungkinan 1 dari 3 udah Alzheimer memang. Ini sih bukan Alzheimer. Tapi emang waktu kejadian dulu Encephalitis itu kenanya pas di pusat memori."

Jadi terima aja ya dok? 😅

"Terima aja 😄😅 Toh so far semua masih mandiri kan? Ngga ada yang mesti dibantu kan? Ke dokter sendiri, udah jago banget 😃 Kalo penciuman aman? Cium yang gosong-gosong kaya dulu masih ada? ... Udah bagus ya? ... Jadi yang gosong itu bagian dari seizure-nya ya... Kalo ibu udah mulai jarang, bagus. 

Dari segi gerakan kaya yoga ngga kesulitan kan? Pilatesnya tambah jago 😄 

Cuma halusinasi visual ya..." 

Yeah... I told my lovely neurologist about the fact that now and then I MIGHT see something which actually isn't there. But I am 100000% sure that I DID see it! With full emotion I almost screamed in her small room: "Kalo ada apa-apa sekarang saya foto biar ada bukti!"

We laughed again. 

"Mau pake suplemen anti penuaan? Ini cuma suplemen tapi ya! Bukan obat ya!

"QTen. Coba aja dirasain. Kalau sebulan eh iya nih jadi makin oke!  Ini isinya Coenzyme Q10. Anti aging. Bagus buat jantung, buat kulit jadi ngga keriput, buat rambut jadi item lagi. Sama buat otak juga. Kalo sebulan enak nih, bagus nih!? Kulit makin kenyal, jantung makin kuat, lanjut aja. Itu cuma suplemen kok! ... 

Mata saya lihat udah ada sedikit katarak tuh... 

Berarti aging process-nya udah jalan nih..". 

While she was explaining about Q10 I showed The Rocksy my trembling hand. She immediately told her intern to check my pulse. In the mean time I kept talking and told my doc about that seizure during pilates which doesn't happen very often. I think it might happened because I didn't get enough sleep. Or maybe I had PMS? Then there came the magic words: SAYA LUPA. followed with a wide grin. The Rocksy laughed. The intern reported my pulse and my doc said:

"111? Wih cepet banget! Denyut jantungnya... Kita atur lagi ya... Brainact udah ngga usah. Keppra sama Tegretol tetep. Tambahannya Propanol. Ini isinya untuk mengurangi tremor. Tapi juga bikin jantung lebih pelan. Jadi ngga degdegdegdeg... Sekarang nih degdegdegdegdegdeg banget! Propanol ngga untuk rutin. Pas lagi degdegan atau pas lagi tremor baru diminum."

While talking about medicines I whined to my doc like a baby about the neverending batuk-pilek. I mentioned all the stuff I've been taking but the batpil wouldn't go away! 

"Nah tapi obat batuk kan bikin tambah tremor juga! Jadi jangan sembarangan ya minum obat batuk! ... Obat yang itu kadang-kadang bikin debar sama agak naik tensi. Mendingan Rhinos. Terus kalo batuk, agak-agak dahak, agak-agak ngga enak, boleh OBH. Obat paling gampang lah pokoknya! Itu ngga ganggu denyut jantung. Obat batuk lain ganggu. Atau nanti saya kasih Fluimucil. Ini saya kasih dikit-dikit aja ya obatnya! 5 butir. Semoga cepet sembuh deh! ... Fluimucil untuk pengencer dahak. Sama OBH. Rhinos untuk ingus. Sama Coenzyme Q10. 

... 

Jadi yang baru tuh Propanol, diminum kalo lagi tremor atau debar-debar banget. Fluimucil untuk ngencerin dahak. OBH buat batuknya. Rhinos kalo mau buat batuk pileknya. Sama Q10 untuk anti agingnya. Kalo baik-baik, ke sini lagi abis lebaran aja. Sebelum lebaran, cek lab. Cek darah rutin aja. Darah rutin, fungsi liver, fungsi ginjal, gula, asam lambung. Jadi ngga usah puasa. (writing) Kontrol berikutnya April setelah lebaran. TIDAK PERLU PUASA. Kebaca ngga ya tulisan saya? Hahahahahah! ... Radang tenggorokannya... Antibiotik 3 hari. ... Zibramax ada 😄"

Repeating all the meds I have to take is a must. What, when, how, and others. And everything has to be written down and recorded. Heart-to-heart talk also included in the session as always. And of course, a picture 🥰